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       #Post#: 14082--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: animaniactoo Date: September 10, 2021, 11:31 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Bald guy: "Okay, you think I'm uptight and I think you're rude
       and pushy. Can we call it even and drop the subject?"
       Okay, really just go with "Okay, maybe I am uptight, but if
       so... let's just take that as another reason to drop the
       subject."
       #Post#: 14083--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: BethinDC2AZ Date: September 10, 2021, 11:32 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Itopian link=topic=277.msg14081#msg14081
       date=1631291452]
       [quote author=Queenie link=topic=277.msg14075#msg14075
       date=1631291202]
       Bald guy:
       I have had excellent luck with the quizzical head tilt and "I
       beg your pardon?"  And if they double down, I just repeat that
       until they either get embarrassed or give up.
       [/quote]
       I seem to recall the sequence goes:
       "I beg your pardon?"
       "I beg your pardon!"
       "I believe you are gravely mistaken."
       "How dare you!"
       Then comes the blow across the face, and the seconds set up the
       time and place.
       [/quote]
       Fish at dawn, sir!
  HTML https://media0.giphy.com/media/jX708Wo6abfC8/200.gif
       #Post#: 14084--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: Esme Rain Date: September 10, 2021, 11:34 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Itopian link=topic=277.msg14081#msg14081
       date=1631291452]
       [quote author=Queenie link=topic=277.msg14075#msg14075
       date=1631291202]
       Bald guy:
       I have had excellent luck with the quizzical head tilt and "I
       beg your pardon?"  And if they double down, I just repeat that
       until they either get embarrassed or give up.
       [/quote]
       I seem to recall the sequence goes:
       "I beg your pardon?"
       "I beg your pardon!"
       "I believe you are gravely mistaken."
       "How dare you!"
       Then comes the blow across the face, and the seconds set up the
       time and place.
       [/quote]
       Oh yes.  That's precisely how I do it.  No wonder I don't get
       any nonsense about it like poor LW!  :)
       #Post#: 14085--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: GenuineKosherDill Date: September 10, 2021, 11:34 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       LW has lost respect for her slacker husband.  That's a
       difficult, if not impossible, state to recover from.
       And if her lifelong value system included funding her
       offsprings' education, shrugging it off as "eh, they'll find a
       way" doesn't really address her angst over the matter.
       Though I wonder, if she were capable of finding a higher-paid
       job under duress, why she hadn't done so before.  If he was
       doing the heavy lifting financially while she stayed in a
       congenial but lower-paid gig, some of their present woes are on
       her, too.
       #Post#: 14088--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: Queenie Date: September 10, 2021, 11:36 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       The script for the friend of the spouse of the cancer victim is
       just so bad.
       #Post#: 14089--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: Itopian Date: September 10, 2021, 11:37 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=GenuineKosherDill link=topic=277.msg14085#msg14085
       date=1631291673]
       LW has lost respect for her slacker husband.  That's a
       difficult, if not impossible, state to recover from.
       And if her lifelong value system included funding her
       offsprings' education, shrugging it off as "eh, they'll find a
       way" doesn't really address her angst over the matter.
       Though I wonder, if she were capable of finding a higher-paid
       job under duress, why she hadn't done so before.  If he was
       doing the heavy lifting financially while she stayed in a
       congenial but lower-paid gig, some of their present woes are on
       her, too.
       [/quote]
       Presumably the long commute added up to a serious quality of
       life issue when he was actually [s]earning[/s] bringing home a
       salary of his own.
       #Post#: 14090--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: Heron Date: September 10, 2021, 11:39 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=Queenie link=topic=277.msg14088#msg14088
       date=1631291814]
       The script for the friend of the spouse of the cancer victim is
       just so bad.
       [/quote]
       What would you advise?
       #Post#: 14091--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: Esme Rain Date: September 10, 2021, 11:39 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Re-read the first letter about the fired husband.  It isn't
       clear this is a pattern of negligence.  Just that an old and
       long-standing mistake where he did not review what he ought to
       have reviewed cost the company a lot of money.
       It's still bad.  I understand she is angry.  And he certainly
       didn't come clean with her until absolutely forced to.  But....
       I mean some people pretend to go to work after being fired out
       of embarassment.  And this is his mistake that led to the
       firing.
       I'm just not sure how egrigious it is.  I think if she brings
       down the temperature for her own anger what to do may become
       clearer (tell the kids1  Tell them something!).
       #Post#: 14092--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: animaniactoo Date: September 10, 2021, 11:39 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       Wednesday's LW: I did at one point, entirely tell my husband
       that I knew that part of his attraction for me was that I was
       capable of standing up to this mother. And then pointed out that
       he now, of course, had the problem that he had to stand up to
       me.
       We have worked at his becoming better about standing up to his
       mother on his own. I have worked to not be his mother when it
       comes to getting my way, and we spent quite a lot of time
       discussing the fact that I did not deserve the flashback of his
       responses to things that he was really reacting to his mother
       about when I am NOT his mother tyvm.
       #Post#: 14093--------------------------------------------------
       Re: Live Chat 09/10
       By: GenuineKosherDill Date: September 10, 2021, 11:40 am
       ---------------------------------------------------------
       [quote author=PalomaBlanca link=topic=277.msg14074#msg14074
       date=1631291180]
       The lack of integrity is a total, total dealbreaker to me. He
       lied to the company, to his spouse (repeatedly), and now to the
       kids.  You can't have any semblance of a real or honest life
       with that degree of subterfuge.
       The guy reveling in his newfound freedom?  Jesus wept, I'd be
       camping out at a counselor's office.
       To ensure that I left in the right way.
       And yeah, the kids need to know.  They're not six.  If the LW
       does decide to separate, they need to know that it wasn't for
       trivial reasons.  Basic ethics, trust, and wrongdoing were at
       play.
       [/quote]
       It would depend on their ages.  Granted he's an ass and a
       disappointment, but disrupting a child or young adult's entire
       belief system about their father, just to make the mom seem more
       righteous, seems as though it could have lifelong ramifications.
       She's suffering massive disillusionment,  but is it really
       necessary for them to suffer to the same degree?  He might have
       some good qualities as a parent.
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