DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Hax Community
HTML https://haxnuts.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Parenting and Families
*****************************************************
#Post#: 42677--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: animaniactoo
Date: November 17, 2021, 10:44 am
---------------------------------------------------------
My good wife, good friend action for the day here so far - after
talking to Sis and getting the full picture/talking options
(extremely limited), I offered hugs. And I texted Scritchy to
say he should check for message(s) from her, and it's not really
about any idea that he cares about him, but more to know what
his sisters are dealing with. And that I probably have more
details from talking with her today and will talk to him later
or whenever he's up for it. Which could be never, and that would
be okay.
#Post#: 42992--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: CaviaPorcellus
Date: November 17, 2021, 10:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: animaniactoo link ---
>
> and it's not really about any idea that he cares about him,
but more to know what his sisters are dealing with.
>
--- End Quote ---
Oh, that's a mood. Mojo to Scritchy & especially his sisters.
In other news, it's my sister's 50th birthday today! She woke
up, on her birthday, to mom yelling because she fell again, and
hit her head this time.
#Post#: 63550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: Queenie
Date: January 18, 2022, 10:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
So. My mom.
She's super old. And her cleaning team quit at the beginning of
the pandemic and she just can't seem to hire anyone else.
So last summer I got my cleaning team to deep clean her house
and of course it was incredibly expensive and of course she was
thrilled and then there was a home-insurance-worthy catastrophe
and her plan to continue with my cleaning team got postponed.
Until tomorrow. Sigh. And the only reason it ever got off the
ground at all was because I nagged her incessantly, which I
HATE. But, huzzah!
She also goes on at length about how underwater she is and
overwhelmed by paperwork. So Oldest's EXGF just started an
organizing business and I am pushing my mom to hire her. I know
she's incredibly organized, I know she's trustworthy, and I
specifically asked if she does this kind of organizing and she
said yes.
I'm putting the under/over on when she actually pulls the
trigger at a year exactly and I'm taking the over, and even then
only if I bug the crap out of her.
Argh.
I cannot run her life. I cannot run my own damned life. She is
going to have to hire help, the end.
#Post#: 65545--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: animaniactoo
Date: January 22, 2022, 7:15 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I have been trying to let this go for hours and I'm not
succeeding, so... I figured I would come dump it out here, where
it is unlikely to damage any relationships, and hope that solves
it.
So... my godmother and my mom were not friends in the end. The
had a lot of friends in common, along with political work. But
they had stopped being friends when my mom was unable to live up
to my godmother's standards of friendship. It was something that
I later pointed out that she was not thinking about what the
person she was asking for things was going through themselves
and that when mom asked if there was anything she could do to
help, and godmother made a request, mom probably had every
intention of following through, but given that she was actively
managing her own parents' lives at the time, she didn't have a
lot left over in terms of time and attention for ongoing
checkups on anyone else. It was a viewpoint that my godmother
thanked me for, but they never really did become friends again.
My godmother has some control issues, to put it mildly, and mom
was struggling with the negativity that godmother brought to her
life, and I told her it was okay to decide that she couldn't be
friends on that level. They did maintain a sense of closeness to
each other even when not in contact with each other, and would
occasionally attempt an outing as part of maintaining a
relationship that meant something to both of them but just
couldn't be a frequent contact kind of thing.
So... today, I was talking about my husband and the plans for
his b'day and his solution of moving his b'day to Monday. And I
said something like "he's so sweet to me", and my godmother says
"yes, and he clearly really loves you".
Whereupon she proceeds to tell me that back in the beginning of
my relationship with him, she and mom both had some major
concerns and reservations, because I'd met him online and he had
some major baggage. And they decided that even though they were
no longer friends, they both cared about me and would meet up to
talk about this. And ultimately they decided that 1) I was
really happy - not just with him, but that I was smiling and
laughing more in general, and 2) I had been raised with a good
head on my shoulders, and if this was where my good head had
lead me, then things were probably okay, and 3) there really
wasn't shit they could do about anything anyway without making
things worse, so they might as well wait and see how things
went. And indeed that they were right that in the end everything
was more or less okay.
I acknowledge there was reason to have concerns, and I
appreciate that sometimes all of use need to talk to someone to
try and sort it out, and so on and so forth. I hold it against
neither of them that this conversation happened.
But what I am having problems letting go of right now is that my
mom expressed as much concern to me as she wanted to and we had
our own level that we had worked out and were continuing to work
on when it came to my husband the introvert and our greater
family relationships.
And I am just SO GODDAMN PISSED at my godmother for betraying
mom's confidence here. I understand that she was trying to say
something good and comforting and in recognition of my husband
here. But there is so much of my takeaway that is "mom
struggled, mom never wanted me to know this level or she would
have told me herself and I know that because of the many
in-depth convos and therefore opportunities that we DID have.
And I cannot reassure mom that it was okay, and I understand,
even though I am in my head where I talk to her." And so I am
pissed on my mom's behalf that information, a particular concern
she had and knew was touchy, has reached the person she choose
not to say it to herself, that she was careful to preserve our
relationship by not crossing those boundaries too far, and it is
because my godmother - a FARKING PSYCHOLOGIST - is so damn bad
at managing this in her own personal life. Sigh.
I really need to let this go. Mom would probably be laughing at
me now, and that is about as good as I can ask for.
#Post#: 65565--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: Queenie
Date: January 22, 2022, 9:16 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry Ani.
#Post#: 65570--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: VanGoghSunflowers
Date: January 22, 2022, 9:57 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Sorry Ani. It makes complete sense that you're angry with your
grandmother for telling you. And I want to say, I admire you
that that's what upsets you about this revelation.
#Post#: 65571--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: offtopicalways
Date: January 22, 2022, 9:58 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm sorry, ani, and I hope posting helps.
#Post#: 65573--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: animaniactoo
Date: January 22, 2022, 10:15 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
ty guys. It does help. At the least, it lowers the volume on my
need to spill it out anywhere else. I appreciate being able to
say it and feeling heard.
#Post#: 65577--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: NordicDog
Date: January 22, 2022, 10:33 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I’m sorry you have this angst on you.
It has made me think of a scene from Moonstruck. Cher meets an
elderly woman at the airport who talks about a sister who stole
a man from her. To “be strong on her”.
I can’t help but think your godmother’s iffy relationship with
your mother is leaking on you. That’s really sad and not just
because you are a champion for her.
Peace my friend.
And happy 27 minutes before Scritchy’s pre-birthday
#Post#: 65640--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
DIR By: Queenie
Date: January 23, 2022, 10:02 am
---------------------------------------------------------
If it matters at all I think she meant well. I get that this
might not help.
*****************************************************
Page 8 of 51
DIR Previous Page
DIR Next Page