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#Post#: 168--------------------------------------------------
Aging Parents
By: Queenie Date: August 13, 2021, 11:18 am
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I hope we can use this as a place to link to resources as well
as, let's face it, a place to [s]complain[/s] request support.
My mom is, right now, sitting in her un-air-conditioned house.
She's 86 and when I talk to her she definitely sounds like she
needs to get out of Dodge because she gets a little, I don't
know, weird when it's this hot.
But will she come to my house? She will not. Air conditioning
is a waste of money and by gum, she's staying put.
#Post#: 172--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: GingerJ1 Date: August 13, 2021, 11:25 am
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👩‍✈️🛫
Oh dear. Sorry to hear that. I know when my own Mom decides to
be stubborn, she will NOT be moved.
I went over to their house this morning to be there when the
physical therapist showed up. Good thing, because Mom had gone
back to bed--she knew I was coming and could watch the session.
She got up before the PT left, but snapped at me when I tried to
help her. She's still feeling poorly from her kidney problem, so
I'm not taking it personally.
The imaging place was supposed to call her to schedule the
ultrasound her nephrologist ordered. She doesn't want me to, I'm
sure, but I'm going to call them now and make sure they got the
order.
#Post#: 173--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: Queenie Date: August 13, 2021, 11:38 am
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It's really great that she has you there. I well know how
challenging this phase of life can be.
#Post#: 234--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: animaniactoo Date: August 13, 2021, 3:22 pm
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I've been down this road with my grandparents, and to some
extent it's ongoing with my godmother. Who is sometimes the most
contrary annoying butthead in the world.
OMG I SAID THAT OUT LOUD AND THE WORLD DIDN'T EXPLODE.
Anyways. Just to say... I feel you guys. And I really wish we
had a "care" reaction for posts. Ah vell. 🤗
#Post#: 293--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: guest80 Date: August 13, 2021, 7:46 pm
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First post here, hope this works...
We will NOT tell that you called her an annoying butthead.
My MIL died this spring of advanced dementia. Even though I'd
been a caregiver for people with dementia in my early retirement
I had significant issues being with her during her decline. I'm
not proud of that. But we'd had a challenging relationship for
many years, I was clearly not the favored DIL but I was the one
who lived near her.
She was clingy, wanted to touch me all the time, a huge issue
for me because I don't really like to be touched or grabbed and
also I get full body hives and joint pain from wheat exposure
through my skin. And she ate crackers and toast and pretzels in
front of me, never washed her hands and then kept grabbing my
face or my neck.
I liked her but we werent' physcially affectionate before and I
couldn't make the switch. And I felt bad about it. Her daughter
would come to town and sit with her arm around her mom and
stroke her hair and her face and I could not do anything close
to that.
She was difficult to take places due to her behavior. She'd
grab strangers' babies in strollers, eat samples at the store
leaning over the counter dripping crumbs from her mouth, act
very flirtatious with strange men in elevators (stand 2 inches
from their face and grab their collar or their tie.) She had no
filter so would always make a loud comment if an overweight
person approached us. She'd grab money out of tip jars on
counters.
Sigh. It was just miserable for me to be around her. So I get
your comment.
#Post#: 307--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: GingerJ1 Date: August 13, 2021, 8:24 pm
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👩‍✈️🛫
Oh, Rufus, you were a wonderful DIL to take care of her. She
sounds like a trial and a half.
I hope you don't feel guilty about not being a touchy-feely
type...some people are, and folks like your MIL need to respect
that.
Thanks for being there for her! {{{hugs}}}
#Post#: 315--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: Jo March SVU Date: August 13, 2021, 9:09 pm
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My heart breaks for all of you. It IS so hard to take care of
aging parents. My mom died at 60 from breast cancer. My dad
married my best friend's mother who has now been in memory care
for five years. While she remembers all of us, she loops
terribly. It's been nearly 3 years since my dad died. My
step-mom's care falls on me as her family is several states
away. She is the sweetest though. I know she gets frustratedat
her memory. It's a fear that all of us have....I took care of
my elderly in law's for years while raising my family. I get
it. Hugs to all...
#Post#: 324--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: GingerJ1 Date: August 13, 2021, 10:48 pm
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👩‍✈️🛫
So glad you're here, Jo! Hope to see you on the Reddit forum,
too.
#Post#: 345--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: guest80 Date: August 14, 2021, 8:03 am
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[quote author=Skowronek link=topic=21.msg311#msg311
date=1628905038]
Rufus - did you MIL respect your space and allergies before the
dementia took hold/took over? I can imagine your relief when
all of this came to an end, as well as feeling badly about it at
times too.
[/quote]
The constant touching and grabbing was clearly a behaviour
change related to her dementia.
During the years I was a care giver for people with dementia I
saw a wide range of personality changes. It's such a cruel
disease. Some people became extremely aggressive,, some slept a
lot, some rarely slept. I'm not a medical person by training
but know that there are many times of dementia and don't know
whether the type affects the behavior change.
My point was that it was very hard for me emotionally to deal
with my MIL even though I'd taken care of at least 40 different
people with dementia in the past. Mr. Rufus was great with his
mother and so was his brother (the other siblings lived far
away.) Once Mr. Rufus retired, he took over the once a week day
with mom. He took her on so many outings - ethnic groceries,
museums, visits to the state caapitol, drives around the city to
look at neighborhoods. She always declined the outings I
suggested to her. But Mr. Rufus would just say, "Mom, get your
coat, we're going!" And she did and she enjoyed it. I would
never have been comfortable doing that with her - when she said
no I didn't push it. That's a difference between being a son
and being a DIL I guess.
Hugs to all of you caring for elderly parents.
#Post#: 380--------------------------------------------------
Re: Aging Parents
By: Buckleup Buttercup Date: August 14, 2021, 11:54 am
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[quote author=Skowronek link=topic=21.msg311#msg311
date=1628905038]
Rufus - did you MIL respect your space and allergies before the
dementia took hold/took over? I can imagine your relief when
all of this came to an end, as well as feeling badly about it at
times too.
I worry that I will develop dementia someday and no one will
honor my request for a wet nightgown on a cold night with a
bottle of high octane alcohol. I do not want to become a burden
or lose my mind and be an embarrassment.
[/quote]
i will be there for you if I am able. I have had my plans since
the day my mother got the diagnosis. i will not go out like she
did.
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