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#Post#: 399921--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
DIR By: Lurknomore
Date: July 15, 2026, 11:38 pm
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Once there was a little penguin named Pedro who wanted to go to
Las Vegas. He wanted to go in style so he rented a Cadillac.
Unfortunately the car broke down in the middle of the desert, so
the poor little penguin had to get out and push the car. Since
it was a huge Cadillac and he was pushing in the middle of the
desert, Pedro the Penguin got very hot, very quickly. When he
finally got to a mechanic he asked the mechanic to find out what
was wrong with his car, then ran to a nearby ice cream parlor.
He was so excited when he got his ice cream that instead of
eating it, he just rubbed it all over his face using his little
penguin flipper hands. Then he went back to the mechanic and the
mechanic said to the penguin, "it looks like you blew a seal."
The penguin started wiping his ice cream-smeared face and
replied: "No, no! It’s just ice cream!!!
#Post#: 401581--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
DIR By: Cairn terrier
Date: July 25, 2026, 12:25 pm
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Did you know on the Canary Islands there is not one canary?
Same with the Virgin Islands.
There's not one canary there either.
#Post#: 404225--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
DIR By: LabPartner
Date: August 10, 2026, 10:43 pm
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This is a bit late for Christmas in July, but here goes:
HTML https://scontent-ord5-1.xx.fbcdn.net/v/t39.30808-6/770758895_10102596185597085_8327876437610912846_n.jpg?stp=dst-jpg_tt6&cstp=mx1080x1347&ctp=s1080x1347&_nc_cat=105&ccb=1-7&_nc_sid=127cfc&_nc_ohc=BeY_WxsdyK0Q7kNvwE71VUn&_nc_oc=AdrXnIB5mbvZfuNscu9apLWIvJXLLHYtlay-8C5pdlWepDUKVAXz9wwAJkJIG_G2AFcr8HiirHmIqje-PEswkrKJ&_nc_zt=23&_nc_ht=scontent-ord5-1.xx&_nc_gid=uOXOrIOhiQTiELUTxaokYA&_nc_ss=7b2a8&oh=00_AQGEn7KJiyqVjz8ad3hAJckpnG6QOKGBF9ZjeLczLIGYiQ&oe=6A8070A7
#Post#: 406795--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
DIR By: Lurknomore
Date: August 28, 2026, 9:16 am
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This is corny and old, but so am I, and it made me laugh…
A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel sticking out of
his pants.
The bartender says, “Hey buddy, you got a steering wheel
sticking out of your pants.”
The pirate says, “I know! It’s driving me nuts!”
#Post#: 408029--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
DIR By: LabPartner
Date: September 7, 2026, 4:32 pm
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Not sure where this one really fits, but it belongs on our
board.
The following is an actual question given on a University of
Arizona chemistry midterm, and an actual answer turned in by a
student.
The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the professor
shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of
course, why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or
endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's
Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed)
or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
--- Quote ---
> First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in
time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into
Hell and the rate at which they are leaving, which is unlikely.
I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell,
it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how
many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different
religions that exist in the world today.
>
> Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of
their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than
one of these religions and since people do not belong to more
than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number
of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
>
> Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell
because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and
pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to
expand proportionately as souls are added.
>
> This gives two possibilities:
> 1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at
which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in
Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
> 2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of
souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until
Hell freezes over.
>
> So which is it?
>
> If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my
Freshman year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I
sleep with you,' and take into account the fact that I slept
with her last night, then number two must be true, and thus I am
sure that Hell is exothermic and has already frozen over. The
corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it
follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is
therefore, extinct..... ...leaving only Heaven, thereby proving
the existence of a Divine Being which explains why, last night,
Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'
--- End Quote ---
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+.
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