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#Post#: 111--------------------------------------------------
off-color jokes
By: Skowronek Date: August 12, 2021, 6:38 pm
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The elderly Irish woman was consulting her physician, about
reviving her husband’s sexual vigor.
”Have you tried Viagra?” The doctor asked.
”Oh, he’d never take pills.” the wife said. “He won’t even take
aspirin for a headache.”
“Try putting them in his coffee; he’ll never taste it.” said the
doctor.
She agreed to give it a try.
A few days later, she was back.
”How did it work?” the doctor asked.
“Oh, faith and begorrah!” she exclaimed; it was horrible; I
don’t want to go through that again!”
“Why, What happened?” the doctor asked, curious.
”Well, the effects were almost instantaneous.” she answered. “He
jumped to his feet, smiling, with a gleam in his eyes, and a
bulge in his trousers. He swept everything off the table, ripped
my clothes off, and took me, right there on the table! The sex
was unbelievable, but we got banned from Starbucks, forever!”
#Post#: 2897--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: AbidingDudev4.1 Date: August 19, 2021, 11:36 am
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nto a Belfast pub comes Paddy Murphy, looking like he'd just
been run over by a train. His arm is in a sling, his nose is
broken, his face is cut and bruised and he's walking with a
limp.
"What happened to you?" asks Sean, the bartender.
"Jamie O'Conner and me had a fight," says Paddy.
"That little sod, O'Conner," says Sean, "He couldn't do that to
you, he must have had something in his hand."
"That he did," says Paddy, "a shovel is what he had, and a
terrible lickin' he gave me with it."
"Well," says Sean, "you should have defended yourself. Didn't
you have something in your hand?"
"That I did," said Paddy. "Mrs. O'Conner's breast, and a thing
of beauty it was, but useless in a fight."
#Post#: 8437--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: Itopian Date: August 28, 2021, 6:21 pm
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Following up on Buttercup's joke in the Thread of the Day...
[quote]
Q: What is the fastest liquid in the world?
Response: I don't know!
A: Milk
Response: Milk? Why milk?
A: Because it is pasteurized before your see it!
[/quote]
Hortensia phoned room service.
"I need milk delivered to my room. I want to take a milk bath,
it's part of my daily regimen."
"Oh, sure. Pasteurized?"
"No, no, just up to my tits is fine."
#Post#: 63946--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: AbidingDudev4.1 Date: January 19, 2022, 10:06 am
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A hunter goes into the woods to hunt a bear.
He carries his trusty 22-gauge rifle with him.
After a while, he spots a very large bear, takes aim, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later, the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and
says, “No one shoots at me and gets away with it. You have
two choices: I can rip your throat out and eat you, or you can
drop your trousers, bend over, and I’ll [insert
appropriate colloquialism for sodomy here].”
The hunter decides that anything is better than death, so he
drops his trousers and bends over; and the bear does what he
said he would do.
After the bear has left, the hunter pulls up his trousers and
staggers back into town.
He’s pretty mad.
He buys a much larger gun and returns to the forest.
He sees the same bear, aims, and fires.
When the smoke clears, the bear is gone.
A moment later the bear taps the hunter on the shoulder and
says, “You know what to do.”
Afterward, the hunter pulls up his trousers, crawls back into
town, and buys a bazooka.
Now he’s really mad.
He returns to the forest, sees the bear, aims, and fires.
The force of the bazooka blast knocks him flat on his back.
When the smoke clears, the bear is standing over him and says,
“You’re not doing this for the hunting, are
you?”
This joke has been stuck in my head lately, so this is hopefully
a palate cleanser for me....
#Post#: 64551--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: guest114 Date: January 20, 2022, 12:53 pm
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I accidentally swallowed some food coloring.
The doctor says I'm fine, but I feel like I've dyed a little
inside.
Today I thought of a color that doesn't exist...
but then I realized it was just a pigment of my imagination.
I'm really funny, people tell me my humour comes in all sorts of
colors.
Someone suggested I should be a stand up chameleon.
Oh excuse me, I thought this thread was "of color" jokes. I'll
go now. Apparently it's bear mating season a few months early.
#Post#: 68542--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: Paloma Date: January 30, 2022, 6:08 pm
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How many Freudian psychologists does it take to change a
lightbulb?
Two, one to screw it in and one to hold the penis.
Edit: I mean father
Edit 2: Ladder!
#Post#: 69651--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: guest114 Date: February 2, 2022, 3:55 pm
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Why shouldn't you marry a drummer? They never stop banging.
Why was the guitarist disappointing in bed? After a few licks,
he just wanted to go solo.
Why did she ditch the accordionist? She found she wasn't his
main squeeze.
#Post#: 151489--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: LabPartner Date: December 21, 2022, 3:15 pm
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Samuel L Jackson turns 74 years old today.
This is 2 minutes of him saying motherfucker over and over.
HTML https://tinyurl.com/ms2kb25u
Definitely not safe for work.
#Post#: 160330--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: AbidingDudev4.1 Date: January 30, 2023, 2:43 pm
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What's the difference between a garbanzo bean and a chickpea?
Trump never had a garbanzo bean on his face
#Post#: 206633--------------------------------------------------
Re: off-color jokes
By: AbidingDudev4.1 Date: September 7, 2023, 12:12 pm
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Male bees die after mating.
Kind makes you wonder why that bee in the commercials is so
happy when his whole life is
Honey
Nut
Cheerio!
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