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#Post#: 3494--------------------------------------------------
Walk Like a Man
DIR By: Maggie Flannery
Date: September 28, 2018, 9:12 am
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Walk Like a Man
Theme: Walk Like a Man - Bruce Springsteen
“What if I can’t give her the life she’s meant to have, Dad?”
A large work worn hand made it’s way up onto a shoulder, the
physical build so identical that to the elder Spina it was like
looking into a mirror almost fifty-six years prior right down to
the boutonnière. To Fred he still saw his eldest son as the
curly haired dark eyed toddler that was one to mimic his
movements down to the stance. A lump formed low in his throat
and it took every ounce of strength not to let his son know that
tears threatened to spill. He and his Connie had been married
here in this very church back in ’50 and to see his child take
his own wedding vows here made him immensely proud. Nothing had
changed in the Our Lady Of the Roses alter. There they stood
shoulder to shoulder with Gio’s best man and groomsmen across
from the bride’s chosen maid of honor and bridesmaids. The
flower girl and ring bearer were currently stealing the show by
toddling down the aisle together looking quite cherubic. It
seemed like only yesterday Gio looked like Tyler, the ring
bearer, Col and Gio’s godson through their friends Maureen and
Jackie Flannery. All chubby cheeks and big eyes. Fred found
himself wondering when Gio and Col would bless him and Connie
with a few grandkids. The other boys were so wrapped up in
living and Angie was a career woman so it fell to the newlyweds
to fulfill that part of life. What would they look like? What
would they name them?
“You will, I know it. Your Colleen, she loves you no matter
what. Like your mother and me, you think we started out in a
four bedroom on a safe street? We worked hard for what we had,
and I know you two will too. You’re young and in love and the
world is yours. You, my boy, are a man today. You got to walk
like a man now, Gio.”
Mirror images of the same set of eyes, one just a touch darker
than the other, stared into the other. A slow shy smile
spreading across the younger man’s features and in an instant
Fred was transported back to Gio’s fifth birthday. The year he
and Connie had finally gotten him a dog. A little mutt Gio had
named Clarence. It was as if they’ve given their son the world
itself on a silver platter. Today the look on his son’s face was
one and the same of being given the world all over again. Today
his son was a full grown man, still a little green and wet
behind the ears but no doubt on the road to being the kind of
man Fred and Connie wanted him to become.
“Love you, Pop.”
“Love you too, G.”
A quick hug was exchanged between them much to the chagrin of
the younger brothers. The wedding march sounded as the church
doors opened. Fred watched as the momentary fear slipped away
from Gio’s face. Awe replaced it as Gio’s bride came closer. The
lights above flickered for a moment as the vision in white came
closer. Even in the dreary grey weather that had dawned earlier
this morning Colleen still looked like she had swallowed the sun
itself. The watered snow white silk and taffeta of her gown
rustling ever so gently as she drew nearer. Fred noticed that
she had a small tear in her veil, to welcome good luck. She
hadn’t forgotten the traditions his mother, Gio’s Nonna, had
told her about. His Gio has chosen the right one. Sadly all the
questions and hopes Fred had for the future he wouldn’t see come
into fruition. He had been helping his brother-in-law close up
for the night over in the city and somehow became the victim of
a knifing while seeing a woman getting mugged outside. The
police had determined that it had been some sort of cash and
grab situation and he had valiantly tried to intervene. He lived
for a week on support until they were told he’d never regain
consciousness. He slipped away quietly surrounded by his family.
The so called salad days that all newlyweds found themselves
knee deep in were cut short for the newest Mr. and Mrs. Spina.
They helped Connie as best they could and in the end she ended
up moving into the second bedroom downstairs and was adjusting
to life as a widow at 52. She had her good days, the one were
happy memories were shared and on her bad days they learned to
just let her cry it out. Out of all the Spina children Gio was
hit the hardest, he and Fred had always shared a close bond and
having it irreparably severed in such a violent way. His father
had been the heart of the family, the one that everyone looked
to for guidance, now that all fell to him. A daunting and larger
than life task if ever there was one. Long days gave way to
long endless nights as they settled in for bed in the master
bedroom. Most of the furniture had come from both sides of their
family and it should have been a comfort but some nights, like
tonight, it felt to Gio like he was a kid simply playing at
life. In the large oak bed that had been his father’s last gift
to them he felt like he was being smothered with memories.
“Why is it I feel like I’m just…I dunno. A kid playing house
while his parents are out of town or something? I feel like I’m
drifting, Col.”
“Grief’s an ocean, Gio. I can tell you that from experience. You
can’t let it swallow you up, you’ll sink and I’m not going to
let that happen. Not ever.”
He studied his wife for a moment and gave her a rare small
smile. Colleen was telling him that she was his life preserver.
The guilt of not being able to cry at his father’s funeral
service or the funeral dinner. He had just felt cold, raw and
then numb. Snippets of memories, almost like old vacation slides
and home movies played in his head but the one that played the
most got him every time. He still had yet to cry even if he felt
like he surely would.
“I…you wanna know what he told me the day we got married?”
“What?”
“You’ve got to walk like a man, Gio. I’ve been trying to figure
out what he meant and I can remember when we used to go to the
Shore during the summer and I’d follow him all over the beach
tracing his footprints in the sand trying to walk like him. Ma’s
got it somewhere on Super 8 or something but I’ll always
remember that…”
Colleen understood as she gave his shoulder a reassuring
squeeze. While she didn’t have many home movies of her own
father there were photographs and one hazy memory of Jimmy
holding her up against the waves of the shore and telling her to
kick her legs. She could have sworn she’d seen a tear slip down
Gio’s cheek.
"He was everything I wanted to be and God, I hope he knows how
much I loved him…still do. How much I miss him. I didn’t
understand quite what meant back in October but now I do. I’ve
got to step up, Tony, Gabe, Renny, Angie. They’re all counting
on me. I gotta walk like a man for them…for you…for him. But how
can I do that if I couldn’t even cry at his funeral, Col?”
Silent tears slipped down from dark brown eyes onto the duvet.
She reached out to hold his large work worn hand in her own, the
twin gold bands glinting in the lamplight. They were now mirror
images the hands of their own respective parents. Steady,
strong, grown.
“You’ve made your own path, Gio. You’re the one walking the
shoreline leaving your own footprint path for others to follow.
You didn’t even realize that that’s what you’ve been doing all
along.”
She brushed stray tears away from his cheeks before kissing his
cheek.
“He’d be so proud of you. Because I sure am.”
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