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#Post#: 21540--------------------------------------------------
Worst Game Ever
By: jamesgames Date: March 8, 2015, 4:12 pm
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The goal is to post things. That is all you have to do. However,
there are 3 rules.
1. No winning. Winning if prohibited.
2. If you somehow win, you must surrender.
3. No spamming.
Hence the name 'worst game ever'.
How to win: [s]404 not found.[/s] Get the most posts.
Begin.
#Post#: 21541--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: Zenwarrior54 Date: March 8, 2015, 4:38 pm
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MYEEEH
#Post#: 21542--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: M217 Date: March 8, 2015, 4:39 pm
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KYAAAAH
#Post#: 21544--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: greensalmon Date: March 8, 2015, 4:41 pm
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AAAAAAAAAAAAAA
#Post#: 21545--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: M217 Date: March 8, 2015, 4:42 pm
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BWAHAHAHAHAHAHA
#Post#: 21546--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: greensalmon Date: March 8, 2015, 4:43 pm
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BEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEPBEEP
#Post#: 21547--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: Zenwarrior54 Date: March 8, 2015, 4:45 pm
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HTML https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VAC-5BQnuXI
#Post#: 21548--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: jamesgames Date: March 8, 2015, 4:45 pm
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KWUKWUKWU
#Post#: 21549--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: Zenwarrior54 Date: March 8, 2015, 4:50 pm
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A long time ago, in a galaxy far, far, away...
A vast sea of stars serves as the backdrop for the main
title. War drums echo through the heavens as a rollup
slowly crawls into infinity.
It is a period of civil war. Rebel spaceships, striking from
a
hidden base, have won their first victory against the evil
Galactic
Empire.
During the battle, Rebel spies managed to steal secret plans
to the
Empire's ultimate weapon, the Death Star, an armored space
station
with enough power to destroy an entire planet.
Pursued by the Empire's sinister agents, Princess Leia races
home
aboard her starship, custodian of the stolen plans that can save
her
people and restore freedom to the galaxy...
The awesome yellow planet of Tatooine emerges from a
total
eclipse, her two moons glowing against the darkness. A
tiny
silver spacecraft, a Rebel Blockade Runner firing lasers
from
the back of the ship, races through space. It is pursed
by a
giant Imperial Stardestroyer. Hundreds of deadly
laserbolts
streak from the Imperial Stardestroyer, causing the main
solar
fin of the Rebel craft to disintegrate.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- MAIN PASSAGEWAY.
An explosion rocks the ship as two robots, Artoo-Detoo
(R2-D2)
and See-Threepio (C-3PO) struggle to make their way
through the
shaking, bouncing passageway. Both robots are old and
battered.
Artoo is a short, claw-armed tripod. His face is a mass
of
computer lights surrounding a radar eye. Threepio, on
the
other hand, is a tall, slender robot of human
proportions. He
has a gleaming bronze-like metallic surface of an Art
Deco
design.
Another blast shakes them as they struggle along
their
way.
THREEPIO: Did you hear that? They've shut down the main reactor.
We'll
be destroyed for sure. This is madness!
Rebel troopers rush past the robots and take up
positions
in the main passageway. They aim their weapons toward
the door.
THREEPIO: We're doomed!
The little R2 unit makes a series of electronic
sounds that
only another robot could understand.
THREEPIO: There'll be no escape for the Princess this time.
Artoo continues making beeping sounds. Tension mounts
as
loud metallic latches clank and the scream of heavy
equipment
are heard moving around the outside hull of the ship.
THREEPIO: What's that?
EXTERIOR: SPACECRAFT IN SPACE.
The Imperial craft has easily overtaken the Rebel
Blockade
Runner. The smaller Rebel ship is being drawn into the
underside dock of the giant Imperial starship.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
The nervous Rebel troopers aim their weapons. Suddenly a
tremendous blast opens up a hole in the main passageway
and a
score of fearsome armored spacesuited stormtroopers make
their
way into the smoke-filled corridor.
In a few minutes the entire passageway is ablaze with
laserfire. The deadly bolts ricochet in wild random
patterns
creating huge explosions. Stormtroopers scatter and duck
behind storage lockers. Laserbolts hit several Rebel
soldiers
who scream and stagger through the smoke, holding
shattered
arms and faces.
An explosion hits near the robots.
THREEPIO: I should have known better than to trust the logic of
a
half-sized thermocapsulary dehousing assister...
Artoo counters with an angry rebuttal as the battle
rages
around the two hapless robots.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT WASTELAND -- DAY.
A death-white wasteland stretches from horizon to
horizon. The
tremendous heat of two huge twin suns settle on a lone
figure,
Luke Skywalker, a farm boy with heroic aspirations who
looks
much younger than his eighteen years. His shaggy hair
and
baggy tunic give him the air of a simple but lovable lad
with
a prize-winning smile.
A light wind whips at him as he adjusts several
valves on a
large battered moisture vaporator which sticks out of
the
desert floor much like an oil pipe with valves. He is
aided by
a beatup tread-robot with six claw arms. The little
robot
appears to be barely functioning and moves with jerky
motions.
A bright sparkle in the morning sky catches Luke's eye
and he
instinctively grabs a pair of electrobinoculars from his
utility
belt. He stands transfixed for a few moments studying
the
heavens, then dashed toward his dented, crudely repaired
Landspeeder (an auto-like transport that travels a few
feet
above the ground on a magnetic-field). He motions for
the tiny
robot to follow him.
LUKE: Hurry up! Come with me! What are you waiting for?! Get in
gear!
The robot scoots around in a tight circle, stops
short, and
smoke begins to pour out of every joint. Luke throws his
arms
up in disgust. Exasperated, the young farm boy jumps
into his
Landspeeder leaving the smoldering robot to hum madly.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- MAIN HALLWAY.
The awesome, seven-foot-tall Dark Lord of the Sith makes
his
way into the blinding light of the main passageway. This
is
Darth Vader, right hand of the Emperor. His face is
obscured
by his flowing black robes and grotesque breath mask,
which
stands out next to the fascist white armored suits of
the
Imperial stormtroopers. Everyone instinctively backs
away from
the imposing warrior and a deathly quiet sweeps through
the
Rebel troops. Several of the Rebel troops break and run
in a
frenzied panic.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
A woman's hand puts a card into an opening in Artoo's
dome.
Artoo makes beeping sounds.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER.
Threepio stands in a hallway, somewhat bewildered. Artoo
is
nowhere in sight. The pitiful screams of the doomed
Rebel
soldiers can be heard in the distance.
THREEPIO: Artoo! Artoo-Detoo, where are you?
A familiar clanking sound attacks Threepio's
attention and
he spots little Artoo at the end of the hallway in a
smoke-filled alcove. A beautiful young girl (about
sixteen
years old) stands in front of Artoo. Surreal and out of
place,
dreamlike and half hidden in the smoke, she finishes
adjusting
something on Artoo's computer face, then watches as the
little
robot joins his companion.
THREEPIO: At last! Where have you been?
Stormtroopers can be heard battling in the distance.
THREEPIO: They're heading in this direction. What are we going
to do?
We'll be sent to the spice mine of Kessel or smashed into who
knows
what!
Artoo scoots past his bronze friend and races down
the
subhallway. Threepio chases after him.
THREEPIO: Wait a minute, where are you going?
Artoo responds with electronic beeps.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- CORRIDOR
The evil Darth Vader stands amid the broken and twisted
bodies
of his foes. He grabs a wounded Rebel Officer by the
neck as
an Imperial Officer rushes up to the Dark Lord.
IMPERIAL OFFICER: The Death Star plans are not in the main
computer.
Vader squeezes the neck of the Rebel Officer, who
struggles
in vain.
VADER: Where are those transmissions you intercepted?
Vader lifts the Rebel off his feet by his throat.
VADER: What have you done with those plans?
REBEL OFFICER: We intercepted no transmissions. Aaah....This is
a
consular ship. Were on a diplomatic mission.
VADER: If this is a consular ship...were is the Ambassador?
The Rebel refuses to speak but eventually cries out
as the
Dark Lord begins to squeeze the officer's throat,
creating a
gruesome snapping and choking, until the soldier goes
limp.
Vader tosses the dead soldier against the wall and turns
to
his troops.
VADER: Commander, tear this ship apart until you've found those
plans
and bring me the Ambassador. I want her alive!
The stormtroopers scurry into the subhallways.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- SUBHALLWAY.
The lovely young girl huddles in a small alcove as the
stormtroopers search through the ship. She is Princess
Leia
Organa, a member of the Alderaan Senate. The fear in her
eyes
slowly gives way to anger as the muted crushing sounds
of the
approaching stormtroopers grow louder. One of the
troopers
spots her.
TROOPER: There she is! Set for stun!
Leia steps from her hiding place and blasts a trooper
with
her laser pistol. She starts to run but is felled by a
paralyzing ray. The troopers inspect her inert body.
TROOPER: She'll be all right. Inform Lord Vader we have a
prisoner.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- SUBHALLWAY.
Artoo stops before the small hatch of an emergency
lifepod. He
snaps the seal on the main latch and a red warning light
begins to flash. The stubby astro-robot works his way
into the
cramped four-man pod.
THREEPIO: Hey, you're not permitted in there. It's restricted.
You'll
be deactivated for sure..
Artoo beeps something to him.
THREEPIO: Don't call me a mindless philosopher, you overweight
glob of
grease! Now come out before somebody sees you.
Artoo whistles something at his reluctant friend
regarding
the mission he is about to perform.
THREEPIO: Secret mission? What plans? What are you talking
about? I'm
not getting in there!
Artoo isn't happy with Threepio's stubbornness, and
he beeps
and twangs angrily.
A new explosion, this time very close, sends dust and
debris
through the narrow subhallway. Flames lick at Threepio
and,
after a flurry of electronic swearing from Artoo, the
lanky
robot jumps into the lifepod.
THREEPIO: I'm going to regret this.
INTERIOR: IMPERIAL STARDESTROYER.
On the main viewscreen, the lifepod carrying the two
terrified
robots speeds away from the stricken Rebel spacecraft.
CHIEF PILOT: There goes another one.
CAPTAIN: Hold your fire. There are no life forms. It must have
been
short-circuited.
INTERIOR: LIFEPOD.
Artoo and Threepio look out at the receding Imperial
starship.
Stars circle as the pod rotates through the galaxy.
THREEPIO: That's funny, the damage doesn't look as bad from out
here.
Artoo beeps an assuring response.
THREEPIO: Are you sure this things safe?
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ANCHORHEAD SETTLEMENT -- POWER STATION --
DAY.
Heat waves radiate from the dozen or so bleached white
buildings. Luke pilots his Landspeeder through the dusty
empty
street of the tiny settlement. An old woman runs to get
out of
the way of the speeding vehicle, shaking her fist at
Luke as
he flies past.
WOMAN: I've told you kids to slow down!
INTERIOR: POWER STATION -- DAY.
Luke bursts into the power station, waking The Fixer, a
rugged
mechanic and Camie, a sexy, disheveled girl who has been
asleep in his lap. They grumbled as he races through the
office, yelling wildly.
FIXER: Did I hear a young noise blast through here?
CAMIE: It was just wormie on another rampage.
Luke bounces into a small room behind the office
where Deak
and Windy, two tough boys about the same age as Luke,
are
playing a computer pool-like game with Biggs, a burly,
handsome boy a few years older than the rest. His flashy
city
attire is a sharp contrast to the loose-fitting tunics
of the
farm boys. A robot repairs some equipment in the
background.
LUKE: Shape it up you guys!.... Biggs?
Luke's surprise at the appearance of Biggs gives way
to
great joy and emotion. They give each other a great bear
hug.
LUKE: I didn't know you were back! When did you get in?
BIGGS: Just now. I wanted to surprise you, hot shot. I thought
you'd be
here...certainly didn't expect you to be out working. (he
laughs.)
LUKE: The Academy didn't change you much...but you're back so
soon?
Hey, what happened, didn't you get your commission?
Biggs has an air of cool that seems slightly phony.
BIGGS: Of course I got it. Signed aboard The Rand Ecliptic last
week.
First mate Biggs Darklighter at your service...(he salutes)...I
just
came to say good-bye to all you unfortunate landlocked
simpletons.
Everyone laughs. The dazzling spectacle of his
dashing
friend is almost too much for Luke, but suddenly he
snaps out
of it.
LUKE: I almost forgot. There's a battle going on! Right here in
our
system. Come and look!
DEAK: Not again! Forget it.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ANCHORHEAD -- SETTLEMENT -- POWER STATION
-- DAY.
The group stumbles out into the stifling desert sun.
Camie and
The Fixer complain and are forced to shade their eyes.
Luke
has his binoculars out scanning the heavens.
LUKE: There they are!
Biggs takes the binoculars from Luke as the others
strain
to see something with the naked eye. Through the
binoculars
Biggs sees two small silver specks.
BIGGS: That's no battle, hot shot...they're just sitting there!
Probably a freighter-tanker refueling.
LUKE: But there was a lot of firing earlier...
Camie grabs the binoculars away banging them against
the
building in the process. Luke grabs them.
LUKE: Hey, easy with those...
CAMIE: Don't worry about it, Wormie.
The Fixer gives Luke a hard look and the young farm
boy
shrugs his shoulders in resignation.
FIXER: I keep telling you, the Rebellion is a long way from
here. I
doubt if the Empire would even fight to keep this system.
Believe me
Luke, this planet is a big hunk of nothing...
Luke agrees, although it's obvious he isn't sure why.
The
group stumbles back into the power station, grumbling
about
Luke's ineptitude.
INTERIOR: REBEL BLOCKADE RUNNER -- HALLWAY
Princess Leia is led down a low-ceilinged hallway by a
squad
of armored stormtroopers. Her hands are bound and she is
brutally shoved when she is unable to keep up with the
briskly
marching troops. They stop in a smoky hallway as Darth
Vader
emerges from the shadows. The sinister Dark Lord stares
hard
at the frail young senator, but she doesn't move.
LEIA: Lord Vader, I should have known. Only you could be so
bold. The
Imperial Senate will not sit for this, when they hear you've
attacked
a diplomatic...
VADER: Don't play games with me, Your Highness. You weren't on
any
mercy mission this time. You passed directly through a
restricted
system. Several transmissions were beamed to this ship by Rebel
spies.
I want to know what happened to the plans they sent you.
LEIA: I don't know what you're talking about. I'm a member of
the
Imperial Senate on a diplomatic mission to Alderaan...
VADER: You're a part of the Rebel Alliance...and a traitor. Take
her
away!
Leia is marched away down the hallway and into the
smoldering hole blasted in the side of the ship. An
Imperial
Commander turns to Vader.
COMMANDER: Holding her is dangerous. If word of this gets out,
it
could generate sympathy for the Rebellion in the senate.
VADER: I have traced the Rebel spies to her. Now she is my only
link
to find their secret base!
COMMANDER: She'll die before she tells you anything.
VADER: Leave that to me. Send a distress signal and then inform
the
senate that all aboard were killed!
Another Imperial Officer approaches Vader and the
Commander. They stop and snap to attention.
SECOND OFFICER: Lord Vader, the battle station plans are not
aboard
this ship! And no transmissions were made. An escape pod was
jettisoned during the fighting, but no life forms were aboard.
Vader turns to the Commander.
VADER: She must have hidden the plans in the escape pod. Send a
detachment down to retrieve them. See to it personally,
Commander.
There'll be no one to stop us this time.
COMMANDER: Yes, sir.
EXTERIOR: SPACE.
The Imperial Stardestroyer comes over the surface of the
planet Tatooine.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT.
Jundland, or "No Man's Land", where the rugged desert
mesas
meet the foreboding dune sea. The two helpless
astro-droids
kick up clouds of sand as they leave the lifepod and
clumsily
work their way across the desert wasteland. The lifepod
in the
distance rests half buried in the sand.
THREEPIO: How did I get into this mess? I really don't know how.
We
seem to be made to suffer. It's our lot in life.
Artoo answers with beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: I've got to rest before I fall apart. My joints are
almost
frozen.
Artoo continues to respond with beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: What a desolate place this is.
Suddenly Artoo whistles, makes a sharp right turn and
starts off in the direction of the rocky desert mesas.
Threepio
stops and yells at him.
THREEPIO: Where are you going?
A stream of electronic noises pours forth from the
small
robot.
THREEPIO: Well, I'm not going that way. It's much too rocky.
This way
is much easier.
Artoo counters with a long whistle.
THREEPIO: What makes you think there are settlements over there?
Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: Don't get technical with me.
Artoo continues to make beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: What mission? What are you talking about? I've had
just
about enough of you! Go that way! You'll be malfunctioning
within a
day, you nearsighted scrap pile!
Threepio gives the little robot a kick and starts off
in
the direction of the vast dune sea.
THREEPIO: And don't let me catch you following me begging for
help,
because you won't get it.
Artoo's reply is a rather rude sound. He turns and
trudges
off in the direction of the towering mesas.
THREEPIO: No more adventures. I'm not going that way.
Artoo beeps to himself as he makes his way toward the
distant mountains.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DUNE SEA.
Threepio, hot and tired, struggles up over the ridge of
a dune;
only to find more dunes, which seem to go on for endless
miles. He looks back in the direction of the now
distant rock
mesas.
THREEPIO: That malfunctioning little twerp. This is all his
fault! He
tricked me into going this way, but he'll do no better.
In a huff of anger and frustration, Threepio knocks
the
sand from his joints. His plight seems hopeless, when a
glint
of reflected light in the distance reveals an object
moving
towards him.
THREEPIO: Wait, what's that? A transport! I'm saved!
The bronze android waves frantically and yells at the
approaching transport.
THREEPIO: Over here! Help! Please, help!
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ANCHORHEAD SETTLEMENT -- POWER STATION --
DAY.
Luke and Biggs are walking and drinking a malt brew.
Fixer and
the others can be heard working inside.
LUKE: (Very animated)...so I cut off my power, shut down the
afterburners and came in low on Deak's trail. I was so close I
thought
I was going to fry my instruments. As it was I busted up the
Skyhopper
pretty bad. Uncle Owen was pretty upset. He grounded me for the
rest
of the season. You should have been there...it was fantastic.
BIGGS: You ought to take it easy Luke. You may be the hottest
bushpilot this side of Mos Eisley, but those little Skyhoppers
are
dangerous. Keep it up, and one day, whammo, you're going to be
nothing
more than a dark spot on the down side of a canyon wall.
LUKE: Look who's talking. Now that you've been around those
giant
starships you're beginning to sound like my uncle. You've gotten
soft
in the city...
BIGGS: I've missed you kid.
LUKE: Well, things haven't been the same since you left, Biggs.
It's
been so...quiet.
Biggs looks around then leans close to Luke.
BIGGS: Luke, I didn't come back just to say good-bye...I
shouldn't
tell you this, but you're the only one I can trust...and if I
don't
come back, I want somebody to know.
Luke's eyes are wide with Biggs' seriousness and
loyalty.
LUKE: What are you talking about?
BIGGS: I made some friends at the Academy. (he whispers)...when
our
frigate goes to one of the central systems, we're going to jump
ship
and join the Alliance...
Luke, amazed and stunned, is almost speechless.
LUKE: Join the Rebellion?! Are you kidding! How?
BIGGS: Quiet down will ya! You got a mouth bigger than a meteor
crater!
LUKE: I'm sorry. I'm quiet. (he whispers) Listen how quiet I am.
You
can barely hear me...
Biggs shakes his head angrily and then continues.
BIGGS: My friend has a friend on Bestine who might help us make
contact.
LUKE: Your crazy! You could wander around forever trying to find
them.
BIGGS: I know it's a long shot, but if I don't find them I'll do
what
I can on my own...It's what we always talked about. Luke, I'm
not
going to wait for the Empire to draft me into service. The
Rebellion
is spreading and I want to be on the right side -- the side I
believe
in.
LUKE: And I'm stuck here...
BIGGS: I thought you were going to the Academy next term. You'll
get
your chance to get off this rock.
LUKE: Not likely! I had to cancel my application. There has been
a lot
of unrest among the Sandpeople since you left...they've even
raided
the outskirts of Anchorhead.
BIGGS: Your uncle could hold off a whole colony of Sandpeople
with one
blaster.
LUKE: I know, but he's got enough vaporators going to make the
place
pay off. He needs me for just one more season. I can't leave him
now.
BIGGS: I feel for you, Luke, you're going to have to learn what
seems
to be important or what really is important. What good is all
your
uncle's work if it's taken over by the Empire?...You know
they're
starting to nationalize commerce in the central systems...it
won't be
long before your uncle is merely a tenant, slaving for the
greater
glory of the Empire.
LUKE: It couldn't happen here. You said it yourself. The Empire
won't
bother with this rock.
BIGGS: Things always change.
LUKE: I wish I was going...Are you going to be around long?
BIGGS: No, I'm leaving in the morning...
LUKE: Then I guess I won't see you.
BIGGS: Maybe someday...I'll keep a lookout.
LUKE: Well, I'll be at the Academy next season...after that who
knows.
I won't be drafted into the Imperial Starfleet that's for
sure...Take
care of yourself, you'll always be the best friend I've got.
BIGGS: So long, Luke.
Biggs turns away from his old friend and heads
towards the
power station.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SUNSET.
The gargantuan rock formations are shrouded in a strange
foreboding mist and the onimous sounds of unearthly
creatures
fill the air. Artoo moves cautiously through the creepy
rock
canyon, inadvertently making a loud clicking noise as he
goes.
He hears a distant, hard, metallic sound and stops for a
moment. Convinced he is alone, he continues on his way.
In the distance, a pepple tumbles down the steep
canyon
wall and a small dark figure darts into the shadows. A
little
further up the canyon a slight flicker of light reveals
a pair
of eyes in the dark recesses only a few feet from the
narrow
path.
The unsuspecting robot waddles along the rugged trail
until
suddenly, out of nowhere, a powerful magnetic ray shoots
out
of the rocks and engulfs him in an eerie glow. He
manages one
short electronic squeak before he topples over onto his
back.
His bright computer lights flicker off, then on, then
off
again. Out of the rocks scurry three Jawas, no taller
than
Artoo. They holster strange and complex weapons as they
cautiously approach the robot. They wear grubby cloaks
and
their faces are shrouded so only their glowing eyes can
be
seen. They hiss and make odd guttural sounds as they
heave the
heavy robot onto their shoulders and carry him off down
the
trail.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET.
The eight Jawas carry Artoo out of the canyon to a huge
tank-like vehicle the size of a four-story house. They
weld a
small disk on the side of Artoo and then put him under a
large
tube on the side of the vehicle and the little robot is
sucked
into the giant machine.
The filthy little Jawas scurry like rats up small
ladders
and enter the main cabin of the behemoth transport.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- HOLD AREA.
It is dim inside the hold area of the Sandcrawler. Artoo
switches on a small floodlight on his forehead and
stumbles
around the scrap heap. The narrow beam swings across
rusty
metal rocket parts and an array of grotesquely twisted
and
maimed astro-robots. He lets out a pathetic electronic
whimper
and stumbles off toward what appears to be a door at the
end
of the chamber.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER -- PRISON AREA.
Artoo enters a wide room with a four-foot ceiling. In
the
middle of the scrap heap sit a dozen or so robots of
various
shapes and sizes. Some are engaged in electronic
conversation,
while others simply mill about. A voice of recognition
calls
out from the gloom.
THREEPIO: Artoo-Detoo! It's you! It's you!
A battered Threepio scrambles up to Artoo and
embraces him.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- SANDCRAWLER -- SUNSET.
The enormous Sandcrawler lumbers off toward the
magnificent
twin suns, which are slowly setting over a distant
mountain
ridge.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- DAY.
Four Imperial stormtroopers mill about in front of the
half-
buried lifepod that brought Artoo and Threepio to
Tatooine. A
trooper yells to an officer some distance away.
FIRST TROOPER: Someone was in the pod. The tracks go off in this
direction.
A second trooper picks a small bit of metal out of
the sand
and gives it to the first trooper.
SECOND TROOPER: Look, sir -- droids.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DUNES.
The Sandcrawler moves slowly down a great sand dune.
INTERIOR: SANDCRAWLER.
Threepio and Artoo noisily bounce along inside the
cramped
prison chamber. Artoo appears to be shut off.
THREEPIO: Wake up! Wake up!
Suddenly the shaking and bouncing of the Sandcrawler
stops,
creating quite a commotion among the mechanical men.
Threepio's fist bangs the head of Artoo whose computer
lights
pop on as he begins beeping. At the far end of the long
chamber a hatch opens, filling the chamber with blinding
white
light. a dozen or so Jawas make their way through the
odd
assortment of robots.
THREEPIO: We're doomed.
A Jawa starts moving toward them.
THREEPIO: Do you think they'll melt us down?
Artoo responds, making beeping sounds.
THREEPIO: Don't shoot! Don't shoot! Will this never end?
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT -- LARS HOMESTEAD -- AFTERNOON.
The Jawas mutter gibberish as they busily line up their
battered captives, including Artoo and Threepio, in
front of
the enormous Sandcrawler, which is parked beside a small
homestead consisting of three large holes in the ground
surrounded by several tall moisture vaporators and one
small
adobe block house.
The Jawas scurry around fussing over the robots,
straightening them up or brushing some dust from a
dented
metallic elbow. The shrouded little creatures smell
horribly,
attracting small insects to the dark areas when their
mouths
and nostrils should be.
Out of the shadows of a dingy side-building limps
Owen
Lars, a large burly man in his mid-fifties. His reddish
eyes
are sunken in a dust-covered face. As the farmer
carefully
inspects each robot, he is closely followed by his
slump-
shouldered nephew, Luke Skywalker. One of the vile
little
Jawas walks ahead of the farmer spouting an animated
sales
pitch in a queer, unintelligible language.
A voice calls out from one of the huge holes that
form the
homestead. Luke goes over to the edge and sees his Aunt
Beru
standing in the main courtyard.
BERU: Luke, tell Owen that if he gets a translator to be sure it
speaks Bocce.
LUKE: It looks like we don't have much of a choice but I'll
remind
him.
Luke returns to his uncle as they look over the
equipment
for sale with the Jawa leader.
OWEN: I have no need for a protocol droid.
THREEPIO: (quickly) Sir -- not in an environment such as this --
that's why I've also been programmed for over thirty secondary
functions that...
OWEN: What I really need is a droid that understands the binary
language of moisture vaporators.
THREEPIO: Vaporators! Sir -- My first job was programming binary
load
lifter...very similar to your vaporators. You could say...
OWEN: Do you speak Bocce?
THREEPIO: Of course I can, sir. It's like a second language for
me...I'm as fluent in Bocce...
OWEN: All right shut up! (turning to Jawa) I'll take this one.
THREEPIO: Shutting up, sir.
OWEN: Luke, take these two over to the garage, will you? I want
you to
have both of them cleaned up before dinner.
LUKE: But I was going into Toshi Station to pick up some power
converters...
OWEN: You can waste time with your friends when your chores are
done.
Now come on, get to it!
LUKE: All right, come on! And the red one, come on. Well, come
on,
Red, let's go.
As the Jawas start to lead the three remaining robots
back into the Sandcrawler, Artoo lets out a pathetic
little
beep and starts after his old friend Threepio. He is
restrained by a slimy Jawa, who zaps him with a control
box.
Owen is negotiating with the head Jawa. Luke and the
two
robots start off for the garage when a plate pops off
the head
of the red astro-droid's head plate and it sparks
wildly.
LUKE: Uncle Owen...
OWEN: Yeah?
LUKE: This R2 unit has a bad motivator. Look!
OWEN: (to the head Jawa) Hey, what're you trying to push on us?
The Jawa goes into a loud spiel. Meanwhile, Artoo has
sneaked out of line and is moving up and down trying to
attract attention. He lets out with a low whistle.
Threepio
taps Luke on the shoulder.
THREEPIO: (pointing to Artoo) Excuse me, sir, but that R2 unit
is in
prime condition. A real bargain.
LUKE: Uncle Owen...
OWEN: Yeah?
LUKE: What about that one?
OWEN: (to Jawa) What about that blue one? We'll take that one.
With a little reluctance the scruffy dwarf trades the
damaged astro-droid for Artoo.
LUKE: Yeah, take it away.
THREEPIO: Uh, I'm quite sure you'll be very pleased with that
one,
sir. He really is in first-class condition. I've worked with him
before. Here he comes.
Owen pays off the whining Jawa as Luke and the two
robots
trudge off toward a grimy homestead entry.
LUKE: Okay, let's go.
THREEPIO: (to Artoo) Now, don't you forget this! Why I should
stick my
neck out for you is quite beyond my capacity!
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- GARAGE AREA -- LATE AFTERNOON.
The garage is cluttered and worn, but a friendly
peaceful
atmosphere permeates the low grey chamber. Threepio
lowers
himself into a large tub filled with warm oil. Near the
battered Landspeeder little Artoo rests on a large
battery
with a cord to his face.
THREEPIO: Thank the maker! This oil bath is going to feel so
good.
I've got such a bad case of dust contamination, I can barely
move!
Artoo beeps a muffled reply. Luke seems to be lost in
thought as he runs his hand over the damaged fin of a
small
two-man Skyhopper spaceship resting in a low hangar off
the
garage. Finally Luke's frustrations get the better of
him and
he slams a wrench across the workbench.
LUKE: It just isn't fair. Oh, Biggs is right. I'm never gonna
get out
of here!
THREEPIO: Is there anything I might do to help?
Luke glances at the battered robot. A bit of his
anger
drains and a tiny smile creeps across his face.
LUKE: Well, not unless you can alter time, speed up the harvest,
or
teleport me off this rock!
THREEPIO: I don't think so, sir. I'm only a droid and not very
knowledgeable about such things. Not on this planet, anyways. As
a
matter of fact, I'm not even sure which planet I'm on.
LUKE: Well, if there's a bright center to the universe, you're
on the
planet that it's farthest from.
THREEPIO: I see, sir.
LUKE: Uh, you can call me Luke.
THREEPIO: I see, sir Luke.
LUKE: (laughing) Just Luke.
THREEPIO: And I am See-Threepio, human-cyborg relations, and
this is
my counterpart, Artoo-Detoo.
LUKE: Hello.
Artoo beeps in response. Luke unplugs Artoo and
begins to
scrape several connectors on the robot's head with a
chrome
pick. Threepio climbs out of the oil tub and begins
wiping oil
from his bronze body.
LUKE: You got a lot of carbon scoring here. It looks like you
boys
have seen a lot of action.
THREEPIO: With all we've been through, sometimes I'm amazed
we're in
as good condition as we are, what with the Rebellion and all.
LUKE: You know of the Rebellion against the Empire?
THREEPIO: That's how we came to be in your service, if you take
my
meaning, sir.
LUKE: Have you been in many battles?
THREEPIO: Several, I think. Actually, there's not much to tell.
I'm
not much more than an interpreter, and not very good at telling
stories. Well, not at making them interesting, anyways.
Luke struggles to remove a small metal fragment from
Artoo's
neck joint. He uses a larger pick.
LUKE: Well, my little friend, you've got something jammed in
here real
good. Were you on a cruiser or...
The fragment breaks loose with a snap, sending Luke
tumbling head over heels. He sits up and sees a
twelve-inch
three-dimensional hologram of Leia Organa, the Rebel
senator,
being projected from the face of little Artoo. The image
is a
rainbow of colors as it flickers and jiggles in the
dimly lit
garage. Luke's mouth hangs open in awe.
LEIA: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope.
LUKE: What's this?
Artoo looks around and sheepishly beeps an answer for
Threepio to translate. Leia continues to repeat the
sentence
fragment over and over.
THREEPIO: What is what?!? He asked you a question...(pointing to
Leia)
What is that?
Artoo whistles his surprise as he pretends to just
notice
the hologram. He looks around and sheepishly beeps an
answer
for Threepio to translate. Leia continues to repeat the
sentence fragment over and over.
LEIA: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi. You're my only hope. Help me,
Obi-Wan
Kenobi. You're my only hope.
THREEPIO: Oh, he says it's nothing, sir. Merely a malfunction.
Old
data. Pay it no mind.
Luke becomes intrigued by the beautiful girl.
LUKE: Who is she? She's beautiful.
THREEPIO: I'm afraid I'm not quite sure, sir.
LEIA: Help me, Obi-Wan Kenobi...
THREEPIO: I think she was a passenger on our last voyage. A
person of
some importance, sir -- I believe. Our captain was attached
to...
LUKE: Is there more to this recording?
Luke reaches out for Artoo but he lets out several
frantic
squeaks and a whistle.
THREEPIO: Behave yourself, Artoo. You're going to get us in
trouble.
It's all right, you can trust him. He's our new master.
Artoo whistles and beeps a long message to Threepio.
THREEPIO: He says he's the property of Obi-Wan Kenobi, a
resident of
these parts. And it's a private message for him. Quite frankly,
sir I
don't know what he's talking about. Our last master was Captain
Antilles, but with what we've been through, this little R2 unit
has
become a bit eccentric.
LUKE: Obi-Wan Kenobi? I wonder if he means old Ben Kenobi?
THREEPIO: I beg your pardon, sir, but do you know what he's
talking
about?
LUKE: Well, I don't know anyone named Obi-Wan, but old Ben lives
out
beyond the dune sea. He's kind of a strange old hermit.
Luke's gazes at the beautiful young princess for a
few
moments.
LUKE: I wonder who she is. It sounds like she's in trouble. I'd
better
play back the whole thing.
Artoo beeps something to Threepio.
THREEPIO: He says the restraining bolt has short circuited his
recording system. He suggests that if you remove the bolt, he
might be
able to play back the entire recording.
Luke looks longingly at the lovely, little princess
and
hasn't really heard what Threepio has been saying.
LUKE: H'm? Oh, yeah, well, I guess you're too small to run away
on me
if I take this off! Okay.
Luke takes a wedged bar and pops the restraining bolt
off
Artoo's side.
LUKE: There you go.
The princess immediately disappears...
LUKE: Well, wait a minute. Where'd she go? Bring her back! Play
back
the entire message.
Artoo beeps an innocent reply as Threepio sits up in
embarrassment.
THREEPIO: What message? The one you're carrying inside your
rusty
innards!
A women's voice calls out from another room.
AUNT BERU: Luke? Luke! Come to dinner!
Luke stands up and shakes his head at the
malfunctioning
robot.
LUKE: All right, I'll be right there, Aunt Beru.
THREEPIO: I'm sorry, sir, but he appears to have picked up a
slight
flutter.
Luke tosses Artoo's restraining bolt on the workbench
and
hurries out of the room.
LUKE: Well, see what you can do with him. I'll be right back.
THREEPIO: (to Artoo) Just you reconsider playing that message
for him.
Artoo beeps in response.
THREEPIO: No, I don't think he likes you at all.
Artoo beeps.
THREEPIO: No, I don't like you either.
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- DINING AREA.
Luke's Aunt Beru, a warm, motherly woman, fills a
pitcher
with blue fluid from a refrigerated container in the
well-used
kitchen. She puts the pitcher on a tray with some bowls
of
food and starts for the dining area.
Luke sits with his Uncle Owen before a table covered
with
steaming bowls of food as Aunt Beru carries in a bowl of
red
grain.
LUKE: You know, I think that R2 unit we bought might have been
stolen.
OWEN: What makes you think that?
LUKE: Well, I stumbled across a recording while I was cleaning
him. He
says he belongs to someone called Obi-Wan Kenobi.
Owen is greatly alarmed at the mention of his name,
but
manages to control himself.
LUKE: I thought he might have meant old Ben. Do you know what
he's
talking about? Well, I wonder if he's related to Ben.
Owen breaks loose with a fit of uncontrolled anger.
OWEN: That old man's just a crazy old wizard. Tomorrow I want
you to
take that R2 unit into Anchorhead and have its memory flushed.
That'll
be the end of it. It belongs to us now.
LUKE: But what if this Obi-Wan comes looking for him?
OWEN: He won't, I don't think he exists any more. He died about
the
same time as your father.
LUKE: He knew my father?
OWEN: I told you to forget it. Your only concern is to prepare
the new
droids for tomorrow. In the morning I want them on the south
ridge
working out those condensers.
LUKE: Yes, sir. I think those new droids are going to work out
fine.
In fact, I, uh, was also thinking about our agreement about my
staying
on another season. And if these new droids do work out, I want
to
transmit my application to the Academy this year.
Owen's face becomes a scowl, although he tries to
suppress
it.
OWEN: You mean the next semester before harvest?
LUKE: Sure, there're more than enough droids.
OWEN: Harvest is when I need you the most. Only one more season.
This
year we'll make enough on the harvest so I'll be able to hire
some
more hands. And then you can go to the Academy next year.
Luke continues to toy with his food, not looking at
his
uncle.
OWEN: You must understand I need you here, Luke.
LUKE: But it's a whole 'nother year.
OWEN: Look, it's only one more season.
Luke pushes his half-eaten plate of food aside and
stands.
LUKE: Yeah, that's what you said last year when Biggs and Tank
left.
AUNT BERU: Where are you going?
LUKE: It looks like I'm going nowhere. I have to finish cleaning
those
droids.
Resigned to his fate, Luke paddles out of the room.
Owen
mechanically finishes his dinner.
AUNT BERU: Owen, he can't stay here forever. Most of his friends
have
gone. It means so much to him.
OWEN: I'll make it up to him next year. I promise.
AUNT BERU: Luke's just not a farmer, Owen. He has too much of
his
father in him.
OWEN: That's what I'm afraid of.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- LARS HOMESTEAD.
The giant twin suns of Tatooine slowly disappear behind
a
distant dune range. Luke stands watching them for a few
moments, then reluctantly enters the doomed entrance to
the
homestead.
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- GARAGE.
Luke enters the garage to discover the robots nowhere
in
sight. He takes a small control box from his utility
belt
similar to the one the Jawas were carrying. He activates
the
box, which creates a low hum, and Threepio, letting out
a
short yell, pops up from behind the Skyhopper spaceship.
LUKE: What are you doing hiding there?
Threepio stumbles forward, but Artoo is still nowhere
in
sight.
THREEPIO: It wasn't my fault, sir. Please don't deactivate me. I
told
him not to go, but he's faulty, malfunctioning; kept babbling on
about
his mission.
LUKE: Oh, no!
Luke races out of the garage followed by Threepio.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- LARS HOMESTEAD.
Luke rushes out of the small doomed entry to the
homestead and
searches the darkening horizon for the small triped
astro-
robot. Threepio struggles out of the homestead and on
the salt
flat as Luke scans the landscape with his
electrobinoculars.
THREEPIO: That R2 unit has always been a problem. These
astro-droids
are getting quite out of hand. Even I can't understand their
logic at
times.
LUKE: How could I be so stupid? He's nowhere in sight. Blast it!
THREEPIO: Pardon me, sir, but couldn't we go after him?
LUKE: It's too dangerous with all the Sandpeople around. We'll
have to
wait until morning.
Owen yells up from the homestead plaza.
OWEN: Luke, I'm shutting the power down for the night.
LUKE: All right, I'll be there in a few minutes. Boy, am I gonna
get it.
He takes one final look across the dim horizon.
LUKE: You know that little droid is going to cause me a lot of
trouble.
THREEPIO: Oh, he excels at that, sir.
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- PLAZA.
Morning slowly creeps into the sparse but sparkling
oasis of
the open courtyard. The idyll is broken be the yelling
of
Uncle Owen, his voice echoing throughout the homestead.
OWEN: Luke? Luke? Luke? Where could he be loafing now!
INTERIOR: LARS HOMESTEAD -- KITCHEN.
The interior of the kitchen is a worm glow as Aunt Beru
prepares
the morning breakfast. Owen enters in a huff.
OWEN: Have you seen Luke this morning?
AUNT BERU: He said he had some things to do before he started
today,
so he left early.
OWEN: Uh? Did he take those two new droids with him?
AUNT BERU: I think so.
OWEN: Well, he'd better have those units in the south range
repaired
be midday or there'll be hell to pay!
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- DESERT WASTELAND -- LUKE'S SPEEDER -- DAY.
The rock and sand of the desert floor are a blur as
Threepio
pilots the sleek Landspeeder gracefully across the vast
wasteland.
INTERIOR/EXTERIOR: LUKE'S SPEEDER -- DESERT WASTELAND --
TRAVELING -- DAY.
Luke leans over the back of the speeder and adjusts
something
in the motor compartment.
LUKE: (yelling) How's that.
Threepio signals that is fine and Luke turns back
into the
wind-whipped cockpit and pops the canopy shut.
LUKE: Old Ben Kenobi lives out in this direction somewhere, but
I
don't see how that R2 unit could have come this far. We must
have
missed him. Uncle Owen isn't going to take this very well.
THREEPIO: Sir, would it help if you told him it was my fault.
LUKE: (brightening) Sure. He needs you. He'd probably only
deactivate
you for a day or so...
THREEPIO: Deactivate! Well, on the other hand if you hadn't
removed
his restraining bolt...
LUKE: Wait, there's something dead ahead on the scanner. It
looks like
our droid...hit the accelerator.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK MESA -- DUNE SEA -- COASTLINE -- DAY.
From high on a rock mesa, the tiny Landspeeder can be
seen
gliding across the desert floor. Suddenly in the
foreground
two weather-beaten Sandpeople shrouded in their grimy
desert
cloaks peer over the edge of the rock mesa. One of the
marginally human creatures raises a long ominous laser
rifle
and points it at the speeder but the second creature
grabs the
gun before it can be fired.
The Sandpeople, or Tusken Raiders as they're
sometimes
called, speak in a coarse barbaric language as they get
into
an animated argument. The second Tusken Raider seems to
get in
the final word and the nomads scurry over the rocky
terrain.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK MESA -- CANYON.
The Tusken Raider approaches two large Banthas standing
tied
to a rock. The monstrous, bear-like creatures are as
large as
elephants, with huge red eyes, tremendous looped horns,
and
long, furry, dinosaur-like tails. The Tusken Raiders
mount
saddles strapped to the huge creatures' shaggy backs and
ride
off down the rugged bluff.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- FLOOR.
The speeder is parked on the floor of a massive canyon.
Luke,
with his long laser rifle slung over his shoulder,
stands
before little Artoo.
LUKE: Hey, whoa, just where do you think you're going?
The little droid whistles a feeble reply, as Threepio
poses
menacingly behind the little runaway.
THREEPIO: Master Luke here is your rightful owner. We'll have no
more
of this Obi-Wan Kenobi jibberish...and don't talk to me about
your
mission, either. You're fortunate he doesn't blast you into a
million
pieces right here.
LUKE: Well, come on. It's getting late. I only hope we can get
back
before Uncle Owen really blows up.
THREEPIO: If you don't mind my saying so, sir, I think you
should
deactivate the little fugitive until you've gotten him back to
your
workshop.
LUKE: No, he's not going to try anything.
Suddenly the little robot jumps to life with a mass
of
frantic whistles and screams.
LUKE: What's wrong with him now?
THREEPIO: Oh my...sir, he says there are several creatures
approaching
from the southeast.
Luke swings his rifle into position and looks to the
south.
LUKE: Sandpeople! Or worst! Come on, let's have a look. Come on.
EXTERIOR: TATOOINE -- ROCK CANYON -- RIDGE -- DAY.
Luke carefully makes his way to the top of a rock ridge
and
scans the canyon with his electrobinoculars. He spots
the two
riderless Banthas. Threepio struggles up behind the
young
adventurer.
LUKE: There are two
#Post#: 21550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Worst Game Ever
By: Stickly Date: March 8, 2015, 4:52 pm
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