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#Post#: 60330--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: Hippocrates
Date: March 3, 2025, 5:27 am
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Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Sil.
Sil who?
Silhouette.
#Post#: 64727--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: v8offroad
Date: March 29, 2025, 6:06 am
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Paddy is 85 and lives in a Senior Citizens Home. Every night
after dinner he goes to a secluded garden behind the home to sit
and ponder his accomplishments and long life. One evening, Mary,
age 82, wanders into the garden. They begin to chat and before
they know it, several hours have passed.
After a short lull in their conversation, Paddy turns to Mary
and asks, "Do you know what I miss most of all?"
She asks, "What?''
"Sex." he replies.
Mary exclaims, "Why you old toot. You couldn't get it up if I
held a gun to your head!"
"I know," says Paddy, "but it would be nice if a woman could
just hold it for a while."
"Well, I can oblige," says Mary, who unzips his trousers,
removes his manhood and proceeds to hold it.
Afterward, they agree to meet secretly each night in the garden
where they would sit and talk and Mary would hold Paddy's
thingie.
Then one night Paddy didn't show up at their usual meeting
place.
Alarmed, Mary decided to find him and make sure he was O.K.
She walked around the Senior Citizen Home where she found him
sitting by the pool with Ethel, another female resident, who was
holding Paddy's's little pal!
Furious, Mary yelled, "You two-timing son-of-a-gun!! What does
Ethel have that I don't have?"
Old Paddy smiled happily and replied, "Parkinson's"
#Post#: 64752--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: mickR
Date: March 29, 2025, 8:45 am
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THE HUMAN BRAIN
the human brain is an amazing organ
it works continuously
24 hours a day
7 days a week
52 weeks of the year
from before leaving the womb
right up till you
vote Labour
#Post#: 64754--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: mickR
Date: March 29, 2025, 8:52 am
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My wife and I decided we didnt want children
it was a difficult decision but we are telling them tonight.
#Post#: 64847--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: v8offroad
Date: March 30, 2025, 5:15 am
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A driver was stuck in a traffic jam on the M25 near London.
Nothing was moving. Suddenly, a man knocks on the window.
The driver rolls down the window and asks, "What's going on?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped all members of Parliament, and
they're asking for a £100 million ransom. Otherwise, they are
going to douse them all in petrol and set them on fire. We are
going from car to car, collecting donations."
"How much is everyone giving, on an average?" the driver asks.
The man replies, "Roughly a litre."
#Post#: 65820--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: Charitynjw
Date: April 6, 2025, 2:48 am
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My great grandad had a terrible accident.
He was up on some scaffolding, when it gave way & he fell
through.
He would have broken both legs if it hadn't been for that rope
around his neck! ;D
#Post#: 67275--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: Hippocrates
Date: April 15, 2025, 2:42 pm
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I was getting ready for a video hearing the other day last week
- wash hair and a shave.
Suddenly, as I looked in the mirror, I realised I was getting
old - I almost shampooed my hair with mouthwash.
Afterthought: today I ran out of shampoo so went to the Barbers
to have all my hair cut off. Now I do resemble Blofeld and can
swim faster.
#Post#: 68066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: v8offroad
Date: April 22, 2025, 8:10 am
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Everyone was seated around the table as the food was being
served. When little Johnny received his plate, he started eating
straight away.
"Jonny, wait until we've said our prayer," his mother reminded
him.
"I don't have to." - the little boy replied.
"Of course you do." – his mother insisted. "We say a prayer
before eating at our house."
“That's at our house,” Johnny explained, "but this is Grandma's
house and she knows how to cook."
#Post#: 70521--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: Hippocrates
Date: May 8, 2025, 6:55 am
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Operation Kit Kat
HTML https://youtu.be/i4q07cOXS6E
#Post#: 70577--------------------------------------------------
Re: Humour thread
DIR By: Fluffykins
Date: May 8, 2025, 12:44 pm
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Back in the days of the Wild West, cowboys on the range would
hang a lantern on their saddles to help them find their way
home. One of the earliest known examples of saddlelight
navigation.
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