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#Post#: 4--------------------------------------------------
My Story
By: Montravia Tommy Gun Date: August 6, 2011, 8:18 am
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My Story
In 1980 I was in a a serious relationship. Unfortunately as
time went by our relationship took a turn for the worse. In late
1980 we split up basically because his jealousy got the better
off him and shortly afterwards I knew I was pregnant. I knew it
would be a waste of telling my ex boyfriend he was the father as
he wouldn't have believed me.
I kept quiet long enough so that my parents couldn't try and
persuade me to have an abortion. It had crossed my mind once but
I couldn't go through with it as I wanted my baby. I was working
so could afford to keep my baby financially as well emotionally
wanted to keep him.
When my parents found out they went ballistic as it was too late
for me to have an abortion so they were adament he was to be
adopted. Nothing was discussed nor did I agree with them and
they went ahead with making arrangements. The first time I saw a
case worker was after I had my son on the 3rd August 1981 and I
admitted that I didn't want him adopted, that it was my parents
who were adament about this. She promised to put a stop to the
adoption and that she would support my decision. However she did
persuade me to let my son go into foster care until I got sorted
and not to see him in case I decided adoption was the best
option. My one act of defiance was to go and see him in the
nursery and to hold him for a while which I have always been
glad I did. I was in hospital for about a week as I was ill so
asked to see my son again but was told I was too ill to see him.
Later I found out he had already been moved to another hospital
so I couldn't have seen him anyway.
The weeks went by and I still wanted to keep my son but my
parents started putting more pressure on me as the case worker
had told them how I felt. They used lines like I couldn't work
and look after my son, I couldn't afford child care, they would
make sure I would lose my job, that I would be homeless and that
if I was living on the streets my son would be taken away from
me. When he was 6 weeks old I was told it was too late to put a
stop to the adoption which I naively believed so that was it.
For the next 23 years my son wasn't talked about although I
never forgot about him. I got married on the 20th November 1993
although unfortunately we haven't had any children. In early
1999 I had a falling out with my family. In the August my son
started searching for me and found my family quite quickly.
However by this time I had moved so they quite honestly told him
they didn't know where I was.
In late 2001 I got back in contact with my parents as I felt it
was time to try and bridges as they are elderly and frail. In
August 2004 my husband and I thought it would be fun to join
www.genesreunited.com which is a British based site for people
researching there family trees. After I had put all the details
that I could I realized my details had been entered by my son as
he was a member using the names I had given him. I emailed him
without a second thought then panicked about it. He responded
quite quickly and we have been in reunion since. I was very
upset to find out that my parents hadn't told me that they had
contact with him or let him know where I was, Their excuse was
that they didn't know if my husband knew about my son yet my
sister had told him about my son years ago. All I can assume is
that my sister didn't tell my parents what she had done. However
because of their silence my son thought I didn't want to know
him and that my family were covering for me though he knows that
isn't true now.
It's been a rollercoaster journey particularly since my son
moved in with us on the 21st Dec 2006. At the time we thought it
was just till September 2007 when he would be returning back to
Canada. My son moved out in 2009 and the journey continues....
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