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       #Post#: 304--------------------------------------------------
       V-Agent's Adventure
       By: Catherine Date: July 23, 2012, 9:52 pm
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       Once upon a time little V-Agent, aspiring Vogue photographer,
       was skipping through the forest with his Canon EOS 1Ds mk II
       camera flung carelessly over his hunched pimpled shoulders and
       he noticed the forest was full of huge massive angry trees. And
       in these huge massive angry trees were nasty, nasty, smelly old
       koalas with nasty, nasty Chlamydia infections. “Poor little
       endangered Koalas, I must take pictures of them so that when
       they’ve completely disappeared off the face of the earth along
       with the threatened Tasmanian Devil, I at least will be able to
       provide high quality photos in Vogue Magazine so the world will
       remember them. They will not be forgotten, after all, furs are a
       fashion accessory and if it wasn’t for the Americans hunting
       them almost to extinction, for their fur, in the first place,
       way, way back in the olden days, there would be a lot more now.”
       “My pictures will be the Nobel win for photography in the year 2
       thousand and something and I will be the most famous
       photographer in all the world and all the gay models and their
       anorexic female contemporaries will flock to have me photograph
       their atypical bodies.” “I will be the Cézanne of the digital
       medium, a master of pixel pieces”
       Little V-Agent was so busy with his thoughts of grandeur and all
       the accolades that fame fabricates, failed to notice it was
       getting darker and darker in the forest of huge, massive angry
       trees and was now thoroughly, completely and absolutely lost.
       Worse, it was getting cold and he had unwittingly lost the
       lenses cover to his, Canon EOS 1Ds mk II, camera.
       All this time, he had spotted not a single willing Chlamydia
       infected, nasty, nasty, smelly koala who would come down closer
       from the huge massive angry trees and smile at the Canon EOS 1Ds
       mk II, camera. By now, he was tired, hungry and grumpy as a 99
       yr old great grandfather with a broken hip and advanced
       Alzheimers so he decided to rest against a huge massive angry
       tree trunk but fear was starting to close in on his fragile
       mind. He bravely squared his hunched pimpled shoulders and
       pushed the invading fear to the furthers of his simple mind and
       pushed on.
       He gathered around some fallen leaves to make a soft seat for
       his large gluteus maximus that were quivering from fatigue, to
       rest on. He leaned back against the hard trunk and popped one of
       his shoulders zits. “Shit,” he cried out. “F u c k that hurt.”
       The mosquitoes were active and he angrily waved at them.
       It was during this uneasy time as he rested against the huge
       massive angry tree trunk he got the shock of his miserably short
       little life when all of a sudden a large imposing masked bandit
       jumped out from one of the huge, massive angry trees and landed
       in a squat position, right in front of him face to face like
       Tarzan the jungle man. “Feud,” he screamed. “Where the f u c k
       did you come from? And why do you wear a mask?”
       He quickly grabbed for his Canon EOS 1Ds mk II camera to capture
       an image but unfortunately Feud had crushed it on impact rending
       the Canon EOS 1Ds mk II camera smashed into bits. “Hey, that
       camera cost me near on $1500 you masked aboriginal ninja,
       wannabe”
       It went from bad to worse, Little V-Agent, aspiring Vogue
       photographer screams frightened a Chlamydia infected, nasty,
       nasty, smelly koala from his slumber and the poor creature
       suddenly lost his grip on a branch from the huge massive angry
       tree, falling down on little V-Agent, aspiring Vogue
       photographer’s, ugly head, pissed on it and took off like a shot
       into the blackened forest.
       Feud filled with pity for the luckless little V-Agent, aspiring
       Vogue photographer, held out one of his big claws and said,
       “Come V-Agent back to my wooden worker's shack and I will let
       Song hump you and nibble your ear but you will have to wipe off
       the koala piss first.”
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