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#Post#: 768--------------------------------------------------
How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: minenintedolp
Date: November 24, 2012, 4:58 pm
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Name. Bloomingflower
Age. 35 moons[/b
[b]Alliance. SkyClan
Rank. Deputy
Gender. She-cat
Appearance.A light brown tabby she-cat with dark amber eyes. Her
tail is long and dark brown with a white tail tip. She also has
short legs thst she uses for running and swimming very fast. She
has long and fuffy fur that she uses to make herself look bigger
than she is and short wiskers. [ Must be over four sentences ]
Personality. Bloomingflower is brave and well always be the one
in the frout lines helping her clan. But she is kind and caring
but NEVER say that she is not loyal to her clan and the cats in
it.Bloomingflower is cuning she can out whit and out smart any
cat who dare change her in a fight or battel
History.She lived in skyclan all of her life.But she does have
some dark history her and kin.Like how she was being train by
the dark forest and is to this day. Also when her mother was
yong she was a loner and was r*pe by a evil tom. And
Bloomingflower has no brothers or sisters all dead when she was
young.
Role Play sample.Bloomingflower padded along the river. The
waves crashed makeing water drops come rushing to her.[b]"Stupid
river! She hissed at the river than smiled. At the couner of her
eye Bloomingflower saw a cat at the bouder and ran over to the
cat."Who are you and why are you here?" Bloomingflower asked her
claws out reday to shed. The cat flicked a ear and smiled."So
you are the new Skyclan deputy right?" The tom asked. "Yes, I
am. Know before you lose your face tell me who you are?"She
asked her voce low. "My name is Rushingwater of riverclan. Can I
talk to the leader?"He asked."Yes, come lets go."Bloomingflower
said with a flick of her tail.[/b]
#Post#: 835--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 24, 2012, 5:52 pm
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Hi Minty!~
Although this bio is already great, there are a few things you
need to change fire I can approve you.
-- You need a space after every single period in the for.
Correct: "Name. Possiblealias." Incorrect: "Name.Possiblealias."
-- You have typos scattered throughout your bio.
-- The first letter of "Clan" in SkyClan is capitalized.
-- You have some choppy sentences.
-- The word "she" is used a lot.
-- You have to out a space after all of your punctuation. I
noticed you didn't do that in your roleplay sample.
-- There are some capitalization and grammar errors.
Please bump when done editing. (:
#Post#: 854--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: minenintedolp
Date: November 24, 2012, 6:05 pm
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You can just call me Willow...
#Post#: 862--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 24, 2012, 6:08 pm
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Please only reply when you're done editing so you do not confuse
other staff. (8
#Post#: 937--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: minenintedolp
Date: November 24, 2012, 7:06 pm
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Ok Bump.
#Post#: 941--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 24, 2012, 7:10 pm
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You still have some choppy sentences, typos and grammar errors.
Try running it through a word document. cx
Bump your post when done! 8D
#Post#: 1208--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: minenintedolp
Date: November 24, 2012, 9:27 pm
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bump
#Post#: 1248--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 24, 2012, 10:05 pm
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Approved~
#Post#: 1285--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: minenintedolp
Date: November 24, 2012, 10:19 pm
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sits there and gets a huge grin on her face. *Hugs her a tear
rolls down my eye* Thank you....
#Post#: 1292--------------------------------------------------
Re: How to save a life. (Bloomingflower's bio deputy of Skyclan)
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 24, 2012, 10:23 pm
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No problem. x3
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