DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Fireflies -- Warriors RPG
HTML https://fireflies.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Character Library
*****************************************************
#Post#: 1606--------------------------------------------------
windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Tiku
Date: November 25, 2012, 3:06 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Name. Windstorm
Age. 15 moons
Alliance. Windclan
Rank. Medicine cat
Gender. Male
Appearance. Windstorm a silver tabby with minor white spots on
his face and belly. He has a torn right ear and a scar running
across his eye. As a full grown tom, He is considered to be
small for his age and can be mistaken for an apprentice, With
his short stubby legs. Don't be fooled by his seeming lack of
muscle, He is quick on his paws and even faster with his claws.
This medicine cat loves the winter, His thick fur was made for
sleeping under the stars even on the coldest of nights.
[ Must be over four sentences ]
Personality. Windstorm is: fun loving, energetic, and most of
the time a pleasure to be around. He does, However, have his
moments when he might snap and hiss. This is not much of a worry
to those who know him, Because when it comes to staying on his
good side all you have to be sure of is that the actions
irritating him, Aren't a threat to the beloved clan he was born
to. When it comes to his clan and family, his loyalty is
genuine.
[ Must be over four sentences ]
History.Windstorm was born into Windclan fifteen moons ago to a
queen named skyblossom. For most of his life his top priority
was to make his mother proud. That dream was ended when she was
killed in front of him on a minor border skirmish with
Thunderclan. He spent a long time blaming himself for her death
"She was too old to be fighting, I should have known." Were the
only words that he could ever say about the entire matter. He
then dedicated his life to being the best medicine cat windclan
has ever seen. Quite a few moons have passed since that vow, He
still strives to be the best. [ Must be over five sentences ]
Role Play sample.
Unrelated to this bio.
Tori sat in a pool of blood from his long hated rival, He gave
the cat a killing bite and spat at him "Serves you right,
mongrel" His meowed was full of hatred. He picked up the body
and dragged it to a tree where he was sure the rats would get
it. 'That's what you get for stabbing me in the back' He though
to himself and turned around, His eyes met a pretty she-cat. His
normally white fur was stained red, Blood dripping into pools at
his feet. His side was torn up from the fight, Just moments ago.
There was no use trying to cover it up, He looked like a
monster, His green eyes were blazing with fury from the previous
fight, Yet he only waved at her "Hello!" He called. [ Must be
over four sentences ]
#Post#: 1614--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Ripeye
Date: November 25, 2012, 5:54 am
---------------------------------------------------------
This is very good! Though check it over again for mistakes
'cause there is quite a few!
#Post#: 1658--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Tiku
Date: November 25, 2012, 10:03 am
---------------------------------------------------------
bump
#Post#: 1659--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Ripeye
Date: November 25, 2012, 10:07 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote ---
> Appearance. Windstorm a silver tabby tom with white paws, a
white muzzle and some white spots. He has a torn right ear and a
scar running across his eye. He is considered to be small for
his age and can be mistaken for an apprentice, with his short
stubby legs. Don't be fooled by his seeming lack of muscle, He
is slender and quick on his paws and even faster with his claws.
The furry [Insert rank here] loves the winter, his thick fur was
made for sleeping under the stars, even on the coldest of
nights.
> [ Must be over four sentences ]
--- End Quote ---
Don't you mean 'Windstorm is a silver tabby'?
#Post#: 1660--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 25, 2012, 10:08 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Plotter, you have to tell them what the mistakes are, but don't
tell them where.
Anyways, hi Tiku!
This bio looks amazing, but first you need to correct some
things:
-- Would you mind going to the HP thread, located here
HTML http://fireflies.createaforum.com/general-discussion/hps-and-their-rpers/?topicseen<br
/>to reserve Medicine Cat or their apprentice, seeing as the
others are taken.
-- I see a few capitalization errors scattered throughout your
bio.
-- You have some choppy sentences.
Please bump once you're done editing! :)
#Post#: 1665--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Ripeye
Date: November 25, 2012, 10:17 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I know.... I'm cr*p at this.... I always sucked at elementry...
thats why you should do it Ev-Ev
#Post#: 1753--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Tiku
Date: November 25, 2012, 12:04 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Bump?
Thats not the first time have been told that, what about them is
choppy? i for the life of me could never figure it out and
everyone just tells me choppy sentences
#Post#: 1763--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 25, 2012, 12:11 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It's kind of like this:
Brambleclaw's fur is very fluffy. Brambleclaw's ears are very
fluffy. His tail is fluffy. He is very, very fluffy.
It's a collection of sentences that doesn't run smoothly.
Don't beat yourself up, plotter.
#Post#: 1767--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: Tiku
Date: November 25, 2012, 12:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
bump
hows it look?
#Post#: 1771--------------------------------------------------
Re: windstorm of windclan
DIR By: EVERLASTiNG
Date: November 25, 2012, 12:27 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
[center][size=8pt]
HTML http://static1.glowtxt.com/data1/3/9/5/3958c58bd56b0aa05335f9f9873c3b46d506bb54da39a3ee5e6b4b0d3255bfef95601890afd80709da39a3ee5e6b4b0d3255bfef95601890afd80709d2971dc135535ace0b0fc37c74248fc5.png
Lovely bio. c:
*****************************************************
Page 1 of 1