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#Post#: 14503--------------------------------------------------
Touchy feely
By: Alharacas Date: April 18, 2019, 4:08 am
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Something Chizuko said on another thread made me wonder: would
you say your culture has changed a little, towards more physical
contact? Over the course of your lifetime? Or since your parents
were young?
#Post#: 14506--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Truman Overby Date: April 18, 2019, 6:02 am
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I don't think it's changed at all here in the U.S. Contrary to
popular belief around the world, we Americans don't wander
around indiscriminately hugging strangers, family, or a person
we've just met.
Handshakes are the order of the day.
#Post#: 14507--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: NealC Date: April 18, 2019, 6:16 am
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I would agree with Jerry that it hasnt changed much, but here in
my 'NY ethnic subculture' we can be far too touchy feely for my
taste.
This is a very cultural thing, I remember talking to an Egyptian
on Italki and he was horrified that I allowed other men to kiss
and hug my wife. Im talking family, friends, so good to see you
kiss on the cheek, just shoulders touching type hugs. He was
serious that in his country such a thing would lead to assault
and battery.
#Post#: 14508--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Nikola Date: April 18, 2019, 6:28 am
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[quote author=Alharacas link=topic=976.msg14503#msg14503
date=1555578528]
Something Chizuko said on another thread made me wonder: would
you say your culture has changed a little, towards more physical
contact? Over the course of your lifetime? Or since your parents
were young?
[/quote]
It might have done but it's really hard to tell. We don't have
one established way of greeting, for instance, so if you meet
with someone, you can get anything from a contactless hi to hugs
and kisses. What people do within families is a bit of a mystery
to me. I think some people hug their family members and always
have, and some never do. We don't hug in my family but I hug all
my friends. Many of them are close to my age though so maybe it
is a generation thing. We socialise with foreigners a lot more
than my parents did and we often do things their way because
we're not fussed. Another thing we don't tend to do is say "I
love you" to family members. It's associated with a romantic
relationship between two people. To others, we say the
equivalent of "I like you" but it has a much stronger meaning
than in English.
#Post#: 14509--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Truman Overby Date: April 18, 2019, 7:05 am
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Neal makes a good point. There are certain ethnic groups who
will hug a stranger if they are introduced by a family member. I
wouldn't say it's all of them, in my experience, but enough for
the stereotype to carry validity. It can be very uncomfortable
to endure.
#Post#: 14513--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Aliph Date: April 18, 2019, 7:36 am
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French people, especially young ones, hug and kiss on the cheek
to greet friends, colleagues and relatives. Twice on each cheek.
It is called “faire la bise”.
Where I live, it’s three times! And even older people do it.
It’s totally cultural.
But we don’t hug our doctor or our hairdresser.
Somebody told me that in Argentina patients hug their
psychoanalyst.
Sometimes I envy the Indians who just greet each other saying
Namaste with no physical contact.
#Post#: 14514--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Truman Overby Date: April 18, 2019, 7:54 am
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[quote author=Sofia link=topic=976.msg14513#msg14513
date=1555590977]
Somebody told me that in Argentina patients hug their
psychoanalyst.
[/quote]
This is surely part of a joke. Can you share the rest of it?
#Post#: 14518--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: NealC Date: April 18, 2019, 10:04 am
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I remember going to Italy as a kid with my parents and meeting
all the relatives. The old Italian ladies would kiss and hug
everyone but I guess I was too short to bend over and kiss. All
of them just grabbed what felt like a handful of my cheek and
pinch/pulled it. I hated it. It got to the point where we
would meet some other group of cousins and I would put my hands
over my cheeks just to keep the women off me.
Of course my mother thought it rude and would take my hands
away. Sigh.
#Post#: 14526--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: Terecia Date: April 18, 2019, 11:40 am
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It's an interesting topic, Alharacas
As you know, Indonesia is the largest archipelago in the
world with over 300 ethnic groups. What I'm going to share is
only one of them. It's a Javanese ethnic. They have a complex
set of etiquette and are rather constrained in expressing their
true feelings. By the way, it's known for its highly refined
social behaviour which sets the social standards here.
Indonesians are well known as the most smiling people in
the world because it's the most common way to initiate contact.
A handshake with the right hand accompanied with a slight
bow of the head is another common way of greeting. When men and
women greet each other, it's preferable for men to wait for the
women to initiate it.
Hug and kisses with the opposite sex in public space are
prohibited. Showing too much affection for a married couple is
also a no-no.
However, hug and kisses on cheeks are welcomed nowadays
among young, educated, and professionals with a global mindset.
I, personally, maintain a wider personal space since I'm
ticklish. My parents hugged me awkwardly in my wedding ceremony.
It was the first time we hugged each other.
#Post#: 14532--------------------------------------------------
Re: Touchy feely
By: MartinSR Date: April 18, 2019, 3:49 pm
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[quote author=Nikola link=topic=976.msg14508#msg14508
date=1555586904]
We don't have one established way of greeting, for instance, so
if you meet with someone, you can get anything from a
contactless hi to hugs and kisses.
[/quote]
I think we are very similar in this to our Czech neighbours.
I'm always a little bit nervous when I'm introduced to new
people. Even in informal situations. I usually say 'Hello' and
sometimes receive more formal greeting instead. Some people
expect 2 or 3 cheek kisses, what I feel more like the thing
reserved to family and very close friends. Hugging always make
me nervous because it wasn't a custom of my family. But on the
other hand I have friends who always hug me while greeting.
Newly introduced people sometimes exchange the hand shakes, but
in some groups only men do this while women are standing a
little bit behind. Anyway I'm not supposed to initiate the
handshake with a woman as it would be considered impolite. But I
often find this situations strange when we are supposed to be a
group of friends / work colleagues or so.
Had anything changed since my young years. In the art of
greeting - not much, as I think. Nowadays we are more opened to
use the 2nd person when talking to people. When I was younger I
wouldn't say 'You' to a person I don't know well or to anyone
much older than me. Now I do it in the internet all the time
(except for formal e-mails) and sometimes decide to do it in
normal life situations... though it's not always appreciated by
the other person.
Today I happened to provide a kind of professional help to the
wife of my friend. We knew each other very well because me, my
friend, his wife and my wife were colleagues when we started our
work over 20 years ago. Since then I have occasionally contacts
with my friend. I decided to speak using 'You' addressing my
friend's wife, but she insisted to call me official way
(including the scientific title which I'm not allowed to use,
but is something used as a sign of esteem). I was surprised but
switched to more formal 'person-less' way of speaking. Maybe it
made me looking more professional to her?
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