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#Post#: 10128--------------------------------------------------
Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our societ
ies?
By: Sudeep Date: December 11, 2018, 4:16 am
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I know I know, most of the people would say it should be a
choice even though it was not like in the past. Once reached a
certain age, you had to get married. But as time passes by, age
was not that important, it shifted from age to our wish. "When I
will achieve something, then I will get married" kind of thought
become more common.
But... if you look at some countries that are conservative like
mine, marriage has not yet achieved the status of "choice" :-\
Once you reached a certain age, your parents get worried, your
relatives start asking you when you are going to walk down the
aisle. Sometimes, it gets annoying >:(
And there is this arrange marriage culture here in India(though
it's kinda changing a bit as now families are not that hard on
accepting the love marriages) where you are going to face many
proposals which would again make you confused. I mean you are
going to choose your life partner. So, it's not "something",
rather it's "someone" you have to choose which is no way easy
unless you know that person for quite a (long) time.
Anyway, what's your opinion on this marriage being a choice? Is
it necessary for one to get married? I have heard people saying
you have to get married or else you would feel lonely and void.
Really???
And most importantly, how does one reach to the point of getting
married in your place? I mean is it like 1- meeting, 2- Dating,
3- Love and in the end, 4- marriage? Or you also have this
arrange marriage concept or something other interesting? ;)
I know I am going to get some really interesting opinion and
information as there are both married and unmarried people here
in the forum :)
#Post#: 10130--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Alharacas Date: December 11, 2018, 6:31 am
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In my country, marriage is definitely a choice. Nobody has to
get married, unless they're from somewhere else and desperate
for a German passport. ;)
That said, it's probably going to take another generation or so,
until the last old biddy is dead who thinks marriage is the
ultimate achievement - for a woman, that is.
And to show you what a recent development our current freedom
is: I just read a long article about German women my age who
were forced to give up their children for adoption when they got
pregnant at a young age, and without being married -
fortunately, that would be unthinkable now.
I think I've probably said this before, but maybe not here: in
my opinion, there's a lot to be said for arranged marriages - if
nobody's forced into them.
Being introduced to people who have the same goals would
definitely reduce the frustration of having a longish
relationship with somebody, before you find out they're simply
not interested in having kids and/or getting married - if that's
what you most want, that is.
And it seems to me that in-laws getting along with each other
would be a great plus, especially if family-ties are important
to you in general.
#Post#: 10131--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Allie Date: December 11, 2018, 6:39 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Well, from what I know, it’s more or less like this:
1 - Meet (on Tinder or any social network/app. Things such as
going out with someone you actually know or have anything in
common is soooo last century)
2- Dating
2.a - Realise the person is a creep. Back to 1
2.b - Go out for a couple of times
We don’t really have this dating thing
You just don’t go to the cinema with someone… and watch a film
(who does that?). So if you’re going out with the person, you’re
interested in the person.
In this case…
3 - Namoro (this is sometimes translated as “dating”, but it’s
when you’re in a relationship, usually exclusive)
3.a - You’re utterly shocked after receiving a Valentine’s day
gift and tell you had no idea you were exclusive. Back to 1
3.b - **** happens and you break up. Back to 1
3.c - You spend some time together and start making plans
3.d - One of you (or both of you) are approaching 35 and most of
your friends are married or getting married
4 - Marriage
#Post#: 10133--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: NealC Date: December 11, 2018, 6:41 am
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Elf you should make one of those flow/decision charts
#Post#: 10134--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Allie Date: December 11, 2018, 6:51 am
---------------------------------------------------------
@Neal
If I have some time, I may
It'd allow me to include the parts I skipped, such as the
proposal (you choke and say that it's just a fling and you're
actually dating the person's best friend) or the engagement
(when you wind up the person for some years)
#Post#: 10138--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Alharacas Date: December 11, 2018, 10:09 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Ah, sorry, Sudeep, here goes:
1 - You meet somebody, either through work or mutual
friends/acquaintances (or via a dating site/app).
2a - You have sex, then find out the other person is in a
relationship. Back to 1.
2b - You have sex, then tactfully try to find out whether
there's any common ground.
3 - You spend time together, weekends, evenings, nights. After a
while either one of you starts to cool off and says "I'm sorry,
I just need a little more time/space".
Back to 1.
4 - You start discussing moving in together. Which is when you
find out that at least 1 room of your future apartment needs to
be dedicated to the other person's extensive collection of
porn/model railways/shoes/children from a previous relationship.
Back to 1.
5 - You actually move into an apartment together and may or may
not have children.
6 - You realize that at least one of you would be a lot better
off financially if you actually got married (lots of advantages
tax-wise). Which is when one of you finds out that the other's
idea of marriage includes church, a designer-meringue and a huge
party, to which all of your least favourite uncles and cousins
are going to have to be invited. Plus the sort of
holiday/honeymoon you most detest: being scorched on a beach
with nothing to do. You've been together for about 12 years by
now, there's nothng left to talk about, for ****'s sake! Back to
1.
And no, I haven't left out anything between 1 and 2. Dating is
for people in/from the US. Falling/Being in love is optional
from 1 through 5, but is usually not part of 6 (anymore).
#Post#: 10139--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Sudeep Date: December 11, 2018, 10:22 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Elf and Susanne, you both are brilliant. ;) You summed it up
quite well. I never thought the flow diagram would be that
difficult but hats off to you guys 8)
Instead of going through all those steps, I think it is better
to stay a quirkyalone ;D
#Post#: 10141--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: SHL Date: December 11, 2018, 11:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Alharacas link=topic=684.msg10130#msg10130
date=1544531473]
In my country, marriage is definitely a choice. Nobody has to
get married, unless they're from somewhere else and desperate
for a German passport. ;)
That said, it's probably going to take another generation or so,
until the last old biddy is dead who thinks marriage is the
ultimate achievement - for a woman, that is.
And to show you what a recent development our current freedom
is: I just read a long article about German women my age who
were forced to give up their children for adoption when they got
pregnant at a young age, and without being married -
fortunately, that would be unthinkable now.
I think I've probably said this before, but maybe not here: in
my opinion, there's a lot to be said for arranged marriages - if
nobody's forced into them.
Being introduced to people who have the same goals would
definitely reduce the frustration of having a longish
relationship with somebody, before you find out they're simply
not interested in having kids and/or getting married - if that's
what you most want, that is.
And it seems to me that in-laws getting along with each other
would be a great plus, especially if family-ties are important
to you in general.
[/quote]
Alharacas,
„Nobody has to get married, unless they`re from somewhere else
and desperate for a German passport......“
Now, that`s an idea :)
Actually, my friend`s legal secretary rather likes me, which
I`ve long noticed. She`s about 65 or maybe 70, and she`s always
excited when I visit and asks me out for coffee. And, she showed
me the inside of her new apartment once. She`s from the old
DDR. I asked her about growing up there, and she said „Oh, it
wasn`t so bad. We had to go to our Jungpioniere (young pioneers)
meetings after school, but it was fine. It`s always easy to find
my friend`s law office where she works, because you just make a
left on Ernst Thälmann-Straße from the mail entrance to the town
to get to it (Ernst Thälmann was the guy die Pioneirorganisation
in the DDR was named after).
And she always asks my friend Uli, „When is Steve coming back?“
She has a couple sons she never sees and her husband died awhile
back. A really nice lady.
#Post#: 10144--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: NealC Date: December 11, 2018, 11:48 am
---------------------------------------------------------
If she thought East Germany wasn't too bad I am sure she could
put up with you for a few years.
#Post#: 10150--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage--Should it be a choice or a milestone set by our so
cieties?
By: Nikola Date: December 11, 2018, 4:24 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Awww, SHL, you should have said! What was all the dating site
talk about? She sounds like she likes you.
Yeah, in the Czech Republic, no one expects anything of you
whatsoever. That doesn't mean your parents won't get slightly
nervous if you move back in with them at the age of 33, showing
no intention to settle down. Not talking about anyone specific.
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