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#Post#: 19260--------------------------------------------------
Meet your new friends
By: Nikola Date: August 24, 2019, 12:01 pm
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Ever since I wrote a post about friends with surprising
political beliefs, I've been wondering what kind of person
people would be happy to befriend, provided they came across as
nice, intelligent, funny or anything else that you find
desirable in others.
I'd be interested to know how likely you'd be to become friends
with the following people:
1. a far-right supporter
2. a far-left supporter
3. a devout Christian who believes gay people are sick
4. someone who bullies others emotionally but likes you
5. a high-maintenance person who seeks attention and asks for
help a lot
6. an exceptionally intelligent person who appears a bit
arrogant
7. someone who is in your country illegally
8. someone who really hurt you or let you down in the past
Can you write a list in order of probability (from most likely
to least likely to become your friend)? You can draw a
deal-breaker line to separate those who are a complete no-go.
#Post#: 19264--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: NealC Date: August 24, 2019, 2:18 pm
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I thought I met all of them here already? :-)
#Post#: 19265--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Nikola Date: August 24, 2019, 2:24 pm
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Just out of interest, Neal, who was the No. 7 you met here?
#Post#: 19271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: NealC Date: August 24, 2019, 9:22 pm
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Me.
Some of my ancestors came here without permission from the King
of England, let alone the natives. :-)
#Post#: 19273--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Susan Date: August 24, 2019, 11:08 pm
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I have clients whom I like who fit in categories 1 through 6. I
think I have had casual friendships through work or church with
some people of all those first six categories too. Really the
only type of person I can not enjoy being around is number
eight-- someone who really hurt me. But I would avoid close
friendships with numbers four, five and eight as well. My
reservation about number seven, someone illegally in my country,
is that I am very law-abiding and would not want to help them
in ways I fear could cause me problems. I think people come
here illegally out of desperation. I do not see them as bad
people but I would be concerned about what I might get pulled
into in terms of the kinds of favors that friends often want to
exchange.
#Post#: 19278--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Nikola Date: August 25, 2019, 11:17 am
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[quote author=Susan link=topic=1345.msg19273#msg19273
date=1566706110]
I have clients whom I like who fit in categories 1 through 6. I
think I have had casual friendships through work or church with
some people of all those first six categories too. Really the
only type of person I can not enjoy being around is number
eight-- someone who really hurt me. But I would avoid close
friendships with numbers four, five and eight as well. My
reservation about number seven, someone illegally in my country,
is that I am very law-abiding and would not want to help them
in ways I fear could cause me problems. I think people come
here illegally out of desperation. I do not see them as bad
people but I would be concerned about what I might get pulled
into in terms of the kinds of favors that friends often want to
exchange.
[/quote]
Regarding number seven, I wasn't sure whether to put them on the
list or not but then I found this thread on Quora:
HTML https://www.quora.com/I-just-found-out-that-that-friend-was-an-illegal-immigrant-What-should-I-do<br
/>and decided that if even people who work(ed) in immigration sa
y
it's not necessarily a problem (does Quora verify users'
identity? I'm not sure), that makes it more of a moral dilemma
in my eyes. I understand, though, that being their friend could
make you want to help them and that could then lead to trouble
with the law. I have a friend who became illegal so that was a
no-brainer, we'd already been friends then.
#Post#: 19280--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Allie Date: August 25, 2019, 12:01 pm
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From all, I think number 4 is the one I’d have most problem
with.
Different beliefs and creeds are normal (though I’d like to
notice the gay thing is definitely not exclusive to Christians).
5 can be hard too, but manageable. Same for 8, if we consider a
honest mistake. If you’re referring to a back stabbing arsehole,
then I’d have no business whatsoever with the scoundrel.
As for 7, that’s pretty tricky. I totally agree with Susan and I
am by no means promoting illegal immigration, but sometimes it’s
not that black and white.
I will give you two examples:
1 - Woman enters the country on a temporary visa (such as
tourist or student) and gets pregnant. The visa expires before
the birth. She notifies immigration but she can’t get a visa as
she’s not married to a national, she can’t apply for a legal
partnership (due to time requirements), she is no longer a
student and as the child is not born yet, she has no relation to
a national. She could try leaving and getting a tourist visa,
but this can be risky due to the situation. So she may stay in
the country without a visa (illegally) until she’s eligible to
change her visa status.
2 - Person’s partner is offered a job in a foreign country and
he or she enters the country on a tourist visa to get married
and establish themselves as a family. The tourist visa lasts 3
months but the notice period plus us interview plus cerimony is
longer than that. The person can stay in the country but only
change the visa status after they are married. Again you could
try and leave the country to renew the tourist visa but this can
be tricky.
So it may be the case you already have a friend illegally in the
country and you didn’t even know. And maybe immigration is even
aware of the case but legislation doesn’t cover their particular
situation.
Sometimes cases are not as straightforward, of course. I won’t
deny that there are people that enter a country for whatever
reason and simply decide to stay. They may even find some kind
of illegal employment or end up marrying someone or even having
a child just for the sake of getting a visa.
Having a visa doesn’t mean abiding by the laws either. People
can enter a country legally but engage in illegal activities
during their stay, such as selling drugs or prostitution.
#Post#: 19282--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Nikola Date: August 25, 2019, 2:40 pm
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[quote author=Human Being link=topic=1345.msg19280#msg19280
date=1566752517]
Different beliefs and creeds are normal (though I’d like to
notice the gay thing is definitely not exclusive to Christians).
[/quote]
True. I liked the combination of faith and belief regarding gay
people because we have several Christians on the board. It would
be interesting to know to what extent they're happy to tolerate
this in their fellow believers.
I agree that issues around immigration aren't usually black and
white (no pun intended). Of all the "items" on the list, I think
I actually mind this one the least but I can imagine that some
people could have a problem with it and might not even care
about the circumstances, not necessarily on this board but I've
met such people in real life. They're like "not interested,
you're not meant to be here".
So if we assume, for the sake of discussion, that these people
are absolutely amazing otherwise, for me it would probably be:
7. someone who is in your country illegally
6. an exceptionally intelligent person who appears a bit
arrogant
2. a far-left supporter (some of them I can't stand but this one
is a nice one as we decided)
5. a high-maintenance person who seeks attention and asks for
help a lot (provided I don't live with them)
1. a far-right supporter (and we might not discuss politics,
ever)
I would have a real problem with (and so far have never been
able to maintain a friendship with):
3. a devout Christian who believes gay people are sick
8. someone who really hurt you or let you down in the past
This one is a no-go:
4. someone who bullies others emotionally but likes you
#Post#: 19284--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Chizuko hanji Date: August 27, 2019, 4:12 am
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I can't become friends with #4.
I would concern about #7. If my friend was an illegal immigrant,
it would be very hard. Because they are same human beings as me
as long as they have warm hearts to love children. How could I
refuse them because of entering my country illegally when they
were in troubles to feed their children in their countries? It
would be very difficult to judge them. I haven't had
experiences. But it's very true that many illegal immigrants
commit crimes in Japan too. There are some big criminal gouges
to scam us.
#1, 2 and 3 are not big deal for me. I sometime wonder why the
people try to beat and force them to stand on their sides. If
all the people and things have same minds, the world could never
develop. We always learn from the differences.
The # 6 person makes me laugh. I enjoy observing how he is
silly. It looks like a comedy for me.
Regarding #8 person, how I feel about him depends on my current
mental situations. When I was in a good mood and everything
about me was fine, I never recall the past and I could forgive
him. But when I was stressed out and I tried to find someone for
the sake of blaming to excuse and make up for my bad
circumstance, I would recall the person who hurt me.
In general, you can bring bad memories when you are upset about
your life, "It wasn't supposed to be. It was his fault." or "
What if I wouldn't have done that, but it because he did it to
me" Then your anxiety never disappear and you can't become his
friend. It always depends on your mood.
I don't get the meaning of #5. A high-maintenance person? Does
he always need my help a lot? Are you talking about my husband?
:D
#Post#: 19287--------------------------------------------------
Re: Meet your new friends
By: Nikola Date: August 27, 2019, 1:22 pm
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Oh no, a high-maintenance husband? How do you cope, Chizuko? :D
Yes, a high-maintenance person is someone whose needs have to be
met no matter what, because their needs are somewhat more
important than other people's, satisfying them requires your
attention, effort, time and sometimes other things as well and
it's all very urgent, it can't wait.
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