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#Post#: 17222--------------------------------------------------
Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: Aliph Date: June 28, 2019, 1:15 am
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Tomorrow I am invited to a marriage, church, registry office,
dinner party. The married to be are young successful
professionals in their mid-thirties. I had two big concerns: the
dress and the gift. The problem with the dress has been sold, 35
degrees Celsius only allow a a very light summer dress, nothing
fancy. I hope I will be able to put my feet in closed shoes.
For the gift we give money in an envelope to help to finance
their honeymoon trip to a distant country.
Usually there is a gift box at the restaurant where the party
takes place.
What do you give as a gift in your country in such cases?
#Post#: 17235--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: Alharacas Date: June 28, 2019, 5:20 am
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German shops do wedding lists, just the way they do in England.
Which doesn't make an awful lot of sense, as people usually have
a full set of household necessaries - actually, two sets, more
often than not - by the time they get married.
One couple I used to (slightly) know sent a wish list with the
invitation. That one took my breath away, it was so
presumptuous! I considered giving them an egg-cup (just to make
a point), but in the end, I simply declined the invitation and
therefore felt justified in not spending thousands of
Deutschmarks on the celebration of a marriage I strongly
suspected wouldn't last. (It didn't.)
I know it's quite different in most other countries, but I was
taught that giving money was somehow "bad form", whatever the
occasion - considered too impersonal, I think. Here, you're
supposed to put thought and consideration into a gift, at least
in principle.
It's a bit different if you're very close, of course - a father
might give a cheque to his daughter, or an aunt to her niece,
but for a friend or an acquaintance, that would be plain weird.
That's why I once gave a gold coin as a wedding gift to a young
couple. I felt that was a pretty neat compromise between the
no-no of simply giving money, and an expensive gift they might
not have wanted or needed. Perhaps I should add I was really
touched to have been invited at all - while the mother of the
groom was a very close friend of mine, my connection to the
groom himself was rather tenuous (which might lead to the next
topic about cultural differences: wedding guest lists ;) ).
#Post#: 17242--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: NealC Date: June 28, 2019, 5:55 am
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Weddings in New York City and Long Island can be very expensive
affairs. We have catering halls here that specialize in
weddings where the bride's father can easily spend 200, 300, 400
per guest, with 200 guests being a regular affair. $40000 to
$80000 - it is an insane custom.
Couples usually register a gift list at local stores or online,
but money is always acceptable. Italian and Jewish weddings
have the "Bridal Purse", cash money is the expected gift. You
can see the custom in the movies "Goodfellas" and "The
Godfather" .
With people in their thirties or second marriages things tend to
be more informal and the gifts smaller - most older couples
already have what they need.
#Post#: 17251--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: MartinSR Date: June 28, 2019, 10:08 am
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I think it depends on the family customs here. All the weddings
I saw (including my own), most of people give money - at least
the sum that covers their participation costs. And many people
give a small gift AND the money. When you know the young couple
well you may ask them if they really need something. Some people
decide to buy a gift of their own choice, but it usually doesn't
work well. Most of young couples have rather small flats and
another set of dishes, another microwave oven, or training bike
- is rather a reason for the first marriage quarrel.
#Post#: 17254--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: Nikola Date: June 28, 2019, 11:05 am
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I've seen people in my country give money as a gift. I
personally wouldn't do it, unless I knew the couple were
struggling financially. The weddings I attended recently did not
fall into that category so I gave them something perhaps a bit
modest but personal. My friend loves M&M's and she was getting
married to a German so I went to the M&M's World Store in London
(I lived there at the time - in London, not in the store). You
can fill up a bag there with any colour you want so I made
layers that looked like the German flag and for the Czech flag,
which is more problematic because of that silly blue triangle, I
found a mixture of blues, whites and reds so it just looked like
a pile of Czech flags. And I got them an M&M babygrow because a
baby was on the way.
#Post#: 17255--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: Aliph Date: June 28, 2019, 11:10 am
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Mariage lists with expensive ugly and pompous items aren't used
anymore. Small immaterial gifts like a night in a nice hotel or
a voucher for a spa or fancy restaurant are appreciated gifts. I
do not know the groom so I do not know his tastes. So I resigned
myself to put some money in an envelope. As for the amount,
friends told me that one had to put the amount of money the
bride and groom are spending for inviting me.
#Post#: 17270--------------------------------------------------
Re: Marriage gifts, any cultural differences?
By: Alharacas Date: June 28, 2019, 4:13 pm
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Yes, well, I can see how those two things would go hand in hand,
Neal: if you're spending insane amounts of money on inviting
hundreds of people, it makes sense that you'd try to recover
some of it via those envelopes, I suppose.
Here, I think it would probably create Böses Blut, ill feelings,
lots of them, if you invited hundreds of guests to a wedding.
People would be wondering how come you had that much money to
burn, and why you needed to show off so badly.
My mother feels her 2nd wedding was quite a big event, with
about 40 guests.
It probably all comes down to Germans not being big on
hospitality, full stop. ;)
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