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#Post#: 15126--------------------------------------------------
Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Truman Overby Date: May 6, 2019, 8:21 am
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As they age, many people engage in regret that life didn't work
out the way they wished it had. Or in the way they supposed that
it should have worked out. You'll hear moaning about being born
in the wrong country or the wrong century or to the wrong
parents or making a poor choice in a life partner.
Have you engaged in this sort of pointless exercise? I see it as
a form of narcissism with the constant focus on self. Gratitude
for life itself and all of its experiences, both good and bad,
and the remembrance of all of the good people we've met and the
good they brought into our lives, is mentally healthier, in my
opinion.
#Post#: 15127--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: SHL Date: May 6, 2019, 11:05 am
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[quote author=Keep America Great!
link=topic=1026.msg15126#msg15126 date=1557148884]
As they age, many people engage in regret that life didn't work
out the way they wished it had. Or in the way they supposed that
it should have worked out. You'll hear moaning about being born
in the wrong country or the wrong century or to the wrong
parents or making a poor choice in a life partner.
Have you engaged in this sort of pointless exercise? I see it as
a form of narcissism with the constant focus on self. Gratitude
for life itself and all of its experiences, both good and bad,
and the remembrance of all of the good people we've met and the
good they brought into our lives, is mentally healthier, in my
opinion.
[/quote]
Yes, I do this all the time. There is no doubt in my mind, as I
said yesterday, that my life would have been 1000% better if I
had been born in Europe. Absolutely. I mentioned this yesterday,
and I didn‘t specifically mention Germany, but you all know what
I meant by the comment.
I don‘t consider this a form of narcissism. It‘s the polar
opposite. It’s a rejection of the politics, place and people you
are trapped into living alongside.
I believe that some people are just often born in the wrong
place in the world. It‘s just the wrong culture/language for
them, and they have no control over it, and have a very
difficult time changing it. And it’s not an easy fix. They are
not to blame for it, but they are just stuck with it. It‘s sad
actually. It‘s a human tragedy.
Good question Jerry.
But, in all honesty, I have to admit sometimes this works the
opposite. I had a client once who was from Berlin, born and
raised, but in the mid-80s came to California as an au pair. I
suppose she wound up liking it here and married an American,
then divorced him and married some other local guy. Then she
divorced him, which is where I came in representing her. I
always used to think of her as „crazy Helga“ because she was a
little odd, but she ended up living up in the hills around town
in a trailer with donkeys, goats, dogs and cats, a horse, just
about every animal you can imagine. She was a quasi-social
worker (a wanna-be psychologist of sorts) by profession. And
studied in the field.
She actually took on US citizenship and had to give up her
German citizenship to do so (I don‘t know if this is really
necessary, but she told me she had to). And she‘s happy as can
be just living here. So, go figure.
People are all different, so I suppose that‘s just the answer.
#Post#: 15131--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Alharacas Date: May 7, 2019, 2:56 am
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I agree, it is an interesting question, Jerry. And up to a
point, I also agree with you on what you say about being
grateful for what you do have.
Still, apparently, it's a very common phenomenon to feel
"useless" regrets. I've met people who'd worked in hospices (for
the terminally ill). And they told me that when the end is near,
many, if not most people are full of "if only".
And okay, sometimes that's indicative of rather warped
priorities ("If only I'd spent some of my money instead of
saving every penny for a future which is now never going to
happen", "If only I'd spent more time with my family instead of
always putting work first", "If only I'd left the person who
made my life miserable"). But occasionally, you just can't help
wishing for a different sort of life, even though the one you've
got isn't that bad. ;)
#Post#: 15143--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Chizuko hanji Date: May 7, 2019, 6:50 am
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Yeah, I used to regret what I chose and done. But I realized
that I would do the same, even if I remade my life. So
regretting is useless.
#Post#: 15159--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Chizuko hanji Date: May 7, 2019, 9:37 am
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Alharacas's comment makes me imagine why people say, "If only"
at the end of their lives. Yes, it's a regret, and also it's a
wish. It might mean that I wanted to do it, but I couldn't, but
if God gave another life to me again, I will do it. If you look
at it " as a form of narcissism with a constant focus on the
self", it sounds harsh a little.
Hemingway says "Human is not supposed to defeat." I like the
phrase.
If you call it is a regret, you are a loser. But if you call it
a wish you couldn't accomplish, you can challenge it if you are
alive.
When you feel stress, do you often recall the past?
I do and blame myself, others, and everything. I can't help
regretting what I've done.
When I recall the bad past, I'll do something that makes me
busy. Playing sports, crazy shopping, watching detective TV
shows, Konmari cleaning. They make me forget the past.
#Post#: 15180--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Aliph Date: May 7, 2019, 4:01 pm
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There is a wonderful French song that says « I don’t regret
anything «
Here the lyrics:
No, nothing of nothing
No! I don't feel sorry about anything
Not the good things people have done to me
Not the bad things, it's all the same to me.
No, nothing of nothing
No! I don't feel sorry about anything
It's paid for, removed, forgotten,
I'm happy of the past
With my memories
I lit up the fire
My troubles, my pleasures
I don't need them anymore
Broomed away my love stories
And all their tremble
Broomed away for always
I start again from zero
Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Ni le mal, tout ça m'est bien égal !
Non ! Je ne regrette rien
Because my life, my joys
Today, they begin with you.
#Post#: 15181--------------------------------------------------
Re: Acceptance versus Worthless Regret
By: Aliph Date: May 7, 2019, 4:04 pm
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And Edith Piaf singing the song:
HTML https://youtu.be/Gsz7IuZ3paM
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