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#Post#: 553--------------------------------------------------
Draft 2
By: Laisures Date: March 31, 2014, 11:05 am
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A True Friendship by Sara Laisure
What is a friendship to you? Most people think of a typical
sister like friendship, one where the two friends have known
each other for a long time. One where they are together every
waking moment. One where they never fight and everything is
always perfect. Well, I am here to tell you that that is not all
there is to a friendship. Specifically mine for example. I have
been friends with my BFF for nearly 20 years now (we both turn
twenty this April). We have grown up together, although, we have
not been together every waking moment, nor has everything been
perfect between us. One thing is for sure, we are friends today.
My best friend’s name is Erica. We were born 15 days apart and
lived two houses down from each other. Because we were so close
in age, our parents loved making us go on play dates
together…from the very beginning. You would think that since we
had been playing together since we were nearly a month old, that
we would get along and love each other. Ehhh, not so much. When
we were old enough to communicate with one another, we did not
get along. Erica did not want to be my friend, and I don’t blame
her now that I look back. According to Erica, I was a mean
little girl that always thought I was better.
Often for Christmas, our parents would give us the exact same
toys but in different colors. One year we both received the new
tumble baby. We both had been obsessing over it for a while. We
thought it was so amazing how we sat the small, squishy doll on
the ground and it would roll right over. Mine was a light
purple, hers was light pink. When we first showed each other our
dolls, I immediately thought mine was better and made sure to
let her know. Who would want to be friends with someone like me?
I truly do not blame her. Although, I did not act like it, I
definitely wanted to be her friend. I thought she was so
amazing. She always had the coolest things (even though they
were often the same), and whenever I went to her house, her mom
gave me a red popsicle…the good brand too! What could be better
than that?
***Preschool and Kindergarten ***
Even though I was rude to Erica, she was sure to dish it back.
By the time preschool came around, our parents were still making
us hang out. So they decided to send us to the same preschool.
My mom says, “No! It was mainly because I had to work and
Erica’s mom could drive you to school.” But I know the truth;
they just wanted us to be friends.
Our classroom was unbelievable. There were drawings the students
had colored, all around the classroom. There was a spot where
the blue magic carpet layed and we all gathered. In the corner
we big colorful, bean bags that we would jump into. The best
part though, was the tall, white lofts with white stairs
climbing up to it. In the loft was a plastic, white coloring
table and some new toys for us to play with. It was like a
secret getaway.
One day, Erica was up in the loft coloring with some friends.
I came up and she said to me, “Hey, we are coloring on the
table! Come color!” I quickly joined in and started coloring on
the table that already had tons of colorful crayon marks on it.
Although as soon as I started coloring, she went right down the
stairs told the teacher and got me in deep trouble. This may be
a strange thing to remember, but when I look back at our
preschool video that had pictures of everyone on it, I cannot
find myself. While they were recording everyone, I was in the
loft cleaning the crayon off the table. This is something I
still hold over her to this day…although I really do not care at
this point.
Erica and I were very competitive. Who was right was always the
start of our fights. We would argue about anything from the
color of the stop lights (I said the middle one was orange, she
said yellow) to the color of the school busses (I was wrong
again. I said orange, she said yellow). We were always in a
competition against one another to see who was right.
***The Elementary Days***
Somehow we made it through preschool and kindergarten together,
but by the time first grade came around, our parents had us at
two different schools. During the school year, we only talked
and hung out during Christmas break. We were still kind of
forced to hang out. Since we lived right down the road from one
another, it was easy for our parents to drop us off or pick us
up. It became a tradition that during every Christmas break,
Erica, my mom and I would bake Christmas cookies. It would
always be sugar cookies. My mom would make up the think balls of
cookie dough. Then we would roll out the cough and cut out
shapes, while nibbling on the delicious and tasty cookie dough.
We would cut out all kinds of Christmas shapes including
Christmas trees, Santa hats, stockings, stars and bells. While
the cookies were baking Erica, My mom and I would watch a
Christmas movie or dance around to Christmas jingles. We were
sure to stay busy. As soon as the cookies were out Erica and I
would stand over the counter waiting for my mom to give us the
go ahead to decorate the cookies. We would use vibrant colors of
frosting and decorate each cookie different from another. Even
to this day, we still try to bake
some cookies during winter break.
***Middle School***
Throughout elementary school it was still a love hate
relationship. I was mean and she was mean back. I wanted to be
her friend, she did not want to be mine. In middle school
though, everything changed. Her father was a builder. Due to the
recession, no one was building and his company closed up. He had
applied to several job offers, but the one that hired him was in
Colorado. My best friend, who I did not know was my best friend,
was about to move to Colorado. The day before she was supposed
to move, I was over at her house helping pack things up. I
remember thinking about how much I would miss her. I ran home
and hid in my closet crying. My mother eventually found me a
short while later.
She told me in her soft caring voice, “Everything will be okay.
You should spend your last few minutes with her and have fun
together.”
I walked back to Erica’s house and sat on her front step, while
Erica played inside. Her mom walked out onto the step and sat
next to me. She put her gentle arm around my body and held me
tight. Tears began to pour poured down my face again. I rushed
back home. I knew I could not let Erica see me crying. A little
while later, Erica showed up at my house, I think because her
mom told her too. We played some games. I acted like nothing was
wrong. Around dinner time, my house phone rang. It was Erica’s
mom calling.
She said in a lively voice, “You need to come home for a little
bit, but you can go back to Sara’s later tonight.”
Later that night, when Erica returned, she walked through the
door with a big grin upon her small face.
“I’m not moving” she shouted, “My daddy got a job here”.
Erica was here to stay. No need to stress. Although she did move
to another neighborhood about five minutes away, I knew that was
way better than all the way to Colorado. Her almost move to
Colorado, surely made us closer. That was when we realized we
were best friends.
Throughout the rest of middle school, we did not hang out often
during the school year. It was too difficult for us to get to
each other’s house since we were no longer walking distance from
one another. Although, we surely talked on the phone a lot! We
both had received our first cell phones in 8th grade (we had the
same phone. No surprise there!). We talked every night. Often we
caught each other up on the latest drama happening at our
schools. When we ran out of drama to talk about, we would create
list of things that we wanted to do next time we saw each other
or even what we would do that summer. We also tried to see each
other during the weekends, although it rarely happened.
***Ninth Grade: The Best Summer Ever***
When the summer going into 9th grade finally arrived, we were
inseparable. We spent every moment together. We ended up getting
the nickname “Sarica” from our other friends. Between having
lemonade stands, raising money for Relay for Life, swinging on
my rope swing and getting pulled on the three wheeler, our
summers were perfect for the most part.
There was one incident where I freaked out a bit on Erica. It
was a windy day and we were at the beach. We were playing in the
warm blue bay with my Big Boy beach ball I had won (not too sure
where, but I had won it somehow). The wind suddenly picked
right up as Erica threw the ball to me. It went far over my head
and landed out in the deep water. I tried to swim out and get
it, but it was too far. I charged up to her with an angry face.
Words vomited out of my mouth, yelling hatred towards her. She
felt bad and I could tell. We sat on the beach the rest of the
day and barely talked. Eventually I got over it, and it was like
nothing happened.
That summer before ninth grade was by far the best summer I have
ever had. We were so close that summer. When ninth grade came
around, not much changed. We made an effort to see each other
more often. We saw each other nearly every weekend that we
weren’t busy. We were definitely typical freshmen best friends.
We tried so many things that year and the summer following. We
snuck out often (even if it was just to go down the road) and we
even tried to get high off of nutmeg! Yeah, we were weird, but
that’s not the only weird thing we did. When the snow was knee
deep, we would trudge out through my back yard, far back into
the thick woods. Then we would pee in the snow. But that is not
the entire story. We often tried to write our names in the snow.
Why we did this, I still do not know. But together, we did this
judging each other on who could write their name the best. We
were defiantly something else!
Since we were hanging out so often during the school year now,
we wanted to go to the same school. We thought it would be
easier to see each other and we would become even closer. We
often begged our parents and made power points that included
reasons why we should go to the same school. Well, we did not
get very far with that.
***The Tenth Grade Tragedy***
In 10th grade, Erica went through a major tragedy in her life. I
was at a volleyball tournament four hours away from home, when I
received a voice message from Erica. I could not understand it.
She was crying. I immediately called her back. She was still
crying. I could barely understand her. I could not stand that
she was crying. It hurt me inside and I started crying.
Eventually, I heard something that I never wanted to hear.
She whimpered through the phone, “My parents are getting
divorced”.
Her parents were separating. She was heartbroken. I was
heartbroken. I couldn’t believe what she was telling me. A
divorce, after all these years? I spent the rest of the day
talking to her and my mom on the phone. It was by far, one of
the saddest days that I have experienced and also one of the
saddest for her as well.
Together we got through the tragedy. I tried to help comfort her
as much as possible. I wanted her to know I was there for her.
We grew even closer. We actually went on spring break that year
to Florida together…that’s a story for another time.
With all the changes going on with her family, a positive thing
did come out of it all. Her parents decided to let Erica come to
my high school. We were ecstatic! We were finally going to be
able to see one another every single day. This ended up not
working out so well. This was the beginning of a downfall to our
relationship. We did not talk to each other every day. We had
different groups of friends at school and even on the weekends
we did not hang out. She was with her friends and I was with
mine.
A typical conversation in the hallway at school went a bit like
this,
“Hey! How’s it going? You enjoying Central (Our high school)?”
“Yeah! It sweet. I have met so many people.”
That’s awesome! Well I got to get to class. See ya later!”
So not the best conversation, but when I had a problem, she was
still there for me. And when she had a problem, I was there for
her. Even though we were not together often, we knew we always
had each other’s backs.
***The Low Part of Our Friendship ***
Half way through 11th grade, things got worse. Erica was moving
in with her new boyfriend and his family. He was not what I
would call a good guy for her, but I was supportive. She also
moved to another high school. I did not hear much at all from
her for long periods of time. I often listened for rumors and
then asked her if they were true or not. I always believed her
word. When her boyfriend and her got in fights, she would call
me. I would always be there for her. I still cared deeply about
her, even though I had not seen her in a while. I just wanted
her to be safe and happy.
Nearly a year and a half later, she broke up with him and moved
back in with her mom. They were not getting along. They often
fought, but Erica just was not use to being under someone’s
control. She was used to being on her own. Even though her mom
and her fought often, her mom and I were thankful to see her out
of her ex-boyfriend’s house.
By this time I was starting college, but stayed in my home town.
Erica was taking some time off from school. She did not know
what she wanted to do yet. We saw each other occasionally. With
me going to school and working, I rarely had any free time. I
felt bad not seeing her often, but I was growing up (isn’t that
the excuse all adults make. “I just don’t have time”).
***The Realization***
The summer after my first year, I put an effort in to see her
more. I knew I would not have her forever, as I was leaving for
Michigan State in the fall. I was so right there. She told me
she was moving to Portland, Oregon in the fall to go to school.
As she told me this, my heart sank. I worried what would happen.
That summer, I spent more time with Erica than I had the past
two years combined. That summer reassured that everything would
be okay. We spent hours at the beach and on the boat. We visited
each other before, after and during work. It was one amazing
summer.
All the ups and downs that we had been through together, had
prepared us for ‘the moment’. I was moving to East Lansing, MI
and she was moving to Portland Oregon. A mere 34 hours and 22
minute drive away. If we needed each other, we could no longer
hop in our car and go visit one another. Although, we hadn’t
really done much of that since ninth grade. We were used to
communicating only by telephone. It was like we were trained for
this. We knew what it was like to always be together, but we
also had already experienced being separated. This was the
ultimate test for us. I moved to East Lansing on August 21st,
2013. She moved to Oregon 1 week later. I was not there to say
goodbye the day she flew out, but she knew I was thinking about
her.
Now seven months later, I still call her my best friend. When
we talk, we have so much to talk about. There is never a dull
moment during our conversations. Friendship is not about
spending every waking moment together. It is not just talking to
each other. It is more. It is about being able to not see each
other for months or even years. It is to be able to not speak
with each other for a few weeks or months or even when you are
together, to have silence between the two without any
awkwardness. Although, when you do talk or see each other, it is
like you never stopped. The quote, “distance makes the heart
grow stronger” is true if your friendship is true. If the
friendship is no good, then the relationship will crumble. I
know my relationship is good. I have a forever friend no matter
where we are in the world.
#Post#: 561--------------------------------------------------
Re: Draft 2
By: Grace Rozanski Date: April 1, 2014, 4:47 pm
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Great job on your second draft!
-"Because we were so close in age, our parents loved making us
go on play dates together....from the very beginning." I am not
sure that all of the dots near the end are necessary
-You say you didn't act like you wanted to be her friend,
explain more how. Is it just thinking your things were better?
-I like that you split things up into sections and I liked that
they are cleverly titled
-You switch tense at the beginning of the "Preschool and
Kindergarten" section.
-When talking about the white loft, you use the word "white"
quite a bit, so maybe mix it up a little or make it more
descriptive. (ex: compare it to a cloud)
-You say that you still hold the crayon incident over her, but
then right after you say you don't care anymore. Just a little
confusing!
-Your story has a great moral and message!
-In "The Realization" you say "I was so right there." I would
think about rephrasing that, it sounds kind of thrown in.
-Take a look at your final paragraph. There are some run-on
sentences and some that could just be improved.
Overall you did a great job and I love your memoir!
#Post#: 562--------------------------------------------------
Re: Draft 2
By: nuderabr Date: April 1, 2014, 8:45 pm
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Nice job on the second draft!
The very first paragraph is a bit confusing. You say that
friendship is like having a sister. I don't think this is a good
comparison because not everyone knows what its like to have a
sister and not everyone would compare their closest friendships
to the bond that sisters share. I would consider changing this
to make it less confusing. Your paper is about friendship not
sisterhood.
I liked the formatting that you added with the break down of
chapters in your friendship, however the transitions between
those are a bit rough. Try to elaborate a little and make one
flow into the other.
You tend to use the same word twice in a short amount of time.
For example, when your describing your preschool classroom you
use 'classroom' a lot and then again when your talking about
your summer before ninth grade you say 'summer' quite a bit
When you were baking the cookies, were you and Erica still at
the stage where you didn't like each other or had you learned to
get along. Reading the story it sounded like you two still didnt
like each other but then you said that you were dancing and
having fun, I was confused about that part.
I don't know it this is actually relevant to story, but why did
Erica move in with her boyfriend? You sort of just threw that
out and it kind of came as a shock to me and got me thinking
about the reasons why.
You mention that you were heading off to college and Erica was
taking time off from school but then you say a the summer after
your first year you went to MSU. Did you start at a community
college and then transfer? If so I think that important to put
in the story. If not then I think you should rework that section
so that the reader isn't confused.
Other than that I liked the changes that you made! Great Job!
#Post#: 567--------------------------------------------------
Re: Draft 2
By: poppsar1 Date: April 1, 2014, 10:06 pm
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I really like how you added chapters, or short titles or
whatever you would call them!
I like that you added sensory detail to the cookies!
"Later that night, when Erica returned, she walked through the
door with a big grin upon her small face." Could you add some
more sensory detail her? This is a very important sentence to
your story - maybe you could lead up to it some way that makes
it very suspenseful for the reader.
"We were defiantly something else!" I think you mean definitely.
With the chapter titles, even though I don't think you could
show this on this website because the format changes on it, but
I think you could do something like change the font to show what
the tone/theme of that chapter is. Something like "The Low Part
of Our Friendship" could be written in a sad, depressing font?
Overall, I think you did a great job of editing this story. I
think you could add a little more sensory detail throughout, but
otherwise I really like the story!
Also, Happy birthday! :)
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