DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
ENG 232- JFF
HTML https://eng232jff.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Memoir Topic
*****************************************************
#Post#: 531--------------------------------------------------
Memoir Draft 1
By: nuderabr Date: March 24, 2014, 8:16 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I remember taking the exit off the highway and onto Military
Road. I don’t know how but my dog always seems to know that we
were almost to our destination. He would jump up from his
position on the floor of the car and climb into my lap. He’d
press his nose into the glass and wag his tail feverously.
I remember pulling up to that tiny house at the end of
Northwest Legion drive. After a five and a half hour drive all I
wanted to do was get out of the overly cramped car. This was
always a struggle; we’d all fight to be the first to push our
way out of the car. I always sat in the middle row which made
everything a bit easier for me. The air was always a welcoming
gesture. It was clean and crisp, nothing like the air we were
all used to in the city. The sky was blue as ever with not a
cloud in the sky, this is always how our arrival day was.
I did a little dance around to car, so excited to be at the
cottage. When I was little, I didn’t think much of it, however
I’ve come to appreciate everything a lot more now that I’m
older. Before, unpacking our bags and even before unloading the
car, I would run inside to say a quick ‘Hello’ to my great
grandma. She lived up there from the time I was born and was the
main reason we would travel the long hours from Chicago to
Roscommon, Michigan.
My GG was a very special person and similar to the home in
general, I didn’t realize that as a little kid. She was always
there waiting for us when we arrived. Sometimes, my mom would
wake my siblings and I early so that we pulled up in the mid
afternoon. But, other times my dad would wait until midevening
to leave meaning we would drive into the night and arrive very
late. No matter the case, GG was up waiting for us.
I would step over the threshold into the breezeway that
separated the garage and the house. It smelled of the lake. GG
was very strict about not letting the sand in the house. I step
into the tiny room and take in the clean fresh air of Northern
Michigan. It wasn’t much. There were three bedrooms, a bathroom,
a tiny sitting room combined with an eating area and a kitchen
about the size of a closet.
The cottage had been built by my great-grandfather in the
1950’s and has been in the family since then. From the time I
was a baby, my parents took me there. Every summer my family and
I would make the trip to this little house for the Fourth of
July. When I was really little, we would watch the fireworks
over the lake and stay up late to look at the stars. Being up
there was like having time stand still. I would lay on the dock
and look into the sky wondering how in the world all those stars
could exist in the universe. It’s a wonderful place to relax and
think.
I loved going up in the summer to visit with the lake and my
grandma. Unfortunetly, as I grew older, so did GG. Soon she
could not longer care for herself on her own during those tough
winter months.
In the fall of 2011, GG came to stay with us for the winter.
It was around September when she moved in. In my home, we have a
small room with red painted walls. My mom nicknames this the
‘Red Room’ and this is where my gram would be living for the
next eight months. I was not too thrilled for her to be staying
with us. Earlier that year, my handicapped uncle had stayed with
us while he was making his move from Michigan to the Chicago
area. I had to deal with that and I didn’t want to go through
that again. I regret all those thoughts now. I love my family
very dearly, but at the time it was all that my teenage mind
could think of.
I believe it was a weekday, my grandparents made the drive up
north to pick GG up and bring her to her new home. When I came
home from school, my grandma and grandpa along with GG were all
waiting for us. I was happy to see her, but at the same time it
was so strange to be saying hello to her in my own home rather
than at the cottage. As she got older, she rarely ever came to
visit us, I think I can only remember her doing that once.
I gave her a big hug and inhaled her perfume. She smelled of
Dove White soap and sweet perfume. Her skin was soft but her
body was small and her muscles weak. I would never hug her
tightly for fear of hurting her. But, despite her old age, gram
was happy and thankful as ever to be with family.
Through the course of her time with us, I didn’t spend much
time with her. I would wake early for school and come home late
from practice. I would get straight to my homework and go to
bed.
I spent much on my time with GG on the weekends. I would wake
up Saturday morning and if no one had done it already, I would
make her breakfast and coffee. She would always ask for one
piece of toast with raspberry jelly on it. I would cut it into
four squares for her just the way she liked it before serving it
to her. Then I would go about making her coffee. Gram drank
instant coffee with just the right amount of cream and sugar. I
thought it was the grossest thing ever but the smell was warm
and inviting like my grandma. That feeling went away and I
became an expert on making all this.
We would sit at the kitchen table while we ate. GG was born
in 1920 so she had experienced her fair share of history. I
would pass the time by asking her about everything that she had
done with her life. I sat there as she explained to me her high
school years and living through the Great Depression. That was
her favorite topic of conversation. I listened very intently. I
loved hearing all her stories and I wish I had spent more time
so I could have learned more.
After breakfast, I would get straight to the laundry. It was
not a core I particularly liked to do. I moseyed my way through
it for most of the day. GG would ask me to bring up the clean
clothes from the basement so that she could help me fold them.
We would sit on the couch and talk; I would fold the bigger
laundry and she would lay the socks together for me to fold
together.
“Brailey, this one doesn’t have a mate.” She would say to me
as she held up a stray sock.
“Gram, it fell under your chair.” That was my most common
response.
I enjoyed those rare Saturday mornings where I could spend
time with GG. I was fascinated with her stories about what life
was like back in the day. Having my grandma stay with us was not
at all what I was expecting it to be. I liked having her around,
it was nice to see her in an environment outside of the cottage.
I would hear her talk to my mother in the kitchen while I worked
on my homework. They would laugh and laugh about things that had
happened in the past. I loved hearing the sound of GGs laughter.
She was very serious when I was a child, it was a nice change to
see her mellow out.
December 13th 2011. It was a Tuesday night and I had just
come home from cheering at a basketball game. The game went late
and so as soon as I arrived home, I went straight to the
computer to start my physics homework. I didn’t even bother to
change out of my uniform.
The computer table is just one room away from GG’s room and I
could hear my mom moving back and forth between that and the
bathroom. I knew that gram hadn’t been doing too well lately.
She had suddenly become sick. It started off as nothing more
than a common cold, I would later learn that she was
accidentally given medicine that she was allergic to.
I tried my best to ignore what was happening in the other
room, but it was very difficult.
“Focus on physic,” I told myself. “You need to learn this
stuff!”
That only made it more difficult. I wasn’t able to pay
attention to what was on the screen, I was barely even able to
hold my pencil without my hand shaking. I was worried.
The noises from the other room died down a little, either
that or I just got used to them and didn’t notice them anymore.
Either way, I was able to settle down and do some of my assigned
problem. I was calculating torque and rotational energy, it was
hard enough to focus on that without having to hear my mom
caring for my grandma.
Around 10:30pm, my mom called her mom. Mom’s voice was shaky
as she talked into the receiver. I didn’t see her but her voice
came from the dining room. My mom is one of the most calming
people I know, she rarely ever gets scared or freaks out. Not
that night, her voice was anything but calm. She keep repeating
over and over that my grandma needed to come over at that
instant. She was crying.
At this point, it might have been good for me to give up on
my homework and go straight to my room. I couldn’t move, I was
stuck to the seat. My hands were sweaty and I slowly started to
cry, silent tears streaming down my face. I started praying, I
prayed to God to watch over GG. I didn’t want to lose her, not
here, not like this, not ever. However much I prayed, I knew
that I had no control over something like this. God was going to
watch over my gram and that’s all I could rely on at that point.
Twenty minutes after my mom made that call, my grandma showed
up at our side door. I pulled myself off the seat and found that
I couldn’t walk. My legs had fallen asleep, so with stiff legs,
I walked to fifteen feet from the computer table to the door and
let my grandma in. Seeing the tears on my face, she embraced me
in a tight hug.
“It will be fine. Everything will be just fine. You don’t
need to cry.” She told me in a soft voice. I could see her puffy
water eyes, she had been crying as well.
I stood there as my grandma walked from the door to GG’s
bedroom. I didn’t dare go over there. I knew that my mom and
grandma needed their space. My grandma had been a nurse so I was
hoping that she could help in anyway with her mother.
I stood in the doorway for what seemed like forever before
going back to my physics problem.
This time, I was done crying. I needed to get my homework
done and I needed to be strong for my mom and her mom. It was
not long after that I heard my grandma get up to go to the
bathroom. This time, I heard my mothers tears loud and clear.
She started sobbing and then crying harder.
“Mom, shes gone. Shes gone.” I heard this over and over again
in a voice that did not match the one of my strong confident
mother.
It was something that I never would have expected to hear
come out of my moms mouth, ever. I never would have expected to
be there when my gram passed away, but I was and I was
devastated. This time, I wasn’t afraid to really cry. There were
no more silent tears, I let it all out. I was almost in a state
of shock. I didn’t want to believe that my great-grandmother had
just passed away in my home.
I dropped my pencil on the desk and let my hands fall to my
lap. The tears that I cried falling steadily onto my physics
homework. I was shaking all over. On the inside, I was broken. I
had never lost someone who I had impacted my life so much. She
was my GG. She always seemed so unbreakable to me. I had never
pictured my life without her and was faced with the shocking
truth that I would have to continue life in that way.
I stayed that way for a very long time until my mother came
out of the bedroom and over to my side. She wrapped me in a
tight hug and we cried together. I could tell she was hurt much
more that I was and I could only imagine what my grandmother was
feeling at that point.
“Would you like to see her, Brailey?” My mom asked me when
she had regained her composure. “She looks very peaceful, like
she’s sleeping.”
I silently shook my head “no” and continue to cry on my mom’s
shoulder. My grandma came over to us and we cried together for a
long time, sharing the same pain.
Shortly after that, I dragged myself up the stairs and into
my room. I didn’t want to be downstairs when the ambulance came.
That night I cried myself to sleep. I cried for my mom and
grandma. I cried for myself. But most importantly I cried for
the loss of my GG.
She was buried the next week in a small cemetery up at the
cottage. The ceremony was small and sad. She was 91 years old so
many of her friends and family had already passes. It was a
closed casket ceremony but at the end, they did open it for the
few who wanted to see her face. I was one of the few. I wanted
to looked at her and say a proper goodbye before she was placed
in the ground. My mom didn’t come in with me, she said that she
couldn’t bare to see GG again.
She looked very peaceful laying there and although it hurt
me, I knew that she was in a much better place. She was reunited
with my Grandpa GG and I was sure that they were both smiling
down at us.
We walked from the church across the street to the cemetery
and watched the priest as he blessed the casket. They didn’t
lower into the ground then so we stood there and listened to the
priest as he went on with the blessing. When he was finished
everyone walked back to the church. I stayed with my mom and
grandma and we said goodbye one more time. I had come to terms
with what had transpired in the past week and was only sad to
loss my grandma. I knew that she was happier somewhere else and
most importantly, I knew that I would always have her with me
from that point on, no matter what.
October 13th, 2013. One year and 10 months after GG passed
away, I was attending church at St. Johns Parish. It was my
second month after starting college and my family had come up
for a visit. The mass was a simple Sunday mass, nothing special
to it. The priest gave a homily about society and how people
these days feel the need to submerge themselves in the biggest
and brightest things. He explained how it’s imperative to not
forget the simple life.
He told the congregation that it is “far better to cleanse
the soul with the simplest of options.” He used Dove White soap
as an analogy, saying that that was the most simple you could
get.
Later that day, my parents took my shopping. I needed body
soap, so obliging to what the priest said, my mom picked out
Dove White soap. I didn’t think much of it, it was cheap it came
in a pack, it would do. It wasn’t until a couple weeks when I
opened that soap did I remember the correlation. It smelled of
my GG. It was such a comforting, familiar smell. It brought me
to tears. I stood there, in my dorm room crying for my
great-grandma. It had been almost two years since her passing
but the pain was still very strong.
The cottage was passed onto my mom and her cousin and we
still go up there every year on the Fourth of July. It’s
different though. I don’t walk through the doors to see my
grandma reading in her chair. I walk through the doors to an
empty house where my grandma should be. Instead there are only
her things and the memories I have of her.
The house is still a welcoming place for me but it’s a cold
welcome. The house is not the same. The furniture is the same
but it’s arranged in a different order, The pictures have been
taken off the wall and many of the valuable items have been
taken away for fear of burglars. For most of the year, the house
stands bare and empty.
For a long time, I couldn’t bring myself to go into her room.
I didn’t feel like it would be her room without her in it. I got
over the uncomfortableness of that and when I did enter her
small bedroom, I found almost everything in its order, almost as
if it was waiting for her to return home. I went to sit on the
bed. I sat on the bed and cried. I cried for a long time and
prayed and cried some more. I still cry every once and a while.
I know that my grandmother is still with me today. I wear a
necklace of hers every day, it gives me strength to know that
she is with me as I grow. Losing her was one of the hardest
things I have ever had to go through. It was painstakingly hard,
but I know that it has helped me grow. I am who I am because of
the people who have impacted my life. My Great-Grandmother will
always hold a very dear place in my heart, forever and always.
#Post#: 534--------------------------------------------------
Re: Memoir Draft 1
By: poppsar1 Date: March 24, 2014, 8:48 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I'm starting your feedback on "page 3" where we left off so I'm
not giving you double feedback on the first two pages! :)
-"Through the course of her time with us, I didn’t spend much
time with her." confusing with the word "time" in there twice,
is there another word you could use so it doesn't sound as
repetitive?
-Just check for grammatical mistakes
-Really great sensory detail with making your grandma breakfast!
I was interested and it made me hungry. Coffee smells so good!
-The night you were talking about with your grandma was very
intense and scary, from the way you write it! You did a great
job of portraying it that way and keeping the reader in the dark
about what was happening even when you now know what was
happening. This made me as the reader have many questions until
you answered them all.
-"I silently shook my head “no” and continue to cry on my mom’s
shoulder. My grandma came over to us and we cried together for a
long time, sharing the same pain." Maybe you could add some more
sensory detail in this part? I know it's very sad and it
probably felt like a really long time that you were crying
together, could you add how you felt in the moment to make the
pacing slow down?
-"They didn’t lower into the ground then so we stood there and
listened to the priest as he went on with the blessing." They
didn't lower her then, so when did they?
-This story is great, although very very sad. It is relatable to
anyone who has lost a grandparent and I can compare my loss to
yours. I think the ending is great because you bring it all
together and speed up the pacing. Just keep adding sensory
detail whenever you can and just check for grammatical mistakes.
You did a wonderful job of writing about something that I'm sure
was very difficult for you.
#Post#: 537--------------------------------------------------
Re: Memoir Draft 1
By: Grace Rozanski Date: March 24, 2014, 12:05 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Great job Brailey!
-I would take a look at your tense in the opening paragraph, it
switches a few times
-Also, the word "always" is used a lot in the second paragraph
and it gets a little repetetive
-I think describing your great grandma's cottage and the
landscape around it would be a good opportunity for sensory
detail
-I thought that this was a really great story and that you told
it using effective language
-It was very emotional and you did a good job making it personal
and relatable
-Maybe consider adding some more dialogue in there
-I really liked how the bar of soap tied in in the end of the
story
-There are some small grammar and spelling issues throughout to
look for
Overall great job!
#Post#: 541--------------------------------------------------
Re: Memoir Draft 1
By: Laisures Date: March 25, 2014, 1:21 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Nice job!
". I always sat in the middle row which made everything a bit
easier for me. The air was always a welcoming gesture. It was
clean and crisp, nothing like the air we were all used to in the
city. " Here I am confused by how being in the middle made it
easier for you. also are you talking about the air conditioning
coming directly on you in the middle seat. Maybe add some
transition words or reword.
"Before, unpacking our bags and even before unloading the car, I
would run inside to say a quick ‘Hello’ to my great grandma. "
maybe right in here explain how you called her GG. a little
confusing later on without that.
Is there a difference between GG and Gram? If not maybe stick
with just one or if so then explain.
Possibly right in the beginning give a background of everyone in
the family and their names. This may help to lesson the
confusion.
" The computer table is just one room away from GG’s room and
I could hear my mom moving back and forth between that and the
bathroom" what is THAT?
Good Dialect!
" Later that day, my parents took my shopping. I " I think you
mean me
Great story. Very touching!
*****************************************************