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#Post#: 445--------------------------------------------------
Fantasy Final
By: vanesse3 Date: February 26, 2014, 8:33 am
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attached
#Post#: 456--------------------------------------------------
Carly McElreath response to vanesse3 fantasy report
By: Carly21 Date: February 26, 2014, 8:48 pm
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- Great final draft! I can definitely see the improvements that
were made from the last draft
- Good sensory details added in the introduction. I love the
details about the about the "loud raindrops bouncing forcefully
off of the roof". I really paints a picture in my mind about
that particular night and I think it sets the tone for the rest
of the story.
- I also really like the detail about the baby's goosebumps.
- I am a little confused about the structure of the paper of the
paper. I think maybe I would of clumped the small paragraphs
together form bigger paragraphs.
#Post#: 479--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fantasy Final
By: sarafredrick Date: February 28, 2014, 7:11 pm
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-Your additions are really great!
-I also still love the beginning and the orphanage--I think that
that was a great idea.
-Pacing was good, i never got bored.
-Good sensory detail and imagery!
-Also like the ending. Great that she finally found her
family/people who cared about her!
Happy spring break!
#Post#: 494--------------------------------------------------
Re: Fantasy Final
By: oliver Date: March 9, 2014, 6:03 am
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I think you did a nice job with the wording and pacing in your
final draft, but I agree with Carly that if you broke it up into
smaller paragraphs it would improve the structure a little.
There was nice sensory details in the beginning and throughout
and I liked how you tied it all together in the end.
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