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#Post#: 369--------------------------------------------------
Kiersten's 2nd draft
By: ruther50 Date: February 19, 2014, 7:36 am
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The Expulsion
Grayson jolted out of a deep sleep as soon as his loud alarm
went off. It was 6:00AM and he finally got out of bed, trying
not to wake his wife, and stepped into reality. He proceeded to
the kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal. Grayson took a
shower, dressed himself in his work uniform, a silver jumpsuit
and black work boots. He was running late, but made time to
quietly kiss his wife on the cheek and rushed out the door. As
he ran down the stairs of his apartment complex, he soon
realized that he forgot to grab his most important accessory.
He ran back up the stairs, praying that he wouldn’t be late for
work, and grabbed his mask. Everyone throughout the entire world
owned this mask, in an attempted to protect human lungs from the
treacherous pollution within the air. Without this mask, your
lifespan would heavily decrease with every exposure.
It was the year 2204 and the world’s atmosphere was completely
polluted with smog and toxins. The air was thick and grey and
had caused huge controversies within government systems on
decisions of how to handle and clean up the air. Another issue
that the nations around the world have debated about is the over
population of people within the world. The world’s population
was currently at an overwhelming number of 21 billion. In the
world today, there was no such thing as privacy. Everywhere you
went you were completely surrounded by people in both small and
big cities. Natural resources were at an all time low, which
meant that gas prices were at an all time high, so most of the
population walked everywhere, including Grayson.
Grayson was a confident man with light brown hair and blue
eyes. He had an interesting smile that set him apart from
others. Grayson lived in Region 6 of the _________________
Republic; formally know as the United States of America. The
world was a completely different place than it had been hundreds
of years ago. The world has been split into 50 regions, all of
which are controlled by one person, the President. The President
was a very old, harsh and cruel man, who had always dreamed of
taking over the world. The President had many rules and
regulations for his 50 regions, any of which that were broken
you would be up for execution. The largest rule was region wide,
but put in place for good reason. Since the pollution within the
air was so thick and life threatening, each person within the
world must move to another planet at the age of 25 to continue
their lives. It is predicted that one will become very ill once
exposed to the world’s pollution after living in it for just 25
years. Each and every person who is approaching the age of 25
must take a test of inner exclusivity. This test evaluates your
personality, intelligence and compatibility then matches it to
features within another planet.
The test of inner exclusivity is the most pivotal aspect of a
human’s life. At the conclusion of each year, all of those aged
at 25 will be tested to determine which planet you will be
deported to. Though it was controversial, Grayson regarded this
system as flawed. He believed that the President just sent
everyone away because it was the easiest route. If Grayson had a
say, he would attempt to restore the planet with new innovations
of recycling and sustainable solutions. But going against the
government in a society like such, would be extremely frowned
upon and could start huge controversies. Uprisings against the
President have occurred before, but there have been no
successful attempts. Those who were involved were imprisoned and
the leaders were executed immediately. There was no remorse
within the President’s decision. Grayson believed if the
citizens of the world came together, they could fix their planet
in more ways than one. Grayson wished that more people had a
mindset like himself, but most people he knew just went along
with the President’s control believing that it was their only
choice. The President believed that sending everyone to another
planet at the age of 25 was saving their lives from the
pollution, and also makes the world a less populated area.
During Grayson’s walk to work, he couldn’t help from thinking
about what the ensuing days would hold. Next week marked his
25th birthday, making him and his wife both of conclusive age
for judgment. Grayson’s wife, Annie, had previously taken the
test two months ago and was helping him prepare, in hopes that
they would be assigned to the same planet. Through exploration
and extensive research, the government had founded 113
inhabitable planets relatively close in relation to earth. The
President handpicked 100 planets for humans to inhabit on.
Annie’s test results revealed that she would soon be living on
planet number 53. Each and every night since Annie had taken her
test, she has been helping Grayson memorize her exact answers to
ensure that he will be assigned to planet 53 as well. Annie was
a woman of small stature, covered in delicate brown freckles
with piercing green eyes. She and Grayson had a strong love that
they were hoping not to break.
The conclusion of the year was rapidly approaching at the end
of the month and fortunately, Grayson’s birthday was just around
the corner, barely making him eligible for deportation. The
process of testing and deportation to planets has only occurred
for 20 years, as it was set into law in 2184. Grayson was eager
to take the test, as he felt confident and prepared to match his
wife’s answers. The two studied intensely for the next couple of
days until Grayson’s 25th birthday was finally here. The morning
of Grayson’s birthday seemed to drag on forever, as he was
preparing himself for the crucial day ahead. Grayson left early,
to ensure he wouldn’t miss his test. He briskly walked to Region
6’s center and checked in. He waited patiently, as his nerves
began to consume and take over his positive thoughts. Guards
that were dressed in all white body suits and helmets surrounded
each corner of the Region’s center. The President insisted that
everything go accordingly and flawlessly as citizens initiated
their tests. The test was put into law to guarantee civility
within each planet. Certain personality types were put on
different planets so there were no further disagreements between
members of the 100 planets. Grayson wasn’t particularly worried
about his results, as he believed that he had very similar
personality traits and thoughts as his wife did.
Annie sat at home with nothing to do but think of her and
Grayson’s future. Feelings of doubt, curiosity and hope began to
take over her body all at once. Hours went by as Annie sat
lifeless, twiddling her thumbs. At last, Grayson arrived back
home with anticipation driven in his interesting smile. He ran
towards Annie and greeted her with a hug and kiss. The couple
had a feeling of reassurance within their hug, they couldn’t
imagine being torn apart for the rest of their lives. Grayson
was looking forward to receiving his test results, which would
appear in just twenty-four hours. The couple wanted to only have
positive thoughts, so they imagined what life would be like on
planet 53. They hoped it would be warm and sunny, full of
beautiful flowers and trees. They talked about having children
and raising them on planet 53, hoping their child would live a
normal life while having other children to play with. The
citizens were given no knowledge of the 100 planets; they only
knew that they were suitable for human life. This was yet
another reason why the President was bigoted. He could care less
about the people in the world. The President was very
narrow-minded, only thinking about his well-being and fortune.
Twenty-four hours had barely passed when Grayson’s results were
hand delivered to his apartment by a guard member. Grayson took
a deep breath while Annie closed her eyes and crossed her
fingers. Grayson advanced and ripped open the results that
revealed his planet. The couple knew their chances were slim,
one in one hundred to be exact, but continued to stay
optimistic. This was a prime moment in their life that would
never be altered. Grayson exposed his results and immediately
crumbled up the letter and started to weep. Annie didn’t even
need to ask, she could tell from his reaction that he was not
assigned to planet number 53. She had never seen Grayson cry
before and attempted to comfort him as they cried together.
Grayson was assigned to planet 63 thinking there must be some
sort of mistake. He thought he had matched every answer the same
as Annie’s, but just one different response could change his
assigned planet, as it did.
This event created even more rage within Grayson against the
President and the current world system. The year’s deportation
day was only one month away and was known as The Expulsion.
Grayson and Annie both quit their jobs in order to spend their
last month with one another. They loved every waking moment they
spent together, but dreaded it at the same time knowing it would
be one of their last together. As the two started packing for
their lives on separate planets, the weeks began to fly by like
they never had before. Grayson knew he wasn’t going to let the
President get away with this yet another year. This corrupt
system was tearing families and loved ones apart, creating
unfair results. Ever since Grayson received his results, he had
been creating a plan to join his wife on planet 53. He was
willing to risk getting imprisoned or even executed to be with
his wife forever. To Grayson, being without his wife on planet
63 would be just as bad as spending life in jail or dying.
During The Expulsion, Grayson planned on sneaking into Annie’s
line at the very last moment. He wasn’t planning on informing
Annie of his plans, because she probably wouldn’t allow it,
thinking he would be caught.
Time flew by, as it was already the eve of The Expulsion.
Grayson was praying for the best, but prepared for the worse.
Neither Grayson nor Annie gained any sleep that night, as
negative thoughts emerged inside their heads. They weren’t
prepared to say goodbye for potentially forever, it would be the
hardest thing that either of them would ever have to do. The
next morning, Grayson and Annie gathered all of their belongings
and started for Region 6’s center. Each Region within the world
had Expulsion day today, only those who were 25 were allowed to
attend. They checked in with the guards, showing their assigned
planet numbers and went to their respected lines. There were
thousands of people waiting in line crying and saying goodbye to
their loved ones. Each line led to a large, platinum space
shuttle with large, bright numbers indicating which planet it
was traveling to.
Grayson and Annie said their final goodbyes and were forced
from their long and tight hug. They gave each other three small
kisses and said I love you one last time. They waited in their
respected lines with their eyes locked on one another. Grayson
finally broke their gaze as he frantically looked around,
searching for the perfect moment to make his move. The shuttles
were getting fuller and the lines shorter, but Grayson found the
perfect moment. Annie was already on her shuttle that was
labeled 53. A women just a few feet in front of him, was
struggling with her luggage, as it was much too heavy. A few
surrounding guards jumped to help the woman, and Grayson
couldn’t help but think that this was the perfect distraction.
He secretly bolted to shuttle line 53. He peered around,
attempting not to create a scene. He noticed that a couple
people were giving him odd looks, but didn’t say anything. His
plan was going to work! He was so excited to see Annie’s face
when she realizes what had just happened.
Grayson was the last man in line. He stepped up on to the space
shuttles ledge, took a deep breath thanking God for the
opportunity he was presented with. His eyes moved side to side
searching for Annie and finally found her with tears were
streaming down her face. Grayson didn’t want to make a fuss but
managed to get Annie’s attention. Her eyes lit up like fireworks
exploding in the sky. She had to blink a few times to ensure she
wasn’t dreaming. She couldn’t believe the risk he had willingly
taken just to be with her, solidifying their strong and
unbreakable love from one another. They did not sit next to one
another, but both sat by a window. The passengers on the shuttle
were all on a one-way trip to their new home and life, never to
return back. Grayson was eager to see what his new life would
consist of, but wasn’t ready to say goodbye to his home, Earth.
He could only imagine how much worse the pollution would get if
no one steps in to help. Grayson felt guilty for giving up and
escaping the real world, but it wasn’t his choice to make, this
is how the President wanted to world to be.
Hundreds of Region 6 citizens were crowded in the planet 53
space shuttle. Passengers were informed that it would take 48
hours to reach their planet. Grayson gazed at the Earth one last
time, promising to never forget its true potential and it slowly
faded away behind dark clouds. He hoped that someday all of
Earth’s issues would be solved once and for all and that
everyone could return back home. In the worst of situations,
Grayson was delighted to spend it with his one true love, Annie.
Grayson was exhausted, as he didn’t get any sleep the night
before, and slept until the shuttle landed. As each and every
person from the shuttle exited everyone become overwhelmed with
the clean, fresh and clear air that this planet held. Grayson
was finally able to breathe without a mask filtering his every
breath. He was finally united with Annie, knowing their love
would outstand any unforeseen circumstances.
The planet was large, beautiful and seemed to have a lot of
potential for the new civilians. What seemed to be thousands of
people gathered around the space shuttle to greet the new
members of planet 53. The shuttle took off immediately once
everyone and their belongings were out. The new members of the
planet were huddled by pervious members welcoming one another.
No one on this planet carried a job; instead, small groups were
formed to build new homes for the incoming members at the
conclusion of each year. Grayson and Annie held each other’s
hands tightly while they were being ushered to their new home,
built by previous members. All of the houses looked identical,
but their home was labeled 2412. They were finally alone in
their new home and Annie thanked Grayson for risking his life
just to be with her. They began roaming around the house, when
all of a sudden they heard a panting noise that seemed near.
Annie became frightened and startled when this object jumped
onto her, nearly pushing her down. She closed her eyes and began
screaming. The next-door neighbors heard her and rushed over.
They grabbed the object off of Annie and revealed that the
object was just licking her, attempting to show affection and
welcome her home. Annie felt awful when she noticed it was just
an innocent alien like dog. This alien like animal had three
antennas sprouting from its head, a long smooth tail and was
purple. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before, but
welcomed it with open arms. These aliens were original citizens
of planet 53 and each household owned one.
All of the new members of planet 53 were invited to a large
dinner to discuss regulations and rules of the planet. Everyone
seemed incredibly nice but professed how much they missed their
lives back on earth. There weren’t many rules on their planet,
only one being that the new members must build a single home for
next year’s incoming citizens. After returning from dinner,
Grayson and Annie were excited to take breaks from work and to
only focus on one task. They thoroughly enjoyed their first days
of creating a new home, it was a completely new experience and
were glad to be learning new things. Weeks went by, as they were
beginning to adjust to life on planet 53. To their surprise, it
wasn’t much different than Earth. It looked very similar with
lakes and rivers, but everything was flawless and clean. They
had never imagined a world like this, working outside without
masks, breathing in such pure air. They couldn’t imagine how
different this experience would have been without one another.
Weeks went by and Grayson found himself becoming very bored.
Everyone did the same things each day; wake up, go and work on
their house, go home, eat dinner, go to bed, and repeat. There
were no fun activities to do. No restaurants, movie theaters,
malls, parks or events. Grayson missed those aspects he had on
Earth that he once had taken for granted. He expressed his
feelings to Annie and she couldn’t help but agree. She always
daydreamed about what life was like back on Earth. More weeks
passed by and Grayson observed that everyone else seemed
completely content with the situation. He didn’t want to live
the rest of his life being bored. Grayson had faith in Earth and
the people, believing that if everyone pitched in the world
could be a much cleaner and enjoyable place. Each night Grayson
had dreams of returning to Earth and cleaning the lakes, rivers,
oceans and air. He began talking to neighbors around him of
their thoughts on Earth. He wondered if they had missed it just
as much as he and Annie do. Each person he talked to expressed
that they missed it terribly, but had no way to return so they
were making their best attempt to enjoy their new lives. Grayson
decided to do the same for the time being because they truly had
no other options. Everyone on planet 53 acted like robots, doing
the same things each and every day.
Six months had passed and Grayson was becoming depressed. He
had absolutely nothing to look forward to. He wanted to be back
on Earth and save it. The first member meeting was this
afternoon, and Grayson was curious as to what it would be like.
During the meeting an older woman asked the public if they had
any questions or concerns and Grayson marched up onto the stage.
Annie’s eyes got wide as she sat there speechless. Grayson had
no idea what encouraged him to make this move, but he had fire
in his eyes. He nervously began speaking out to the public,
expressing his boredom and hate for the President’s decision to
send them all away from their lives and families. He told
everyone that he dreamed of returning home and fixing the Earth.
People began cheering and smiles sprouted upon the member’s
faces. Grayson proposed that they create a plan to return to
Earth’s on the next years Expulsion. He asked everyone to raise
their hand if they would join this revolution. Annie’s hand was
the first to go up. All but a few people raised their hands,
agreeing to create a revolution against the President and save
Earth.
#Post#: 370--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kiersten's 2nd draft
By: ruther50 Date: February 19, 2014, 7:37 am
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There were six more months until the next wave of member’s were
shuttled in, leaving the members of planet 53 plenty of time to
prepare for action. Grayson arose as the leader of this
revolution, as it was entirely his plan. Many suggestions were
given and etched into the plan while many were turned down.
Meanwhile, members of this revolution began creating inventions
to create sustainable energy on Earth and purify the air so
everyone could safely breathe. With all of the household tools
around, members were able to invent and build a small, portable
air filter that everyone could eventually own. This wasn’t just
any air filter; it would take in the Earth’s contaminated air,
completely filter and destroy all of the unwanted elements and
toxins and create fresh, pure and livable air. If everyone in
the world owned one of these high tech filters, the world’s air
would slowly become like new. Grayson had always dreamed of such
a tool and was happy his dreams were finally becoming a reality.
Thousands of planet 53 members were eager to help and progress
erupted. Assembly lines were being created and new air filters
were build everyday. Annie was incredibly proud of Grayson and
couldn’t believe they were defying all odds and would soon
return back to Earth.
Months went by and the revolution plans were finally concrete.
Each day, contributing members would rehearse these plans to
generate perfection, as they only had one shot to return.
Several shuttles would arrive on planet 53 as part of The
Expulsion in just days. All members of the planet had their bags
packed and were ready for action. Grayson and Annie were
extremely nervous and prayed each moment that everything would
work as planned. Everyone waited anxiously as Expulsion day was
nearing. It was finally the eve of Expulsion day and Grayson
couldn’t believe they had already been living on this planet for
one whole year. Everyone got a good night’s rest and prepared
for the biggest day of their lives. Grayson woke up early to
ensure that everyone was cooperating and that everything would
run smoothly. Members began to appear from their homes and head
towards the shuttles perceived location. Grayson, Annie and 50
other members would all take on the first arriving shuttle. The
rest of the member of planet 53 would take over the remaining
shuttles. Grayson’s group was planning to hijack the very first
shuttle and quickly reroute it back to Earth.
A loud buzzing arose as the first shuttle emerged from the
horizon. As soon as the shuttle landed and the doors opened
wide, Grayson made the first move towards the pilots. He and
other members tied up the pilots and threw them aside. The rest
of Grayson’s group informed the incoming members of planet 53 to
remain on the space shuttle and follow all rules and directions.
Grayson and Annie’s group consisted of specialists that had once
built these space shuttles and knew their parts and how to guide
them back to earth. Grayson also picked computer specialists to
come aboard the first shuttle to hack into the communication
lines that were directed back to Earth. All respected members
were loaded onto the shuttle and they bolted back to Earth.
Grayson didn’t sleep on the ride back this time, but took
control and gave out all orders. The hacking began just minutes
after their departure back to Earth. Grayson was planning on
hacking into the communication system and make a public service
announcement that would be heard all around the world. He hoped
that when people heard this announcement, they would join in
this revolution to end the President’s reign once and for all.
An hour into their departure back to Earth, the communications
line had been successfully hacked and Grayson prepared his
speech. His palms became clammy as soon as the radio was handed
his way. He had rehearsed this speech multiple times and was
extremely nervous.
“Hello citizens of the world. My name is Grayson and I have
lived on planet 53 for a year now. I have stolen a shuttle and
am heading back to Earth. Thousands of planet 53 members have
contributed to this revolution and we have created an invention
that will fix all of Earth’s pollution problems. This invention
will completely filter Earth’s polluted air and as a solution,
will create a livable environment. Citizens of the world, we
need your help to convince the President that with everyone’s
help, we can create a beautiful and sustainable world that
everyone can live in forever. We need you to have faith in us,
as this is our only chance to show the President our invention.
I know deep down he means well, we just need to prove to him
Earth’s true potential. I need as many people as possible to
surround the President’s quarters when we arrive in just 48
hours to help us in this revolution go get our Earth back. I am
counting on you to help, and am looking forward to seeing you
all there!”
Grayson breathed a sigh of relief and shut off the radio. The
remaining time on the shuttle was full of suspense. Grayson and
Annie prayed that people would actually show up to support their
invention and ideas. Hours and hours passed by, but Grayson
couldn’t sleep on this trip like he had the first time. The
shuttle was just two hours away from Earth and Grayson hoped the
President would be in an understanding mood. The President was
extremely strict and hopefully wouldn’t just shove everyone into
jail. Once again, Grayson was willing to do anything for the
citizens of the world and especially for his beloved planet,
Earth. Annie turned to Grayson and said,
“Love sure does make you do crazy things”.
The shuttle was creeping closer and closer to Earth and everyone
could finally see the bright blue oceans and soon enough,
everyone could see their destination. The shuttle beginning to
land and Grayson could see what looked like thousands of people
surrounding the President’s quarters. He was smiling ear to ear
and ordered everyone to take their positions.
After a long and nerve-racking departure back to Earth, the
shuttle had finally landed. Grayson and Annie marched hand in
hand with confidence, straight to the President’s front door.
Everyone stepping out of the shuttle was ecstatic to see so many
people there to support their revolution. Everywhere you looked,
people surrounded the area. Many of the supporters were holding
up signs and were eager to join in the fight to save their own
and Earth’s life. As Annie and Grayson crept closer to the
President’s front door, Annie let Grayson take the lead. Grayson
barely knocked on the front door, when the President stepped out
to meet them.
“I’ve been expecting you. You made quite the scene..” said the
President.
Grayson nervously replied, “I didn’t mean to cause a scene, I
just think it’s about time that someone do something about the
world’s problems and finally stand up to you.” The President
could tell Grayson meant business and was eager and willing to
see his invention. He respected Grayson for approaching him with
words instead of violence, as most had before, so he was willing
to give Grayson a chance. The President continued, “Come in and
we can talk, and leave your wife behind.” Annie gave Grayson a
quick hug and closely followed behind the President. After a
long, drawn out walk, the President led him into his office and
commanded that he sit down. Annie waited anxiously outside with
other planet 53 members. She had complete faith in Grayson and
knew everything would be alright because he has such a strong
passion for the things he loves. She know that he wouldn’t take
no for an answer. She was just hoping that their invention would
be good enough to impress and persuade the President.
An hour passed by, then two and Annie became worried. Had he
made him mad or insulted him? Is he in jail? All of these
negative thoughts clouded her mind. Annie began to hear cheering
and clapping and quickly turned around to see Grayson and the
President. The President held Grayson’s hand up in the air, as
if he had just won a boxing match. Annie rushed to Grayson and
held him tight. He whispered in her ear,
“Everything went as planned. Say hello to your new home,
forever.”
#Post#: 414--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kiersten's 2nd draft
By: caseyholland Date: February 23, 2014, 11:55 pm
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Really interesting topic! I've always been fascinated by the
thought of other worlds, so that part really drew me in.
For such a harsh man, the President seemed to give in to
Grayson's demands pretty easily - maybe you could elaborate more
on that? You said he was in there for hours, but stuck mostly
with Annie's point of view for that part. Maybe instead focus on
Grayson and how his conversation with the president plays out.
Sort of along those same lines, you did switch points of view a
couple of times throughout the story from what Grayson was
feeling to what Annie was feeling. Maybe try and stick with one,
probably Grayson since you focus on him the most, just to avoid
any confusion!
I like that Grayson was able to create a tool to help the Earth,
especially since that was what he had on his mind at the
beginning of the story.
All in all, really good concept! Just watch the POV switch and
maybe elaborate on a few things, such as the president's
confrontation with Grayson and maybe even more about how he's
able to keep control over so many planets as well.
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