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#Post#: 329--------------------------------------------------
Kiersten's 1st Draft Fantasy
By: ruther50 Date: February 12, 2014, 4:37 pm
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Kiersten Rutherford
2/12/14
ENG 232
Fantasy
The Expulsion
Grayson jolted out of a deep sleep as soon as his loud alarm
went off. It was 6:00AM as he finally got out of bed, trying not
to wake his wife, and stepped into reality. He proceeded to the
kitchen and poured himself a bowl of cereal. Grayson then took a
shower, dressed himself in his work uniform, a silver jumpsuit
and black work boots. He was running late, but made time to
quietly kiss his wife on the cheek and rushed out the door. As
he ran down the stairs of his apartment complex, he soon
realized that he forgot to grab his most important accessory.
He ran back up the stairs, praying that he wouldn’t be late for
work, and grabbed his mask. Everyone throughout the entire world
owned this mask, in an attempted to protect human lungs from the
treacherous pollution within the air. Without this mask, your
lifespan would heavily decrease with every exposure.
It was the year 2204 and the world’s atmosphere was completely
polluted with smog and toxins. The air was thick and grey and
had caused huge controversies within government systems on
decisions of how to handle and clean up the air. Another issue
that the nations around the world have debated over is the over
population of people within the world. The world’s population
was currently at an overwhelming number of 21 billion. In the
world today, there was no such thing as privacy. Everywhere you
went you were completely surrounded by people in both small and
big cities. Gas prices were at an all time high, so most of the
population walked everywhere, including Grayson.
Grayson was a confident man with light brown hair and blue
eyes. He had an interesting smile that set him apart from
others. Grayson lived in Region 6 of the _________________
Republic; formally know as the United States of America. The
world was a completely different place than it had been hundreds
of years ago. The world had been split into 50 regions, all of
which who are controlled by one person, the President. The
President was a very harsh and cruel man, who had always dreamed
of taking over the world. The President had many rules and
regulations for his 50 regions, any of which that were broken,
you would be up for execution. The largest rule was region wide,
but put in place for good reason. Since the pollution within the
air was so thick and life threatening, each person within the
world must move to another planet at the age of 25 to continue
their lives. It is predicted that one will become very ill once
exposed to the world’s pollution after living in it for just 25
years. Each and every person who is approaching the age of 25
must take a test of inner exclusivity. This test evaluates your
personality, intelligence and compatibility then matches it to
features within another planet.
The test of inner exclusivity is the most pivotal aspect of a
human’s life. At the conclusion of each year, all of those aged
at 25 will be tested to determine which planet you will be
deported to. Though it was controversial, Grayson regarded this
system as flawed. He believed that the President just sent
everyone away because it was the easiest route. If Grayson had a
say, he would attempt to restore the planet with new innovations
of recycling and sustainable solutions. But going against the
government in a society like such, would be extremely frowned
upon and could start huge controversies. Uprisings against the
President have occurred before, but there have been no
successful attempts. Those who were involved were imprisoned and
the leaders were executed immediately. There was no remorse
within the President’s decision. If the citizens of the world
came together, they could fix their planet in more ways than
one. Grayson wished that more people had a mindset like himself,
but most people he knew just went along with the President’s
control believing that it was their only choice. The President
believed that sending everyone to another planet at the age of
25 was saving their lives from the pollution, and also makes the
world a less populated area.
During Grayson’s walk to work, he couldn’t help from thinking
about what the ensuing days would hold. Next week marked his
25th birthday, making him and his wife both of conclusive age
for judgment. Grayson’s wife, Annie, had previously taken the
test just two months ago and was helping him prepare, in hopes
that they would be assigned to the same planet. Through
exploration and extensive research, the government had founded
113 inhabitable planets relatively close in relation to earth.
The President handpicked 100 planets for humans to inhabit on.
Annie’s test results revealed that she would soon be living on
planet number 53. Each and every night since Annie had taken her
test, she has been helping Grayson memorize her exact answers to
ensure that he will be assigned to planet 53 as well. Annie was
a woman of small stature, covered in delicate brown freckles
with piercing green eyes.
The conclusion of the year was rapidly approaching at the end
of the month and fortunately, Grayson’s birthday was just around
the corner, barely making him eligible for deportation. The
process of testing and deportation to planets has only occurred
for 20 years, as it was set into law in 2184. Grayson was eager
to take the test, as he felt confident and prepared to match his
wife’s answers. The two studied intensely for the next couple of
days until Grayson’s 25th birthday was finally here. The morning
of Grayson’s birthday seemed to drag on forever, as he was
preparing himself for the crucial day ahead. Grayson left early,
to ensure he wouldn’t miss his test. He briskly walked to Region
6’s center and checked in. He waited patiently, as his nerves
began to consume him and his positive thoughts. Guards that were
dressed in all white body suits and helmets surrounded each
corner of the Regions center. The President insisted that
everything go accordingly and flawlessly as citizens initiated
their tests. The test was put into law to guarantee civility
within each planet. Certain personality types were put on
different planets so there were no further disagreements between
members of the 100 planets. Grayson wasn’t particularly worried
about his results, as he believed that he had very similar
personality traits and thoughts as his wife did.
Annie sat at home with nothing to do but think of her and
Grayson’s future. Feelings of doubt, curiosity and hope began to
take over her body all at once. Hours went by as Annie sat
lifeless, twiddling her thumbs. At last, Grayson arrived back
home with anticipation driven in his smile. He ran towards Annie
and greeted her with a hug and kiss. The couple had a feeling of
reassurance within their hug, they couldn’t imagine being torn
apart for the rest of their lives. Grayson was looking forward
to receiving his test results, which would appear in just
twenty-four hours. The couple wanted to only have positive
thoughts, so they imagined what life would be like on planet 53.
They hoped it would be warm and sunny, full of beautiful flowers
and trees. They talked about having children and raising them on
planet 53, hoping their child would live a normal life while
having other children to play with. The citizens were given no
knowledge of the 100 planets; they only knew that they were
suitable for human life. This was yet another reason why the
President was bigoted. He could care less about the people in
the world. The President was very narrow-minded, only thinking
about his well-being and fortune.
Twenty-four hours had barely passed when Grayson’s results were
hand delivered to his apartment by a guard member. Grayson took
a deep breath while Annie closed her eyes and crossed her
fingers. Grayson advanced and ripped open the results that
revealed his planet. The couple knew their chances were slim,
one in one hundred to be exact, but continued to stay
optimistic. This was a prime moment in their life that would
never be altered. Grayson exposed his results and immediately
crumbled up the letter and started to weep. Annie didn’t even
need to ask, she could tell from his reaction that he was not
assigned to planet number 53. She had never seen Grayson cry
before and attempted to comfort him and they cried together.
Grayson was assigned to planet 63 thinking there must be some
sort of mistake. He thought he had matched every answer the same
as Annie’s, but just one different response could change his
assigned planet, as it did.
This event created even more rage within Grayson against the
President and the current world system. The year’s deportation
day was only one month away, and was known as The Expulsion.
Grayson and Annie both quit their jobs in order to spend their
last month with one another. They loved every waking moment they
spent together, but dreaded it at the same time knowing it would
be one of their last together. As the two started packing for
their lives on separate planets, the weeks began to fly by like
they never had before. Grayson knew he wasn’t going to let the
President get away with this yet another year. This corrupt
system was tearing families and loved ones apart, creating
unfair results. Ever since Grayson received his results, he had
been creating a plan to join his wife on planet 53. He was
willing to risk getting imprisoned or even executed to be with
his wife forever. To Grayson, being without his wife on planet
63 would be just as bad as spending life in jail or dying.
During The Expulsion, Grayson planned on sneaking into Annie’s
line at the very last moment. He wasn’t planning on informing
Annie of his plans, because she probably wouldn’t allow it,
thinking he would be caught.
Time flew by, as it was already the eve of The Expulsion.
Grayson was praying for the best, but prepared for the worse.
Neither Grayson nor Annie gained any sleep that night, as
negative thoughts emerged inside their heads. They weren’t
prepared to say goodbye for potentially forever, it would be the
hardest thing that either of them would ever have to do within
their lives. Grayson and Annie gathered all of their belongings
and started for Region 6’s center. Each Region within the world
had Expulsion day today, only those who were 25 were allowed to
attend. They checked in with the guards, showing their assigned
planet numbers and went to their respected lines setting down
their belongings. There were thousands of people waiting in
line, crying and saying goodbye to their loved ones. Each line
led to a large, platinum space shuttle with large, bright
numbers indicating which planet it was traveling to.
Grayson and Annie said their final goodbyes and were forced
from their long and tight hug. They gave each other three small
kisses and said I love you one last time. They waited in their
respected lines with their eyes locked on one another. Grayson
finally broke their gaze as he frantically looked around,
searching for the perfect moment to make his move. The shuttles
were getting fuller and the lines shorter, but Grayson found the
perfect moment. Annie was already on her shuttle that was
labeled 53. A women just a few feet in front of him, was
struggling with her luggage, as it was much too heavy. A few
surrounding guards jumped to help the woman, and Grayson
couldn’t help but think that this was the perfect distraction.
He secretly bolted to shuttle line 53. He peered around,
attempting not to create a scene. He noticed that a couple
people were giving him odd looks, but didn’t say anything. His
plan was going to work! He was so excited to see Annie’s face
when she realizes what had just happened.
Grayson was the last man in line. He stepped up on to the space
shuttles ledge, took a deep breath thanking God for the
opportunity he was presented with. His eyes moved side to side
searching for Annie and finally found her, tears were streaming
down her face. Grayson didn’t want to make a fuss but managed to
get Annie’s attention. Her eyes lit up like fireworks exploding
in the sky. She had to blink a few times to ensure she wasn’t
dreaming. She couldn’t believe the risk he was willing to take
just to be with her, solidifying their strong and unbreakable
love from one another. They did not sit next to one another, but
both sat by the window. The passengers on the shuttle were all
on a one-way trip to their new home and life. Grayson was eager
to see what his new life would consist of, but wasn’t ready to
say goodbye to his home, Earth. He could only imagine how much
worse the pollution would get if no one steps in to help.
Grayson felt guilty for giving up and escaping the real world,
but it wasn’t his choice to make, this is how the President
wanted to world to be.
Hundreds of Region 6 citizens were crowded into the planet 53
space shuttle. They were informed that it would take only 48
hours to reach their planet. Grayson gazed at the Earth one last
time, promising to never forget its true potential. He hoped
that someday all of Earth’s issues would be solved once and for
all and that everyone could return back home. In the worst of
situations, Grayson was delighted to spend it with his one true
love, Annie. Grayson was exhausted, as he didn’t get any sleep
the night before, and slept until the shuttle landed. As each
and every person from the shuttle was emptied, everyone become
overwhelmed with the clean, fresh and clear air that the planet
held. Grayson was finally able to breathe without a mask
filtering his every breath. He was finally united with Annie,
knowing their love would outstand any unforeseen circumstances.
The planet was large, beautiful and seemed to have a lot of
potential for the new civilians. What seemed to be thousands of
people, gathered around the space shuttle to greet the new
members of planet 53. The shuttle took off immediately once
everyone was out. The new members of the planet were huddled by
pervious members welcoming one another. No one on this planet
carried a job; instead, small groups were formed to build new
homes for the incoming members at the conclusion of each year.
Grayson and Annie held each other’s hands tightly while they
were being ushered to their new home. All of the houses looked
identical, but their home was labeled 2412. They were finally
alone in their new home and Annie thanked Grayson for risking
his life just to be with her. They began roaming around the
house, when all of a sudden they heard a panting noise that
seemed near. Annie became frightened and startled when this
object jumped onto her, nearly pushing her down. She closed her
eyes and began screaming. The next-door neighbors heard her and
rushed over. They grabbed the object off of Annie and revealed
that the object was just licking her, attempting to show
affection and welcome her home. Annie felt awful when she
noticed it was just an innocent alien like dog. This alien like
animal had three antennas sprouting from its head and was all
light purple. It was unlike anything they had ever seen before,
but welcomed it with open arms. These aliens were original
citizens of planet 53 and each household owned one.
All of the new members of planet 53 were invited to a large
dinner to discuss regulations and rules of the planet. On their
way to dinner, Annie and Grayson started to notice that each
alien was of a different color. Everyone seemed incredibly nice
but professed how much they missed their lives back on earth.
There weren’t many rules on their planet, only one being that
the new members must build a single home for next year’s
incoming citizens. After returning from dinner, Grayson and
Annie were excited to take breaks from work and to only focus on
one task. They thoroughly enjoyed their first days of creating a
new home, it was a new experience and were glad to be learning
new things. Weeks went by, as they were beginning to adjust to
life on planet 53. To their surprise, it wasn’t much different
than Earth. They looked very similar with lakes and rivers, but
everything was flawless, clean and clear. They had never
imagined a world like this, working outside without masks,
breathing in such pure air. They couldn’t imagine how different
this experience would have been without one another.
Weeks went by and Grayson found himself becoming very bored.
Everyone did the same thing each day; wake up, go and work on
their house, go home, eat dinner, go to bed, and repeat. There
were no fun activities to do. No restaurants, movie theaters,
malls, parks or events. Grayson missed those aspects he had on
Earth that he once had taken for granted. He expressed his
feelings to Annie and she couldn’t help but agree. She always
daydreamed about what life was like back on Earth. More weeks
passed by and Grayson observed that everyone else seemed
completely content with the situation. He didn’t want to live
the rest of his life being bored. Grayson had faith in Earth and
the people, believing that if everyone pitched in the world
could be a much cleaner and enjoyable place. Each night Grayson
had dreams of returning to Earth and cleaning the lakes, rivers,
oceans and air. He began talking to neighbors around him, of
their thoughts on Earth and if they had missed it just as much
as he and Annie do. Each person he talked to expressed that they
missed it terribly, but had no way to return so they were making
their best attempt to enjoy their new lives. Grayson decided to
do the same for the time being because they truly had no other
options. Everyone on planet 53 were like robots, doing the same
things each and every day.
Six months had passed Grayson was becoming depressed. He had
absolutely nothing to look forward to. He wanted to be back on
Earth and save it. The first member meeting was this afternoon,
and Grayson was curious as to what it would be like. During the
meeting an older woman asked the public if they had any
questions or concerns and Grayson marched up onto the stage.
Annie’s eyes got wide and she was speechless. Grayson had no
idea what encouraged him to make this move, but he had fire in
his eyes. He nervously began speaking out to the public,
expressing his boredom and hate for the President’s decision to
send them all away from their lives and families. He told
everyone that he dreamed of returning home and fixing the Earth.
People began cheering and smiles sprouted upon their faces.
Grayson proposed that they create a plan to return to Earth’s on
the next years Expulsion. He asked everyone to raise their hand
if they would join this revolution. Annie’s hand was the first
to go up. All but a few people raised their hands, agreeing to
create a revolution against the President.
There was six more months until the next wave of members were
shuttled in, leaving the members of planet 53 plenty of time to
prepare for action. Grayson arose as the leader of this
revolution, as it was entirely his plan. Many suggestions were
given and etched into the plan while many were turned down.
*Really struggling to finish the end, suggestions would be
awesome!
#Post#: 341--------------------------------------------------
Re: Kiersten's 1st Draft Fantasy
By: mcevill7 Date: February 16, 2014, 3:39 pm
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I really like where this story is going, it is a good look into
what our future could possibly be like. Try and show more then
tell, a lot of times you just told us what Greyson was doing and
feeling. Try and describe why he was feeling the way he was. I
liked how Greyson and his wife ended up on different planets, I
did have a few questions, how far are the planets from each
other? Will he never see his wife again?
A suggestion for the ending would maybe be to have Greyson come
up with a way to fix the pollution, could they take the
pollution from their planet and put it on another? what
consequences would this have? Or maybe the president really has
had a solution for all the pollution all along but hasn't used
it for some reason. Just some ideas to help you with your
ending:)
Overall this is a good story that is very creative, just really
make sure you aren't telling the reader everything Greyson does,
get inside his head a little more.
~Taylor M
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