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       #Post#: 10--------------------------------------------------
       Identifying Emotions
   DIR By: Emotional Anorectics Anon
       Date: April 10, 2021, 12:11 am
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       I often have difficulty identifying emotions.  I attribute this
       to the fact that I spend most of my day feeling nothing or not
       recognizing that I'm feeling.   I recognize physical
       sensations--sight, sound, touch, etc--but the emotional side of
       life is mostly unknown to me.
       In junior high and high school I converted most emotions to
       erotic feeling as a coping mechanism.  I didn't want to feel sad
       so I felt like having sex--didn't want to feel anxiety so =>
       sex.  If I was feeling angry then I might let that one stay.
       Anger is one of the few culturally acceptable emotions for males
       and it often gives a sense of control.  I was rarely out of
       control angry.  I think carefully before punching a wall or
       destroying something and generally stop myself.
       The point I am making is that all emotions felt like sex to the
       point that I beleived myself to be a sex addict.  I probably
       still believe this but it is not as helpful as the realization
       that sex was a coping mechanism to manage emotions.
       Something interesting happened as I worked through the 'sex
       addiction'.  As I stopped converting all emotions to
       erotica--but especially after losing someone to suicide--I
       noticed that all emotions felt like grief.  Any time I felt
       anxiety I cried.  Any time I remember feeling happy I
       cried--strong sense of significance => tears.  Anger => tears.
       Any time a feeling surfaces I start to tear up.
       My emotional menu is still pretty small:
       * anger
       * lust
       * sadness
       * happy
       * frustration
       * anxiety
       I don't want to feel and it is hard work to let them surface and
       even harder to identify new emotions.  In theory professionals
       could help but that has not proved  to be very effective. I'm
       pretty self aware and have to do the work of identifying even if
       I'm talking to someone else so I'll just keep doing the work.
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