DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Dragons Visual Novel
HTML https://dragonvn.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Scripting
*****************************************************
#Post#: 507--------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1 Script Revisions
By: Sammeusnhsine Date: July 20, 2014, 6:42 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
This is where we will discuss revisions to the Script.
I made this topic so that way the Script Developers can move on
in creating the Script.
#Post#: 550--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 Script Revisions
By: Sammeusnhsine Date: July 20, 2014, 7:46 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Alright guys here are some revisions I've made to the script
tell me what you think so far, and if you like it or not. It's
mostly just a few lines added in here and there, and some words
rearranged to make it flow more smoothly. ^-^
key:
Normal = Speech
Bold = Thoughts (remember that thoughts will also be done in any
idiolects the character has)
Italic = Setting and various 'stage' directions
Bold and Italic = Characters
Descriptions of what's happening
Backdrop - Plain black screen. Only text box containing thoughts
Kyaoran: "Ugh, my head hurts. It feels as though it's been
split in two. I don't get it, I only took a shortcut through the
park.
Backdrop - Forest
Kyaoran: "Wait... Where am I? This isn't the park! I remember
getting dizzy... and then I fell... But where is...
Vivian appears, screen center
??? (Vivian): Hmmm...
There was a strange girl crouched down by me, she appeared to be
looking me over.
Kyaoran: Why is this girl so close to me... and who is she?
[I]Vivian moves to the right, Adonise on the left.[/I]
I noticed another girl standing off to the side.
??? (Adonise):[/i] I told you he wasn't dead.[/b]
??? (v) : Hmmmm...[/b]
The girl's hand extended towards me trying to feel my face.
[I]Kyaoran:[/I] Hey, don't touch me.
I try to pull away, but then I feel a jolt of pain from my leg.
[I]Kyaoran:[/I] Gaaah!
??? (a): You know you really shouldn't move when your
injured.[/b]
I look to the girl who spoke (I'm going to edit this line again
when I have a more clear Visual of Adonise.)
Kyaoran:I don't understand what's happening!
Kyaoran: What the hell is going on!? Where am I, and who the
hell are you people?!
Ila appears
Another girl suddenly steps forward , with a bow strapped to
her back..
??? (Ila) Why don't you just calm down, and let us explain!
Kyaoran Calm down? Calm down? How am I supposed to calm down,
when I wake up from being unconscious , and find myself
surrounded by three strange girls!
The girl with the bow narrowed her eyes and stepped towards me,
but the other girl stopped her from getting any closer.
??? (A] Ila... You aren't helping anything...
#Post#: 552--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 Script Revisions
By: gracedragon Date: July 20, 2014, 7:48 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
That looks awesome
At one point I thought you were making shit go down (excuse my
Norse there)
You've done a better job than I could have!
#Post#: 654--------------------------------------------------
Re: Chapter 1 Script Revisions
By: Sammeusnhsine Date: July 21, 2014, 6:10 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Alright guys here is some more of the revised part of the
current script.
Tell me what you think ^-^
Also I substituted in the word Monster for the name of the
creatures that will appear. I'll replace it with the creatures
name once I know what they are going to be called.
I think some of the coding got messedup so I am going to put a *
by all the thoughts.
The girl called Ila looked at her companion, and sighed placing
her hand on the girls shoulder.
Ila: Your right Adonise, I'm sorry. I'll try to control my
temper.
[I]Adonise:[/I]It's alright, there's no need to apologize.
Ila turned her gaze back to me.
Ila You better come with us, if you don't want to be monster
chow.
[I]Kyaoran[/I]:* Wait what! Monster chow... what the heck is a
monster?
[I]Kyaoran[/I] What are you talking about?
She was about to say something, but then the other girl stood
up and interjected.
[/I]???(V)[/I] How about we try not to freak him out more.
[I]Ila[/I] What are you talking about Vivian? He'll be fine as
long as we're around.
[I]Vivian Yes, but even so I don't think it would be a good idea
to send him into even more of a panic. Though it would be quite
amusing to watch.
The two continued back and forth like that, until the girl they
called Adonise stepped between them.
(A) Um maybe I should talk to him.
[I](I)[/I] What why?
[b][I](A)[/I] Because I don't think you guys know how to handle
this kind of situation.
Adonise then came over and sat down beside me.
[I]([/I] I apologize about my compatriots behavior, they may
seem a bit strange, but they mean well.
[I]k[/I] Oh no it's not a problem, you don't have to apologize
to me.
[I](k[/I] *Well at least this girl seems normal, and she's
actually kind of cute. Wait a minute now is not the time to be
thinking about that, I have to figure out where I am, and who
these people are.
[I](A)[/I]Um are you okay? You were just mumbling to yourself.
[I](K)[/I]Huh oh yeah, I'm fine.
[I](K)[/I]* Well that was embarrassing, I can't believe I was
talking to myself in front of a girl.
[I](A)[/I] *giggle* Okay I was just making sure, but anyways
allow me to introduce ourselves. I am Adonise Baudouin, the girl
with the bow is Ila Lansdeck, and that girl there is Vivian. We
were sent here to retrieve you by the Oracle, she wishes to
speak with you.
[I](K)[/I] Wait a minute, hold on I have some questions?
[I](A)[/I] I'm sorry, I wish I could tell you more, but we were
told to-.
Ila cut her off
[I](I)[/I] Hey you two if we stay here any longer it will be
dangerous, so lets get a move on.
[I](A)[/I] I'm sorry, we have to move, but if you come with us I
promise you, that you'll get some answers to your questions.
[I](K)[/I]* I guess I don't have any other choice.
[I](k)[/I] I'll come with you.
*****************************************************