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#Post#: 24--------------------------------------------------
Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory language
from others
DIR By: VicTS
Date: May 16, 2018, 7:06 am
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I have always found it hard to challenge derogatory language in
others, whether it was read or heard. My father was very
typically derogatory about Asian Muslims, which I understood as
scapegoating from him. He worked in the Middle East for a 30
years and was surrounded by Asian workers, he would have failed
in the job if he had been constantly derogatory. He did it when
he was scared, so I felt this and did not challenge.
However, I feel this insight into why he was derogatory held me
back from challenging and fear of upsetting others, I felt very
confused by these remarks.
When I do come accross them I judge the person to be very
unintelligent and lacking in basic humanity.
I always knew in my head I wanted to challenge but only recently
did. A close relative was using racist language and stereotypes
and I challenged and asked her to not talk like that in my
presence.
I wonder if I has more courage because of the Equality Act and
that we talk more about it being wrong, I feel extremely
uncomfortable, inside and out.
My children go to a diverse school and I am aware that some of
their friends' parents chose this school because it has more
white than others in the area. I avoid these parents and if I
have ever challenged am met with passive aggressive responses.
I chose to not reveal how I felt and became silent, not agreeing
but also not disagreeing, which makes me feel bad.
People are often silent about these belief until they feel they
have allies, they only usually become derogatory when with
family or being drunk and violent, so I would be very cautious
to challenge these. In Burma there has been a situation with
Muslim people being attacked by Buddhist Monks. Something I
find hard to digest. The Monks have been exposed to hate
material, but as soon as I was aware of this I assumed that they
are unintelligent.
I know it is more complicated than this, but I react in a
frightened way, at the moment.
#Post#: 27--------------------------------------------------
Re: Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory
language from others
DIR By: Slavka
Date: May 16, 2018, 12:47 pm
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I'm a foreigner who's been living here for 18 years (and I've
gone pretty much native, my Scottish accent really confuses
people) so I've had my share of derogatory language from others.
Having been on the receiving end, I have to issues challenging
this and I often have done.
Recently with my own family; who still live in Slovakia. There
was a lot of bad media press about 'illegal immigrants' from
Syria etc. and some of the language used was shocking. Bear in
mind, it was a closed country for almost 40 years because of
communism and even seeing someone with a different skin color
was pretty unusual (mostly on the TV); the only ones would be
Romany Gypsies. So when the borders opened after 1989, it was a
shock to the population. Most foreigners that came were
Vietnamese and Chinese and people would of course make nick
names for them. Seeing a black person was a rarity. However, one
guy moved from Mali to study there and he essentially became a
Slovak celebrity, he learned the language and became a popular
TV entertainer, even got a Slovak passport. His skin color was a
rarity and he was clever enough to use it to his advantage. It
was great to see because people warmed to him and he probably
became a 'representative' of the black people in there. Which
even now, there aren't many. I am sure he'd have to put up with
his own share of the racist/derogatory language. It is often a
question of ignorance. But sometimes it is not. I have to issues
addressing it.
Some 25 years ago my sister's schoolmate married a black guy and
they had a child. It was a pity because people would be pointing
at them. Again, some would only see a black person on the TV. In
the hindsight, it was quite sad.
I guess I was lucky as I moved to London aged 18 and was thrown
into a completely different world that opened my eyes and
horizons.
#Post#: 33--------------------------------------------------
Re: Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory
language from others
DIR By: Diversity Tutor
Date: May 17, 2018, 2:22 am
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Hi Both
It is tricky because a Rogerian style means you do not
challenge. However if someone makes a racist comment what do you
do? Will the person take any notice if you challenge them? Can
you openly challenge them without putting yourself at risk?
Tutor
#Post#: 34--------------------------------------------------
Re: Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory
language from others
DIR By: VicTS
Date: May 17, 2018, 3:58 am
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Yes, I feel the risk could be great, however thinking further if
a client used this language in a session I would be questioning
what was happening and why they thought it was acceptable. I
may also have to consider withdrawing services, it would make me
feel very uncomfortable, which is a way I could introduce it
into the session :)
#Post#: 41--------------------------------------------------
Re: Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory
language from others
DIR By: Slavka
Date: May 18, 2018, 3:47 am
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I agree with Vic on this.
I would explore why they felt the need to speak like that,
whether racist, homophobic etc. and if I felt it was for the
best, I would cease the therapy.
I think it's about striking a balance. Yes, the Rogerian way is
non-confrontational but if people do not confront their
prejudices etc. will they ever change? Here I side with Fritz
Perls, a confrontation can be a good thing. It can also bring
cognitive dissonances to the fore so they can be looked at. I
never forget watching Perls confronting a young lady at a
session. I think it's still available on YouTube. As much as I
like Rogers, I feel it can sometimes take client only so far. I
think that's why I sometimes get people referred to me from
counsellors. Or people who had counselling seek me out because
they feel they need something else. It happens quite often
actually. I work integratively.
I've recently had a client who was very homophobic. I was
actually raging when he left the session because I couldn't
quite believe what he way saying.
I brought it to my supervision and then we talked about it in
the next session we had because I didn't feel I could just let
it go. We've had a few sessions together but the therapy
finished not because of his homophobia. He actually went to
sleep every time we did a trancework and he expected me to talk
to him whilst he was "out" (he'd snore and literally not
remember anything I was saying to him and he wanted it this way)
and his issues would magically disappear. He's been going to
different hypnotherapists for 20 years and still had the same
issues. Actually not wanting to accept responsibility and have
an active participation in therapy but expecting to be 'fixed'.
I discussed this at length at my supervision.
We don't take to homophobia and racism lightly in our household.
My husband has a brilliant retort when someone says that
'sexuality is a choice so they choose to be gay'. He'd ask
'could YOU make that choice?'. They are usually baffled and say
of course not! So then, if YOU can't make that choice, what
makes you think THEY can?
#Post#: 62--------------------------------------------------
Re: Post suggestions of how you would react to derogatory
language from others
DIR By: Diversity Tutor
Date: May 25, 2018, 12:54 am
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Hi Slavka
I like your husband's challenge !
Tutor
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