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#Post#: 2915--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: Amaris Date: April 12, 2018, 2:38 pm
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She would return each night to teach him before he slept, she
would find new ways to help him regain fine use of this hands,
she would feed when they were done and she would go. Everything
else hurt. She took her stance before the dummy then began her
routine while her mind went on it's own journey..
She did not know how to love him differently..just as he did not
know how to love her differently than he does...so they would
both do what they could to protect themselves from the other.
She had done a horrible thing to him ... said things to him that
never should have been said when the lines between reality and
her fantasy were so blurry...words that were half for him, but
half for what he appeared to be....what she wished he was. She
built a alter of beautiful lies for herself and used him as the
sacrificial lamb. She hated herself for it, but there was
nothing to ever change it or make it better. These thoughts and
more made a loop in her mind...repeating endlessly...
She was shocked to suddenly find herself on the ground under
Deimos with Phobos holding her sword hand down. The dummy was a
pile of straw mixed with the churned up earth where it used to
sit. Her throat burned from the scream that was still pouring
from her only slightly quieted by the fur and flesh holding her
down
#Post#: 2917--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: earthdawn66 Date: April 12, 2018, 2:48 pm
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*Andrea came out wearing only a Night shirt seeing the two Pups*
Hello Boys. . .
*she came to Amaris*
what can i do to help. . . you seem to be at a loss
*she was calming if anything at all*
#Post#: 2924--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: Amaris Date: April 12, 2018, 3:36 pm
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She silenced herself at the sound of Andrea's voice. Patting
Deimos' side she urged him to move and he did, but perhaps with
a bit of reservation...Phobos released her arm from his jaws,
but laid his head across it to keep her from picking the sword
up. She loosened her grip on the hilt and let it fall from her
grasp before he would allow her arm to move. She sat up and
cursed a long string of vulgarities in Romanian before answering
Andrea.
"I am sorry for disturbing your sleep..or personal time..I
didn't realize I was making so much noise. It seems I am not as
strong a I had thought I would be. I let my thoughts run wild
after speaking with Gavri'el tonight. I did not handle it well."
She rolled up from her position in the dirt and knocked off some
of the straw covering her. before looking at Andrea
"I cannot live like this with him ... or with him as he is
now...''
She told her the loop of thoughts she had been thinking, about
their conversation earlier..and then the thought that had pushed
her over the edge poured out of her before her lips could
contain it..'
"... I think I may end him tomorrow. At least he would be free
of me."
#Post#: 2926--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: earthdawn66 Date: April 12, 2018, 3:53 pm
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what is it you wish that he was never created? or that you could
simply walk away and not have this pain anymore?
*she asked softly as she was kneeing before Amaris*
#Post#: 2929--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: Amaris Date: April 12, 2018, 4:20 pm
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Her unblinking eye caught on Andrea's
"Neither ... I am a spoiled petulant child who wants him to love
me, and Thomas to love me, and you, and Aylin, and Mikhail, and
Natalya ....anyone who would love me...but I am the least worthy
of being loved and deserve none of it...and all of the pain. So
I will return tomorrow and face him again, and let the knowledge
of what I have done tear me apart again while his words say one
thing and his actions say another. I.. I suppose I will continue
this self flagellation until he finds someone who loves him as
he deserves and forgets I existed...and I become the dead inside
monster I keep trying to hold inside me because....love.."
She smiled, tight lipped and clenched jawed, before bending to
kiss Andrea's cheek.
"I don't deserve to to be free of this ... if I am I will
forget...if I forget, I will only repeat this .... or something
worse."
#Post#: 2931--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: earthdawn66 Date: April 12, 2018, 4:35 pm
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May I do one thing to help?
* Looking into!
her eyes head tilted slightly*
#Post#: 2932--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: Amaris Date: April 12, 2018, 5:10 pm
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She shook her head
"No. I am going home... go back to your bed ... I apologize for
causing you to lose sleep- time- personal time...Goodnight
Andrea."
She turned and picked up the sword, sheathing it before
strapping the belt across her body. The dummy was in ruins and
she would have to buy another, but right now it didn't matter.
She called the boys to her and ran her hands over their fur,
then her hair, changing it to match theirs even as her skin
darkened. She turned at the gate to look back at her household
... she wondered if it would ever feel like home again.
#Post#: 2935--------------------------------------------------
Re: New rules
By: earthdawn66 Date: April 12, 2018, 5:50 pm
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Its been less than a 2 months since you have arrived . . and
your world has ben turned upside down. . . and you are driving
your self into an early grave with all you are and wanting got
achieve. . . Step back and let life catch up to you. . . Please
*she watched her head out*
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