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#Post#: 32466--------------------------------------------------
Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: HunsingerTheLearner Date: September 29, 2015, 6:47 pm
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The first thing that you're probably wondering is why there is
another Bob. Actually it's not Bob, it's Robert. Bob is just his
nickname. Also, the inspiration came from an old tennis ball
that had a 1-2 inch (3-6 cm) slit appear in it from wear and
tear. I was playing tennis with some other kids when we noticed,
and so we dubbed it "Bob" (the vote was unanimous), and so Bob
the Tennis Ball was born.
It is a common misunderstanding that when tennis balls
come in contact with tennis rackets, the direction of the tennis
ball depends on which direction the tennis racket faces, the
speed it is moving, etc., but this is not so. In fact, it is
nothing of the sort. It is much more complex. The direction and
speed a tennis ball will go is dependent on many factors that
normal human beings would never believe if I told them, but you
are not normal human beings, so you may understand some of the
more significant factors. These are the class of the tennis ball
itself and the tennis rackets, and the attitude of the rackets.
I will start with the classes. When humans watch other
'professional' humans play tennis on the thing they like to call
'TV', they incorrectly deduce that the reason the humans on 'TV'
are better than the watchers are is because they have practiced
a lot, have natural talent, etc. My friends, this is not so. The
reason that these so called 'professionals' play so well has
nothing to do with them, but with their tennis balls and
rackets. Anyone can become a great tennis player if only they
have these things. You may be wondering, "How is this?", so I
will tell you. The direction of a tennis ball that has met a
racket (no, not 'hit' as most abominable humans dare to say)
depends on how the meeting goes. If the meeting turns out well,
the tennis ball will immediately go toward the other racket in
as little time as possible to meet with it too. To clarify
things a little, I should say that all tennis balls are male and
all rackets, female. Since the males are always trying to run
after the females, it makes sense that the tennis balls would
want to talk with them as much as possible. The higher the class
of the tennis ball and racket, the better their conversations
go, and the more likely that the tennis ball will want to talk
to the other racket post-haste. Unfortunately, after a bunch of
bouncing around from one side of the court to the other, the
tennis ball starts to get dizzy, and will sometimes miscalculate
his bounce and fly past the racket completely. This is why the
human players have to help move the rackets to the tennis balls,
since the poor rackets cannot move on their own. Also, the
majority of the male race (except for a few higher classes, one
of which I am a humble member) are a bit drunk, making them
prone to changing course even while in mid-bounce.
I shall now speak on the subject of attitudes. The
attitude of the females dictates the speed of the ball on its
journey towards the other racket after its conversation with the
first one. While it is true that normally the males try to get
to the females as soon as possible, the attitudes of the females
can change the ball's speed dramatically. If the attitude of the
female is that of sweetness, gentleness, and caring, the ball is
usually going to be eager to get to the other to see if she can
do any better. Of course, this can also make the ball slow down,
either because he is having second thoughts, or because he is so
love-struck that he is not thinking straight, which can lead to
curves. On the other hand, if the female is bitter, spiteful,
and just plain nasty (which is more likely to happen later in
the game, since both sides soon tire of it) the ball is likely
to leave the court entirely, fearing for his life. You may
wonder why this is, since the females cannot move on their own.
This is because most males have a very short memory span, and
soon forget things. This is also why they go back and forth,
since while they remember that there is a female on the other
side of the net, they do not remember what she was like,
therefore she becomes interesting again.
I shall now speak on the subject of nets, but first let
me spit on the ground because of those horrible things. All
balls fear nets, as should all living creatures of any kind, for
reasons that everyone knows. The only reason a ball will ever,
ever go toward a net is if he is too drunk, or love-struck, to
notice anything around him or if a female has frightened him so
much that even the net seems safer than her. But, even when it
does happen, a ball will always jump away from the net as quick
as possible, no matter how drunk, love-struck, or scared he is.
Once, in rare occasions, a ball will react too slowly (it is
still uncertain why) and the net will catch hold of him and not
let go until a human being pulls the unfortunate ball from its
grasp. It is not in vain though, when a ball is caught by the
net, for he learns a valuable lesson that day and does not
repeat that error ever again, or at least not until he forgets
it. This is all I will teach for today, as I am needing rest for
my tennis eyes. Farewell, my friends, I hope that we might meet
again,
[right][font=comic sans ms]Bob (Robert) the Tennis
Ball[/font][/right]
Not: I may or may not write more to this, depending on whether
there are other things that need to be "explained", so if you
could think of things that happen in tennis that I have not
addressed, please tell me so that I may explain them.
#Post#: 32469--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: GRACETHEDUCK Date: September 29, 2015, 7:26 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I like this. It's an interesting theory, and I love reading
theories. Fun!
#Post#: 32502--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: TheCyclonicStorm Date: September 29, 2015, 11:24 pm
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Very insightful. It's always nice to see a fanciful story about
everyday items, that, with the right way of thinking, could be
true.
However, I'd like to share my first thoughts about the story . .
.
"Rackets? Rackets? If I had a good tennis racquet with me, I'd
send it to Kazahkstan on a plane! Hopefully, the plane would
crash before it got there so that the tennis racquet inside
would fall out and impale you! Impaled with a racquet"
#Post#: 32510--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: Tux Date: September 30, 2015, 1:45 am
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You just changed my perception of tennis forever. Now the
Australian open seems like a love show.
#Post#: 32519--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: HunsingerTheLearner Date: September 30, 2015, 6:03 am
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[quote author=GRACETHEDUCK link=topic=199.msg32469#msg32469
date=1443572806]
I like this. It's an interesting theory, and I love reading
theories. Fun!
[/quote]
Thanks.
'Tisn't a theory. 'Tis the Truth.
[quote author=TheCyclonicStorm link=topic=199.msg32502#msg32502
date=1443587066]
Very insightful. It's always nice to see a fanciful story about
everyday items, that, with the right way of thinking, could be
true.
However, I'd like to share my first thoughts about the story . .
.
"Rackets? Rackets? If I had a good tennis racquet with me, I'd
send it to Kazahkstan on a plane! Hopefully, the plane would
crash before it got there so that the tennis racquet inside
would fall out and impale you! Impaled with a racquet"
[/quote]
Thank you.
Two problems with that. 1. I live in Kyrgyzstan, but I'll let
that slide. 2. From Wikipedia: Racket is the standard spelling
of the word. Racquet is an alternative spelling used more
commonly in certain sports (squash, racquetball, badminton) and
less commonly in others (tennis). Racket is the preferred
spelling in tennis.
[quote author=Crown Prince Paladin Tux
link=topic=199.msg32510#msg32510 date=1443595556]
You just changed my perception of tennis forever. Now the
Australian open seems like a love show.
[/quote]
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
#Post#: 32520--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: Voidstorm Date: September 30, 2015, 6:11 am
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Aha! I knew there was a perfectly plausible reason why I sucked
at tennis. Now I can explain to all that the reason I play
tennis so badly is the lack of favourable romantic chemistry
between the ball and the rackets.
#Post#: 32522--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: TheCyclonicStorm Date: September 30, 2015, 6:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Hunsinger The Matist
link=topic=199.msg32519#msg32519 date=1443611020]
[quote author=GRACETHEDUCK link=topic=199.msg32469#msg32469
date=1443572806]
I like this. It's an interesting theory, and I love reading
theories. Fun!
[/quote]
Thanks.
'Tisn't a theory. 'Tis the Truth.
[quote author=TheCyclonicStorm link=topic=199.msg32502#msg32502
date=1443587066]
Very insightful. It's always nice to see a fanciful story about
everyday items, that, with the right way of thinking, could be
true.
However, I'd like to share my first thoughts about the story . .
.
"Rackets? Rackets? If I had a good tennis racquet with me, I'd
send it to Kazahkstan on a plane! Hopefully, the plane would
crash before it got there so that the tennis racquet inside
would fall out and impale you! Impaled with a racquet"
[/quote]
Thank you.
Two problems with that. 1. I live in Kyrgyzstan, but I'll let
that slide. 2. From Wikipedia: Racket is the standard spelling
of the word. Racquet is an alternative spelling used more
commonly in certain sports (squash, racquetball, badminton) and
less commonly in others (tennis). Racket is the preferred
spelling in tennis.
[quote author=Crown Prince Paladin Tux
link=topic=199.msg32510#msg32510 date=1443595556]
You just changed my perception of tennis forever. Now the
Australian open seems like a love show.
[/quote]
Is this a good thing or a bad thing?
[/quote]
I know you live in Kyrgyzstan. That's why I said "Hopefully, the
plane would crash before it got there." A plane flying from
Australia to Kazahkstan would be more than likely to pass over
Kyrgyzstan. I know my geography, goddammit!
As for the racquet/racket thing, I have my preferred spelling,
and it deviates from yours. As such, I decided to make a joke.
Shock horror!
#Post#: 32537--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: GRACETHEDUCK Date: September 30, 2015, 6:50 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=Crown Prince Paladin Tux
link=topic=199.msg32510#msg32510 date=1443595556]
You just changed my perception of tennis forever. Now the
Australian open seems like a love show.
[/quote]
Well that's an interesting way of putting it . . .
#Post#: 32544--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: HunsingerTheLearner Date: September 30, 2015, 7:13 am
---------------------------------------------------------
[quote author=TheCyclonicStorm link=topic=199.msg32522#msg32522
date=1443611917]
I know you live in Kyrgyzstan. That's why I said "Hopefully, the
plane would crash before it got there." A plane flying from
Australia to Kazahkstan would be more than likely to pass over
Kyrgyzstan. I know my geography, goddammit!
As for the racquet/racket thing, I have my preferred spelling,
and it deviates from yours. As such, I decided to make a joke.
Shock horror!
[/quote]
A straight line from Melbourne to the capital of Kazakhstan
wouldn't pass over Kyrgyzstan.
Hmm. It seems that I can't detect sarcasm and jokes from you as
well as I can with other people. I'll have to work on that . . .
#Post#: 32556--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bob (Robert) the Tennis Ball
By: Aidan Von Atapas Date: September 30, 2015, 4:24 pm
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What's the relationship like between a baseball and a bat?
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