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#Post#: 29981--------------------------------------------------
The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: K
Date: August 28, 2015, 7:30 am
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[center]The Burning World Anthem
By: K00
In The Burning World the embers burn,
In the lava fields at every turn,
And when the fiery mountains stop,
Layers of fine ash and dust drop.
In spring the starving farmers sow,
Their meagre crops and hope they grow,
The lightest, rarest rain showers fall,
Barely enough to drink at all.
In summer the heat scorches the ground,
And dries the rivers all around,
The devilish earth splits apart,
And the droughts of famine start.
In autumn the last leaves fly,
And all the crops begin to die,
The farmers salvage all that’s left,
The harvest is light and easy to heft.
In winter the ash falls as snow,
And with a hellish, fiendish glow,
The fiery mountains stand strong and tall,
And the fiery brimstone continues to fall.
In The Burning World the embers burn,
In the lava fields at every turn,
And when the fiery mountains stop,
Layers of fine ash and dust drop.[/center]
#Post#: 29990--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: Sandra al-Korinth
Date: August 28, 2015, 8:22 am
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Niiiiice...
#Post#: 30073--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: Neamhain Blackmailer
Date: August 29, 2015, 8:11 pm
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I like it.
I'm not sure if it was intentional, but you might want to
pluralize "farmer".
"The farmer salvage all that’s left"
#Post#: 34452--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: K
Date: October 17, 2015, 8:12 am
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Nice observation, but I think it could work both ways...
#Post#: 34469--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: TheCyclonicStorm
Date: October 17, 2015, 6:09 pm
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--- Quote from: K00 the Sane link ---
>
> Nice observation, but I think it could work both ways...
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with Neamhain. You have to pluralise either "farmer" or
"salvage."
Otherwise, good job. Very . . . Well, not quite haunting, but
something akin to it.
#Post#: 34761--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: Oafish Team
Date: October 21, 2015, 6:43 am
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--- Quote from: TheCyclonicStorm link ---
>
> [quote author=K00 the Sane link=topic=185.msg34452#msg34452
date=1445087535]
> Nice observation, but I think it could work both ways...
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with Neamhain. You have to pluralise either "farmer" or
"salvage."
Otherwise, good job. Very . . . Well, not quite haunting, but
something akin to it.
[/quote]
Gothic?
Eerie?
#Post#: 34765--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: TheCyclonicStorm
Date: October 21, 2015, 10:29 am
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--- Quote from: Karin Oafish Team link ---
>
> [quote author=TheCyclonicStorm
link=topic=185.msg34469#msg34469 date=1445123345]
> [quote author=K00 the Sane link=topic=185.msg34452#msg34452
date=1445087535]
> Nice observation, but I think it could work both ways...
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with Neamhain. You have to pluralise either "farmer" or
"salvage."
Otherwise, good job. Very . . . Well, not quite haunting, but
something akin to it.
[/quote]
Gothic?
Eerie?
[/quote]
Yes, something like that.
#Post#: 34842--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: K
Date: October 22, 2015, 5:48 am
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--- Quote from: TheCyclonicStorm link ---
>
> [quote author=K00 the Sane link=topic=185.msg34452#msg34452
date=1445087535]
> Nice observation, but I think it could work both ways...
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree with Neamhain. You have to pluralise either "farmer" or
"salvage."
Otherwise, good job. Very . . . Well, not quite haunting, but
something akin to it.
[/quote]
Farmer pluralised.
#Post#: 34871--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: Neamhain Blackmailer
Date: October 22, 2015, 7:15 pm
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And now it is even better.
#Post#: 34896--------------------------------------------------
Re: The Burning World Anthem
DIR By: TheCyclonicStorm
Date: October 23, 2015, 12:00 am
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Concurred.
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