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#Post#: 9881--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 16, 2014, 6:43 pm
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Differences Between You And Your Boss
1.When you take a long time, you're slow.
When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
2.When you don't do it, you're lazy.
When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
3.When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
4.When doing something without being told, you're overstepping
your authority.
When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
5.When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
When your boss does it, he's being firm.
6.When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
7.When you please your boss, you're ass-kissing.
When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
8.When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
9.When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
10.When you apply for leave, you must be going for an interview.
When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's overworked.
#Post#: 9995--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Emma
Date: February 17, 2014, 9:59 am
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--- Quote from: Clay Death link ---
>
> Differences Between You And Your Boss
>
> 1.When you take a long time, you're slow.
> When your boss takes a long time, he's thorough.
> 2.When you don't do it, you're lazy.
> When your boss doesn't do it, he's too busy.
> 3.When you make a mistake, you're an idiot.
> When your boss makes a mistake, he's only human.
> 4.When doing something without being told, you're overstepping
your authority.
> When your boss does the same thing, that's initiative.
> 5.When you take a stand, you're being pig-headed.
> When your boss does it, he's being firm.
> 6.When you overlooked a rule of ettiquette, you're being rude.
> When your boss skips a few rules, he's being original.
> 7.When you please your boss, you're ass-kissing.
> When your boss pleases his boss, he's being co-operative.
> 8.When you're out of the office, you're wandering around.
> When your boss is out of the office, he's on business.
> 9.When you're on a day off sick, you're always sick.
> When your boss has a day off sick, he must be very ill.
> 10.When you apply for leave, you must be going for an
interview.
> When your boss applies for leave, it's because he's
overworked.
>
>
>
--- End Quote ---
That is honestly so true. lololol
Good stuff, herc darling. ;D
#Post#: 9998--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 17, 2014, 10:02 am
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thanks emma.
this thread was a superb idea on your part.
one day it will be like one stop shopping for a cool joke.
anybody looking to laugh will find it here.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I will make a contribution and add more jokes here later today.
#Post#: 10072--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 18, 2014, 12:07 am
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--- Quote from: Clay Death link ---
>
> A big city Chicago lawyer went duck hunting in rural
Wisconsin. He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a
farmer's field on the other side of a fence.
>
> As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove
up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.
>
> The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this
field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
>
> The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not
coming over here."
>
> The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial
lawyers in the Chicago, and if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll sue you and take everything that you own.
>
> The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know
how we do things in Wisconsin. We settle small disagreements
like this, with the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule."
>
> The lawyer asked, "What is the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule?"
>
> The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and
then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until
someone gives up."
>
> The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to
abide by the local custom.
>
> The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up
to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy
work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his
knees.
>
> His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.
>
> The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick
to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.
>
> The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get
to his feet and said, "Okay, you old man, now it's my turn."
>
> The old farmer smiled and said,
>
> "Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"
>
--- End Quote ---
That's a good one!
#Post#: 10073--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 18, 2014, 12:09 am
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:) :) :) LOL :) :) :) :)
#Post#: 10074--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 18, 2014, 12:11 am
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--- Quote from: Clay Death link ---
>
> The Requirements Of This Job
>
> Employer: "In this job we need someone who is responsible."
>
> Applicant: "I'm the one you want. On my last job, every time
anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."
>
--- End Quote ---
Love this!
#Post#: 10075--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 18, 2014, 12:15 am
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Those were great, guys.
Thoroughly enjoyed them.
#Post#: 10086--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 18, 2014, 10:19 am
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;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
I will add some more jokes today.
#Post#: 17745--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Emma
Date: November 18, 2014, 7:54 pm
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How about these one liners? Pretty good, no?
- 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.
- Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.
- The last thing I want to do is insult you. But it IS on the
list.
- Time does'nt exist. Clocks exists.
- My mind’s made up, don’t confuse me with facts.
- Talk is cheap. Until you hire a lawyer.
- Take my advice — I'm not using it.
- I would like to slip into something more comfortable - like a
coma.
- I started with nothing, and I still have most of it.
- Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.
- If you are here - who is running hell?
- Treat each day as your last; one day you will be right.
- Isn't it scary that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary
forms.
- Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how popular it
remains?
- All power corrupts. Absolute power is pretty neat, though.
- I want patience - AND I WANT IT NOW!!!!
- Jesus loves you, it's everybody else that thinks you're an
a...
- You have the capacity to learn from your mistakes, and you
will learn a lot today.
- My conscience is clean — I have never used it.
- Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
#Post#: 17825--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: November 24, 2014, 10:24 am
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ha ha ha.
I have loved the one liners.
there was some dude named H.L. Mencken. he was the master of one
liners. we will have to dig up his work and post some of it here
at your place.
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