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#Post#: 9219--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 8, 2014, 7:41 pm
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those jokes were excellent.
I will make a contribution later tonight as well.
#Post#: 9220--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Emma
Date: February 8, 2014, 7:45 pm
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--- Quote from: Clay Death link ---
>
> emma you should consider giving your "jokes" thread a catchy
name like:
>
>
> 1. laughter the perfect medicine
>
> 2. laughter the best therapy
>
> 3. laughter the perfect cure
>
>
>
>
> ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
>
--- End Quote ---
I changed the title of this thread but that might be too long.
Maybe I should go with the ones here as you suggested. let me
know.
#Post#: 9237--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 8, 2014, 9:37 pm
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I like it but here you are the boss.
you have to decide.
I like your title the most.
#Post#: 9609--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 10:11 pm
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One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his
better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how
would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, 'I hereby give
and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests,
rights, claim, title, claim and advantages of and in, said
orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and
all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze
and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and
without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before
or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever
nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise
notwithstanding..."
#Post#: 9610--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 10:13 pm
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A woman and her little girl were visiting the grave of the
little girl's grandmother. On their way through the cemetery
back to the car, the little girl asked, "Mummy, do they ever
bury two people in the same grave?"
"Of course not, dear," replied the mother, "Why would you think
that?"
"The tombstone back there said... 'Here lies a lawyer and an
honest man.'"
#Post#: 9611--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 10:14 pm
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At a convention of biological scientists, one researcher remarks
to another, "Did you know that in our lab we have switched from
mice to lawyers for our experiments?" "Really?" the other
replied, "Why did you switch?" "Well, for three reasons. First
we found that lawyers are far more plentiful, second, the lab
assistants don't get so attached to them, and thirdly there are
some things even a rat won't do."
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
#Post#: 9620--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 11:00 pm
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A big city Chicago lawyer went duck hunting in rural Wisconsin.
He shot and dropped a bird, but it fell into a farmer's field on
the other side of a fence.
As the lawyer climbed over the fence, an elderly farmer drove
up on his tractor and asked the lawyer what he was doing.
The lawyer responded, "I shot a duck and it fell into this
field, and now I'm going to retrieve it."
The old farmer replied. "This is my property, and your not
coming over here."
The indignant lawyer replied. "I'm one of the best trial
lawyers in the Chicago, and if you don't let me get that duck,
I'll sue you and take everything that you own.
The old farmer smiled and said, "Apparently, you don't know how
we do things in Wisconsin. We settle small disagreements like
this, with the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule."
The lawyer asked, "What is the Wisconsin Three Kick Rule?"
The farmer replied, "Well, first I kick you three times and
then you kick me three times, and so on, back and forth until
someone gives up."
The attorney quickly thought about the proposed contest and
decided that he could easily take the old codger. He agreed to
abide by the local custom.
The old farmer slowly gets down from the tractor and walked up
to the city fella. His first kick planted the toe of his heavy
work boot into the lawyer's groin, which dropped him to his
knees.
His second kick nearly ripped the nose off his face.
The lawyer was flat on his belly, when the farmer's third kick
to a kidney nearly causing him to give up, but didn't.
The lawyer summoned every bit of his will and managed to get to
his feet and said, "Okay, you old man, now it's my turn."
The old farmer smiled and said,
"Naw, I give up, You can keep the duck!"
#Post#: 9621--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 11:02 pm
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A lawyer defending a man accused of burglary tried this creative
defense: "My client merely inserted his arm into the window and
removed a few trifling articles. His arm is not himself, and I
fail to see how you can punish the whole individual for an
offence committed by his limb."
"Well put," the judge replied. "Using your logic, I sentence
the defendant's arm to one year's imprisonment. He can accompany
it or not, as he chooses." The defendant smiled. With his
lawyer's assistance he detached his artificial limb, laid it on
the bench, and walked out.
#Post#: 9622--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 13, 2014, 11:06 pm
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A doctor and a lawyer were talking at a party. Their
conversation was constantly interrupted by people describing
their ailments and asking the doctor for free medical advice.
After an hour of this, the exasperated doctor asked the lawyer,
"What do you do to stop people from asking you for legal advice
when you're out of the office?"
"I give it to them," replied the lawyer, "and then I send them
a bill." The doctor was shocked, but agreed to give it a try.
The next day, still feeling slightly guilty, the doctor prepared
the bills. When he went to place them in his mailbox, he found a
bill from the lawyer.
#Post#: 9682--------------------------------------------------
Re: A Day without Laughter is a Day Wasted
DIR By: Emma
Date: February 14, 2014, 2:25 pm
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The lawyers jokes are always great. lol very good stuff, herc.
;D
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