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#Post#: 8843--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 2, 2014, 8:41 pm
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I will be posting a few more tonight before I go to sleep.
stay tuned.
#Post#: 8844--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 2, 2014, 9:27 pm
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A Texas Oil Tycoon and an Alaskan Oil Tycoon were debating on
which state had the most oil. The Alaskan Oil Tycoon said,
"Listen, there is so much oil in Alaska that I could buy enough
gold to build a wall of solid gold 100 feet tall and 100 feet
wide all the way around the state of Texas". The Texas Oil
Tycoon scratched his chin and adjusted his cowboy hat and said,
"Well boy, I'll tell ya what....you just go ahead and build that
wall, and if I like it.......I'll buy it".
#Post#: 8871--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 3, 2014, 12:28 am
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Three guys go in for a job interview, all at the same office.
The first one goes in for his interview and the interviewer
says, "What's the first thing you see when you look at me?" The
guy says, "That's not too hard, you've got no ears." The
interviewer says, "That's it, get out, you'll never be seen
around here again." The second man takes his turn and is asked
the same question. The applicant replies, "Uh, you've got no
ears." The interviewer throws the guy out, cursing and yelling
that he'll never get a job with his company. As he is leaving,
the second guy warns the third guy, "Listen man, whatever you
do, don't say he hasn't got any ears. He's so touchy with the
ear thing." "Okay," said man #3 on his way into the office. Once
inside he is told, "Name the first thing you notice when you
look at me." The guy answers, "That's easy, you wear contacts."
The interviewer was flabbergasted, "How on earth did you know
that, son?" "What? Are you stupid? You can't wear glasses,
you've got no ears!"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
#Post#: 8873--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 3, 2014, 2:29 am
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--- Quote from: Clay Death link ---
>
> jokes are good for health.
>
>
>
> I bet somebody out there has done a study somewhere about
jokes and health.
>
>
>
> ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
>
--- End Quote ---
There have been numerous studies on the health benefits of
laughter. I make sure to get a good belly laugh daily. You can
feel the benefits immediately.
Here's proof. I'm going to put it in Health & Beauty too. People
need to laugh more.
8 Health Benefits of Laughter
•
•
•
Is there anything better than a contagious giggle that you
absolutely can’t control? (Ok, maybe not so good in school or
church.) Laughter works wonderfully well in the moment, but it
also has some surprising long-term health benefits. In the book
A Better Brain at Any Age: The Holistic Way to Improve Your
Memory, Reduce Stress, and Sharpen Your Wits (Conari Press,
2009), author Sondra Kornblatt explores how laughter can truly
make you feel better.
She writes that the new field of gelotology is exploring the
benefits of laughter. It was brought to the public’s awareness
in Norman Cousins’ memoir Anatomy of an Illness. Cousins found
that comedies, like those of the Marx Brothers, helped him feel
better and get some pain-free sleep. That’s because laughter
helps the pituitary gland release its own pain-suppressing
opiates.
What can laughter do?:
•
•
•
facial, leg, and back muscles
•
•
as Gamma-interferon and T-cells
•
frequency of colds–by immunoglobulon in saliva.
•
University Medical School, humor during instruction led to
increased test scores
•
Humor and creativity work in similar ways, says humor guru
William Fry, M.D., of Stanford University–by creating
relationships between two disconnected items, you engage the
whole brain.
Humor works quickly. Less than a half-second after exposure to
something funny, and electrical wave moves through the higher
brain functions of the cerebral cortex. The left hemisphere
analyzes the words and structures of the joke; the right
hemisphere “gets” the joke; the visual sensory area of the
occipital lobe creates images; the limbic (emotional) system
makes you happier; and the motor sections make you smile or
laugh.
So let’s laugh. What makes you laugh? Tell us your favorite
funny movie, or how about a good joke?
Read more:
HTML http://www.care2.com/greenliving/8-health-benefits-of-laughter.html#ixzz2sFWI1C5F
#Post#: 8877--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 3, 2014, 2:40 am
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Great jokes, All!
#Post#: 8890--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 3, 2014, 11:53 am
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that is some damn good information lady TT.
keep it coming.
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
#Post#: 8891--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Clay Death
Date: February 3, 2014, 12:12 pm
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A beautiful, sexy, good looking lady was sitting next to a guy
in a plane...... The lady said to him ' Can you help me remove
something from my breast please? ‘The exciting young man
replied, 'Wow! It will be my pleasure....... So what is it?'
"Your Eyes, idiot!"
;D ;D ;D ;D ;D ;D
#Post#: 8913--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: thetruth
Date: February 3, 2014, 1:11 pm
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“THE FIRST TEN LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL
1. We are here to help you.
2. You will have time to get to your class before the bell
rings.
3. The dress code will be enforced.
4. No smoking is allowed on school grounds.
5. Our football team will win the championship this year.
6. We expect more of you here.
7. Guidance counselors are always available to listen.
8. Your schedule was created with you in mind.
9. Your locker combination is private.
10. These will be the years you look back on fondly.
TEN MORE LIES THEY TELL YOU IN HIGH SCHOOL
1. You will use algebra in your adult lives.
2. Driving to school is a privilege that can be taken away.
3. Students must stay on campus during lunch.
4. The new text books will arrive any day now.
5. Colleges care more about you than your SAT scores.
6. We are enforcing the dress code.
7. We will figure out how to turn off the heat soon.
8. Our bus drivers are highly trained professionals.
9. There is nothing wrong with summer school.
10. We want to hear what you have to say.”
― Laurie Halse Anderson, Speak
#Post#: 9191--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Emma
Date: February 8, 2014, 6:29 pm
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--- Quote from: fancymeny link ---
>
> A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says:
''Ugh, that's the ugliest baby I've ever seen!'' The woman walks
to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man
next to her: ''The driver just insulted me!''
> The man says: ''You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I'll
hold your monkey for you.''
>
--- End Quote ---
That was very funny! haha
#Post#: 9202--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes
DIR By: Emma
Date: February 8, 2014, 7:12 pm
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Here are 12 of the most outrageous excuses employees have heard
for being late to work:
1. My heat was shut off so I had to stay home to keep my snake
warm.
2. My husband thinks it's funny to hide my car keys before he
goes to work.
3. I walked into a spider web on the way out the door and
couldn't find the spider, so I had to go inside and shower
again.
4. I got locked in my trunk by my son.
5. My left turn signal was out so I had to make all right turns
to get to work.
6. A gurney fell out of an ambulance and delayed traffic.
7. I was attacked by a raccoon and had to stop by the hospital
to make sure it wasn't rabid.
8. I feel like I'm in everyone's way if I show up on time.
9. My father didn't wake me up.
10. A groundhog bit my bike tire and made it flat.
11. My driveway washed away in the rain last night.
12. I had to go to bingo.
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