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#Post#: 241--------------------------------------------------
Jokes Collection
DIR By: Areyas
Date: August 12, 2013, 12:59 am
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Ok we have here a section for jokes...So everyone sometimes
could come to forum and take off from all
info/questions/votes...and get a laugh (if you dont see jokes
funny,skip this page) ;D
So please post jokes (Only English language) and let BeastZ
family members to have fun a bit! 8)
#Post#: 242--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes Collection
DIR By: Areyas
Date: August 12, 2013, 1:11 am
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Ok here is few about russians and for sure about C.N ;)
Chuck Norris's girlfriend once asked him how much wood a
woodchuck could chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood. He then
shouted, "HOW DARE YOU RHYME IN THE PRESENCE OF CHUCK NORRIS!"
and ripped out her throat. Holding his girlfriend's bloody
throat in his hand he bellowed, "Don't f*ck with Chuck!" Two
years and five months later he realized the irony of this
statement and laughed so hard that anyone within a hundred mile
radius of the blast went deaf.
Aliens do exist. They're just waiting for Chuck Norris to die
before they attack.
Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a
spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered
the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a
temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly
claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.
Chuck Norris once walked down the street with a massive
erection. There we no survivors.
Chuck Norris once visited the Virgin Islands. They are now The
Islands.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity...twice.
Q: Whats the difference between a smart Russian and a unicorn?
A: Nothing, they're both fictional characters
Q: How do you relate to the Soviet government?
A: Like a wife: part habit, part fear and wish to God I had a
different one.
Q: Why wasn't Jesus born in Russia?
A: He couldn't find 3 wise men or a virgin
#Post#: 243--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes Collection
DIR By: Areyas
Date: August 12, 2013, 1:12 am
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A Briton, a Frenchman and a Russian are viewing a painting of
Adam and Eve frolicking in the Garden of Eden. "Look at their
reserve, their calm," muses the Brit. "They must be British."
"Nonsense," the Frenchman disagrees. "They're naked, and so
beautiful. Clearly, they are French." "No way! They have no
clothes and no shelter," the Russian points out, "They have only
an apple to eat, and they are being told they live in a
paradise. Obviously, they are Russian."
Once there was a man that came from Russia to America, He
couldnt speak English so he went to choir and learned how to say
"Me me me me me me." Then he went to the store and saw a little
girl say "He stole my dolly" And on his way home he went to get
meat from the butcher and learned how to say "Big butcher knife
big butcher knife." Then he went home and watched an air
freshener commercial and learned how to say "Plug it in Plug it
in." Then he went to the store and there was a murder the police
said "Who killed this man?" The foreigner said "Me me me me me
me me." The police said "Why did you kill him?" And the man said
"He stole my dolly." The police man said "What did you kill him
with?" The man said "Big butcher knife big butcher knife." Then
they took him to jail and sentenced him to death. The police man
said "any last words?" And the foreigner said "Plug it in plug
it in."
#Post#: 273--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes Collection
DIR By: makf
Date: August 15, 2013, 7:29 am
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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself
out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy
neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and
asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
"Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?"
The blonde said, "How about 50 dollars?" The man agreed and told
her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the
garage. The man's wife, inside the house, heard the conversation
and said to her husband, "Does she realize that the porch goes
all the way around the house?"
The man replied, "She should. She was standing on the porch."
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her
money.
"You're finished already?" he asked. "Yes," the blonde answered,
"and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed,
the man reached in his pocket for the $50. "And by the way," the
blonde added, "that's not a Porch, it's a Ferrari."
#Post#: 308--------------------------------------------------
Re: Jokes Collection
DIR By: Areyas
Date: August 18, 2013, 12:22 am
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As we know our dear member Felix is from Lithuania,here is few
jokes about this nation... ;)
A Lithuanian was driving his Volkswagen Beetle, when suddenly it
stopped for some reason. He went to look -- maybe there was some
trouble in the engine -- but he could not find the engine. So he
thought, "My God, my engine has been stolen!"
Just then another Lithuanian stopped by his side. He said, "Is
there some trouble?"
The first man said, "Yes, it seems my engine has been stolen."
The man said, "Don't be worried. This morning I was looking at
the back of my car -- there is a spare engine. You can take it!"
Why did the Lithuanian Government import five hundred million
tons of sand from Saudi Arabia?
Answer: They wanted to drill for their own oil.
Did you hear about the Lithuanian lesbian?
Answer: She likes men.
Two Lithuanians go to see a Western movie. In the middle of the
film a cowboy, mounted on a white horse, and an Indian, mounted
on a black horse, begin to race each other across the plain. The
first Lithuanian turns to his friend and says, "I'll bet you
fifty dollars that the black horse gets to the river before the
white horse." "Okay, you're on!" exclaims the second Lithuanian.
A few seconds later, the white horse and his rider splash into
the river ten lengths ahead of the black horse. "Listen," said
the second Lithuanian after a pause, "I can't take your money. I
have seen this movie before and I knew that the white horse
would win."
"Ah!" said the first Ltihuanian. "I have seen it twice before...
but that black horse got off to such a good start THIS time! "
A Lithuanian goes into the doctor's surgery with both his ears
burnt.
"I have never seen such a case," exclaims the doctor. "What on
earth happened?"
"I was ironing my clothes," explains the Lithuanian, "when the
phone rang."
"But what about the other ear?" asks the doctor.
"Well," replies the Lithuanian, "I had to phone for the
ambulance."
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