DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Entertaining and Hospitality
*****************************************************
#Post#: 25859--------------------------------------------------
Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: Hmmm Date: February 13, 2019, 9:18 am
---------------------------------------------------------
The second letter in Miss Manners has me thinking of something
that I do often. In the letter, a sister is upset that her
brother gave some cousins her phone number without asking her
first, even though she says had he asked she wouldn't have said
no.
We host most family get togethers for my husband's side of the
family. Sometimes, my MIL or a SIL will let me know some
relative I barely know might be visiting our town and ask if I
mind including them, and sometimes it's a relative I see more
often but do not have contact info for. For example:
Last Christmas my MIL suggested I invite a couple of cousins
who's mom had recently passed away. I prefer to extend
invitations directly so asked for email address to be able to
contact them.
This past weekend, we hosted a lunch for my MIL and were
inviting a few cousins. I asked my SIL for email addresses so I
could include them on the invite.
While I guess the most proper thing would be for me to ask MIL
or SIL to get permission to share the info first, I know they'd
both find that fussy and a little bit silly. MIL and I still
remember the days of the local phone book having everyone's
number and address or being able to call the operator to get
someone's phone number and you had to pay more to be "unlisted".
It's a little hard for either of us to view email address as
"private" information.
However, I know many on this board are more private with their
information. Would you always prefer to be asked before an email
address was shared with a relative. And let's assume you have no
previous problems with the recipient of your email address. Just
a cousin or aunt/uncle you don't see very often. I think we can
all agree we wouldn't want our contact info shared with Uncle
Duffus who just got out of jail for embezzlement.
#Post#: 25860--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: Sycorax Date: February 13, 2019, 9:23 am
---------------------------------------------------------
In most cases, I probably wouldn't mind my email address being
shared, but in general I think it's better to ask someone before
you share their email address or other personal information.
#Post#: 25862--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: TeamBhakta Date: February 13, 2019, 9:55 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Some people (like me) might not appreciate it, because FB & some
other sites let you search for someone via their email address.
#Post#: 25878--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: sandisadie Date: February 13, 2019, 11:24 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I think I wouldn't mind if a friend or family member gave
someone my email address. My thinking is that when I have to
put my email address on an internet order or such it usually
causes me to get unwanted messages from businesses,or pictures
on my computer page of the items I ordered, so what's the
difference who has it?
#Post#: 25887--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: jpcher Date: February 13, 2019, 12:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
I would prefer people ask me if it's okay for them to give my
email address out to people that don't have it. Same as my phone
number or address. I think it's the polite thing to do.
Sometimes, at work, people ask about retirees and if I keep in
contact with them. Then when they ask for email addresses I'll
say "I'll let them know you asked about them. Do you have an
email that I can give to them so that they can contact you?"
Maybe you can ask your MIL/SIL to contact whomever and say "Hmmm
would like to get in touch with you. Maybe send her an email at
Hmmm.email so that she has your info." or something like that.
#Post#: 25896--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: Tea Drinker Date: February 13, 2019, 2:08 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
It doesn't take that long to say "let me ask them to get in
touch with you" or "let me just check that they're okay sharing
the phone number/email address."
Some people don't want that information shared (whether because
of bad past experiences or simple caution), and someone else
might say "it's fine to give them my gmail address, but I don't
want to get personal email at work" or be okay with me giving
out their email but not their phone number, or vice versa. And
if I instead call or email Cousin Petunia and tell her "my
mother wants your email address to send you something. Is that
cool, and would you just like to email her yourself?"
Since I make that a general policy, I can truthfully tell people
"it's not about you, I never give out anyone's contact info
unless they've told me it's okay, because that's their
information, not mine."
#Post#: 25909--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: lowspark Date: February 13, 2019, 3:34 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
The thing is, it's an email address and people often will send
out a group email to several people, some of whom might not
already know your email address, and now they do. It's not
really the same as a phone number.
But regarding phone numbers, I'm sort of old school so yeah, I'd
prefer that someone asks me before they pass my number on to
someone else. Because unlike an email, which you can read and
ignore or block or take your time to think about how to reply, a
phone call is instantaneous and puts you on the spot (if you
answer), which is one of the reasons I don't answer calls from
numbers which aren't in my contacts list.
With today's technology, it's not a huge deal for someone to
pass my number or email address on without asking first, but it
is a nice courtesy if they do.
#Post#: 25946--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: Hmmm Date: February 14, 2019, 7:57 am
---------------------------------------------------------
Thanks for the responses. I mentioned to DH I had posed this
question and was sort of surprised by his strong reaction. He
said he'd rather not invite anyone to our home who would be
upset that his mom gave us their email address for extending the
invitation.
He said he prefers I not mention it to his mom or sister and let
them decide if they should ask permission before sharing the
email address. He agrees we should still be the ones to extend
the invitations and not have them passed on as a chain letter
from us to his mom or sister and on to the target recipient.
So far at least my case, I'll be dropping this topic.
#Post#: 25956--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: DaDancingPsych Date: February 14, 2019, 9:47 am
---------------------------------------------------------
I like to think of myself as an Internet sloth. I am probably
not as good as I think, but I have managed to find many unknown
details about people. In other words, much information is not
really private. With that said, I think it only proper to ask
permission before handing it out. If I was not asked, I don't
know that I would blow my top, but I would find the person tacky
for just giving it.
When it comes to my mom, sister, and sister-in-law (no MIL), I
have the sort of relationship with them that I trust their
judgement. They really do not need to ask, because they, for the
most part, know my preferences. (Although, they typically do
ask.) But I realize that this is simply the relationship that I
have with these people. Others may differ.
#Post#: 25999--------------------------------------------------
Re: Asking for an email address to extend an invite
By: lisastitch Date: February 14, 2019, 4:55 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
Another option is to email MIL--"Hi, Mil. Could you forward
this to Cousin, since I don't have her address?"
Hi, Cousin. I hear you're going to be in town, and am hoping
you can join us for . . . Looking forward to hearing from you!"
To me, that's easier than the back-and-forth of asking MIL for
email address, her checking with cousin, and getting back to
you, while still respecting privacy wishes.
The people who are likely to give our my email address are
people that I trust, and I probably wouldn't remember that I
hadn't given it to them myself! But I do understand people's
concerns for privacy.
*****************************************************
DIR Next Page