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#Post#: 25662--------------------------------------------------
Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: Bottlecaps
Date: February 10, 2019, 6:31 pm
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It's been a while since I posted, but it's nice to be back and
see what's new.
On February 4th, my Mom passed away. :( We had her viewings and
service the following Thursday and Friday, and to my surprise,
several friends gave us a check or cash to help with the
expenses, and a couple of people made a donation directly to the
funeral home toward the expenses. While my Mom did have life
insurance, it wasn't quite enough to cover things entirely, so
these gifts are so very much appreciated, as they will help
cover the remaining balance on the funeral, as well as go toward
purchasing a headstone. My question though is, is this normal?
I've never given money at a funeral, and I've never heard of
doing it unless requested by the family in lieu of flowers or
via crowdfunding, but granted, I haven't been to many funerals
either. Is it a circumstantial thing? My Mom was relatively
young and her death, although her health wasn't great, was
somewhat unexpected too. I thought maybe that played a role in
why people donated money toward the funeral expenses. Can
someone enlighten me?
#Post#: 25664--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: katiekat2009
Date: February 10, 2019, 6:37 pm
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I am so sorry for your loss. It's pretty normal in the South
where I live to give money and is usually welcomed. There are
just so many costs associated with funerals these days!
#Post#: 25666--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: STiG
Date: February 10, 2019, 6:57 pm
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It isn't generally done where I live, though donations to a
charity of the deceased's (or family) choice in lieu of flowers
is very common. Crowdfunding is a new phenomena that does
happen when there are unusual circumstances, like someone quite
young with young children. It used to be that the local bank
would have a bank account set up that people could deposit money
into, if they wanted to help the family out. But only in
unusual circumstances. Someone passing away at a ripe old age?
I never saw it.
If I was close enough to the family to know the financial
situation? I might make a direct donation to the funeral home.
My condolences to you and your family.
#Post#: 25667--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: caroled
Date: February 10, 2019, 8:05 pm
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I too am sorry for your loss.
I also, like Katiekat was born and raised in the South, and
although I only saw it a few times growing up as a child, I
never much thought about it. When the FIL of a dear coworker
passed away while I was still living in Alabama, I didn't
hesitate to gift them money the evening before the funeral at
the viewing ( I was not going to be able to attend the next day,
since she was not going to be at work for a while, I had to be.)
As a family they hadn't a lot of money and the FIL had been
fighting cancer for years and funds were depleted. Although I
never met him personally, I had offered to cook meals for them
on a number of occasions and his favorite thing to eat in his
last days was my red beans and rice.
After that it just felt like a natural thing to do for a friend
in need, to help out in any way I could, even if it was just
financially. As has been said , there are so many costs these
days associated with a funeral, even if it's practically a
"pauper's funeral" just the lowest cost casket, minimal service,
few flowers if any, a casket/and vault, cemetery plot,
headstone/marker... a few thousand $$$ is still a fortune when
you don't have any money. Not to mention that both my friends
were about to be off work for 3-4 days each ( wife and husband),
so the household was about to lose the equivalent of one of
their paychecks that week.
Just take the generosity of these people/ friends as a sign of
the esteem with which these people hold you and your mother.
That's how I meant it and if in the same situation, that's how I
would take it.
#Post#: 25671--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: Writer of Wrongs
Date: February 10, 2019, 9:13 pm
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It’s very common in my part of the South - I’ve given money, and
when Dad died, many people gave Mom money. It helped cover the
myriad unexpected expenses before the life insurance company
paid. Like the PP, I think you should just accept it as how much
people cared for your mother and for you.
And my sympathies. I know this is a difficult time. (((Hugs)))
#Post#: 25674--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: February 10, 2019, 10:28 pm
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I'm so sorry for your loss.
I'm in the Mid-Atlantic and it's common here, too. When my MIL
died we received checks and cash and it helped cover expenses.
Even with buying an online casket and having a truncated
visitation, the total was close to $9,000. (The online casket
was gorgeous and we saved thousands. I'll never buy one from a
funeral home.)
*Edited for typo
#Post#: 25682--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: oogyda
Date: February 11, 2019, 6:37 am
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It's very common in the middle section of the US, where I grew
up. I've also observed it in the mid Atlantic states and
Pacific Northwest.
#Post#: 25695--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: vintagegal
Date: February 11, 2019, 8:14 am
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I'm from the Northeast, and have never experienced it. I have
heard of fundraising to pay for a funeral, or more commonly to
start a scholarship fund for young children left behind.
When my dad passed at age 66, we got about 40 cards that people
brought to the funeral home. EVERY single one was a prayer card
(Catholics will know what I mean) even though my dad had not
been to church in probably 25 years. My sister and I were
astounded, we would not even know where or how to obtain one.
#Post#: 25697--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: February 11, 2019, 8:29 am
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I think it depends on your culture, and in the US, where you are
located.
I live in an area that's really diverse so I see it in some
cultures (mine included) and not in others. Also in
neighborhoods that are more "blue collar" (mine included) help
if they can because they know what an expense this can be.
#Post#: 25698--------------------------------------------------
Re: Gifting money at a funeral?
DIR By: Winterlight
Date: February 11, 2019, 8:30 am
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I think it's regional. My father would have been stunned if
people had given him money after my mother died (PNW) and in my
current location (East Coast) it's definitely not done.
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