DIR Return Create A Forum - Home
---------------------------------------------------------
Bad Manners and Brimstone
HTML https://badmanners.createaforum.com
---------------------------------------------------------
*****************************************************
DIR Return to: Life in General
*****************************************************
#Post#: 25805--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: guest657
Date: February 12, 2019, 9:53 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
> [quote author=Anon4Now link=topic=983.msg25799#msg25799
date=1549982299]
>
> And if they are real jerks about it and want to make an issue
if it, you can say, "It's really weird that you are so focused
on that." Then you go back to the unrelated topic as if they
never mentioned food at all.
>
--- End Quote ---
I like this phrasing for so many things that people comment on
that are none of their business!
[/quote]
Picked that up from Captain Awkward and Ask A Manager. It's a
good one.
#Post#: 25806--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Hanna
Date: February 12, 2019, 10:03 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: SioCat link ---
>
> [quote author=Elmore 2.0 link=topic=983.msg25684#msg25684
date=1549889932]
> Do people who eat there really know that theit animals are
eating off the playes,before they do? If so, maybe that group
has their same view on cleanliness and you need to find a new
crowd.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree. My cats eat off my plate at home, so that kind of thing
doesn’t bother me. Personally, the only thing that would squick
me our is the moldy water pitcher.
It sounds like the only one unhappy with the situation is the
OP. OP, maybe try hosting at your place a couple times?
[/quote]
Just curious... do you feel that way about just your animals or
all animals?
Like would you eat after a stranger’s cat?
#Post#: 25818--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Lilac
Date: February 12, 2019, 3:49 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Victoria link ---
>
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=983.msg25767#msg25767
date=1549927872]
> [quote]. But I know that "My dog and cat allergies are acting
up" and "Oh darn, I already ate" aren't going to work as excuses
forever.
--- End Quote ---
Why wouldn't they work forever?
I mean, neither allergies nor food issues are temporary
situations for anybody, so why would they expect them to go away
for you?
[/quote]
Because even when we go other places, Sarah often brings food,
or will announce that she's bringing a main dish and request
everyone else to bring sides. So after awhile it's going to
become obvious that I don't want to eat anything that she's
cooked. I've successfully asked that our latest meetup be held
at the non-profit center itself but Sarah has since said that
she's making breakfast. We also have meetups that are
specifically dinner/work meetups and have always been held at
her house.
It may be that trying to deflect and just letting the inevitable
happen is my only option, but if confronted directly about not
eating her food I really don't know what to say. I was already
called out once by the group when I used "oh darn, I already
ate," but that time I was able to say I'd been up for several
hours and had already been hungry.
[/quote]
I would go insane if food were front and center at a volunteer
activity, as you describe. Is it a social thing disguised as
volunteering? In that case, I'd just withdraw.
If it's a worthwhile cause you want to pursue, I would approach
whoever is in authority and express concern that the provision
and eating of food, etc etc, is really starting to dominate
these gatherings, and how can that be changed?
I joined the local garden club a couple of years ago -- mostly
older ladies who enjoyed "hosting" each meeting on a rotating
basis -- we met at a township function room but some of them
would bring decor, seasonally decorated treats, plates/napkins,
beverages, etc. It was really frustrating to many of us
"younger" members who were coming directly from work and just
wanted to get to the guest speaker or business part of the
meeting.
Finally it was decreed that instead of starting at 7, the
meetings would start at 6:30 with an optional half hour of
socializing, with the official business beginning promptly at 7.
That way people could time their arrival based on what was
important to them. It was also made clear that providing
food/beverage was voluntary, not obligatory.
Could your group similarly separate the social/eating aspect of
these meetings?
If not, just keep declining food. I am a very picky eater and
will not consume anything made at home by people I don't know
VERY well -- and by that I mean maybe two or three other people
on the planet. Long ago I decided that my eating patterns are
no one else's business, especially in situations where I didn't
request, solicit or agree to the meal. (Obviously if I go to a
dinner party I make some sort of effort but I don't accept many
such invitations for that reason).
There is nothing wrong or weird with trotting out the usual "oh
darn, I already ate" "on a diet" "not hungry, thanks" social
conventions. If they persist in pestering you, they are clods.
If Sarah starts to take it personally, well, c'est la vie. You
are responsible for making her feel good about her cooking
prowess. If she says flat out "Why won't you eat my food any
more?" just brush it off. "I thought we were here to work on
the fundraiser" "My eating habits are between me and my doctor,
thanks," or "These meetings don't sync with my mealtimes.
Don't worry about me. Now, about those marketing posters..."
Keep reminding yourself that you do not owe anyone an
explanation for what you do and do not eat.
#Post#: 25819--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Lilac
Date: February 12, 2019, 3:50 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
oops, make that "you are NOT responsible for making Sarah feel
good..." etc. etc.
#Post#: 27460--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Kiwipinball
Date: March 10, 2019, 5:30 pm
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: Lilac link ---
>
> [quote author=Victoria link=topic=983.msg25796#msg25796
date=1549980097]
> [quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=983.msg25767#msg25767
date=1549927872]
> [quote]. But I know that "My dog and cat allergies are acting
up" and "Oh darn, I already ate" aren't going to work as excuses
forever.
--- End Quote ---
Why wouldn't they work forever?
I mean, neither allergies nor food issues are temporary
situations for anybody, so why would they expect them to go away
for you?
[/quote]
Because even when we go other places, Sarah often brings food,
or will announce that she's bringing a main dish and request
everyone else to bring sides. So after awhile it's going to
become obvious that I don't want to eat anything that she's
cooked. I've successfully asked that our latest meetup be held
at the non-profit center itself but Sarah has since said that
she's making breakfast. We also have meetups that are
specifically dinner/work meetups and have always been held at
her house.
It may be that trying to deflect and just letting the inevitable
happen is my only option, but if confronted directly about not
eating her food I really don't know what to say. I was already
called out once by the group when I used "oh darn, I already
ate," but that time I was able to say I'd been up for several
hours and had already been hungry.
[/quote]
I would go insane if food were front and center at a volunteer
activity, as you describe. Is it a social thing disguised as
volunteering? In that case, I'd just withdraw.
If it's a worthwhile cause you want to pursue, I would approach
whoever is in authority and express concern that the provision
and eating of food, etc etc, is really starting to dominate
these gatherings, and how can that be changed?
I joined the local garden club a couple of years ago -- mostly
older ladies who enjoyed "hosting" each meeting on a rotating
basis -- we met at a township function room but some of them
would bring decor, seasonally decorated treats, plates/napkins,
beverages, etc. It was really frustrating to many of us
"younger" members who were coming directly from work and just
wanted to get to the guest speaker or business part of the
meeting.
Finally it was decreed that instead of starting at 7, the
meetings would start at 6:30 with an optional half hour of
socializing, with the official business beginning promptly at 7.
That way people could time their arrival based on what was
important to them. It was also made clear that providing
food/beverage was voluntary, not obligatory.
Could your group similarly separate the social/eating aspect of
these meetings?
If not, just keep declining food. I am a very picky eater and
will not consume anything made at home by people I don't know
VERY well -- and by that I mean maybe two or three other people
on the planet. Long ago I decided that my eating patterns are
no one else's business, especially in situations where I didn't
request, solicit or agree to the meal. (Obviously if I go to a
dinner party I make some sort of effort but I don't accept many
such invitations for that reason).
There is nothing wrong or weird with trotting out the usual "oh
darn, I already ate" "on a diet" "not hungry, thanks" social
conventions. If they persist in pestering you, they are clods.
If Sarah starts to take it personally, well, c'est la vie. You
are responsible for making her feel good about her cooking
prowess. If she says flat out "Why won't you eat my food any
more?" just brush it off. "I thought we were here to work on
the fundraiser" "My eating habits are between me and my doctor,
thanks," or "These meetings don't sync with my mealtimes.
Don't worry about me. Now, about those marketing posters..."
Keep reminding yourself that you do not owe anyone an
explanation for what you do and do not eat.
[/quote]
Yeah, I would have a lot of trouble socializing with people that
keep track of what I eat that closely. Especially if the food is
more of an afterthought (it would be a bit rude to accept an
invite to a dinner party and then show up and announce you'd
already eaten absent some extentuating circumstances). I
definitely like some of the language about asking why they're so
focused on what you're eating if they continue to push it. And
there are so many diets out there these days, that someone not
eating something barely registers. It's not even accusing
someone of making unhealthy food - if one person is on a low-fat
diet and one person is on a low-carb diet, they're not going to
have a lot of overlapping food. And I'd hate to be cornered into
admitting the two main reasons I don't want to eat something
(either I don't like it or my stomach has been upset lately and
I really don't want to give details on my bathroom habits). But
if they annoyed me enough I might take some pleasure in
announcing I've been having diarrhea lately or something like
that and letting them be uncomfortable. It sounds like Sarah is
not the only problem here. She definitely has some gross habits,
but everyone is paying way too much attention to everyone else's
eating habits.
*****************************************************
Page 4 of 4
DIR Previous Page