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#Post#: 25690--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: SioCat
Date: February 11, 2019, 7:26 am
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--- Quote from: Elmore 2.0 link ---
>
> Do people who eat there really know that theit animals are
eating off the playes,before they do? If so, maybe that group
has their same view on cleanliness and you need to find a new
crowd.
>
--- End Quote ---
I agree. My cats eat off my plate at home, so that kind of thing
doesn’t bother me. Personally, the only thing that would squick
me our is the moldy water pitcher.
It sounds like the only one unhappy with the situation is the
OP. OP, maybe try hosting at your place a couple times?
#Post#: 25699--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: STiG
Date: February 11, 2019, 8:36 am
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I am not a germaphobe. And some of the stuff would bother me,
too. Like the leftovers that the kids had had their hands in.
Kids are not well known for properly washing their hands!
The water pitcher would disgust me, too.
Elmore, I'm assuming the animals eat off the plates after they
are used, not before. As long as they are run through a
dishwasher afterwards, this doesn't bother me but having plates
with remaining residue that are 'clean' would because who knows
if it was remaining from one of the animals?
I agree that your best course of action is to use your allergies
as the excuse and see if you can arrange a change in venue.
If you are at all close with any other other members of the
group, quietly talk to them and see if they will back you up,
even if they don't have some of the same concerns.
Edited for word correction
#Post#: 25700--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: wonderfullyanonymous
Date: February 11, 2019, 8:39 am
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The dirty dishes and water pitcher would bother me. Mild and
mildew can make one sick. As long as the dog was licking dirty
dishes after people were done eating, that wouldn't bother me.
The cat eating off food on the counter wouldn't bother me too
much, but if there is company, while there is food out, the cat
should be in a bedroom or bathroom until food is put away.
The little kids with hands in the bowls wouldn't bother me
either. Even if someone were serving them, and they were
standing there, they are still breathing on the food.
IMO, people worry so much about germs and keeping a germ free
home, they are actually inviting themselves to become sick
easier. Our bodies need to be exposed to germs in order for them
to learn to fight them off.
#Post#: 25704--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Jem
Date: February 11, 2019, 9:11 am
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I would just politely decline events at Sara and Ryan's going
forward. "I'm sorry, I cannot be around animals. Can we meet at
Local Tavern instead?" And if the answer is "no, we must meet at
Victoria and Ryan's" the situation you described would be enough
for me to leave the group. I wouldn't try to change what Sara
and Ryan do in their home, I just wouldn't to their home.
I think some people are unaware of how certain circumstances
make various people feel. But I also think that a person should
not have to be uncomfortable because of those circumstances. The
solution is not to ask or force everyone to do things how you
personally prefer them to be done, but instead it is to remove
yourself from situations that don't gel with what you are okay
with. I would never ask a person whose home I am visiting to do
something unusual for them with their animals.....but I also do
not visit people with animals, almost as a rule. My sister has a
small hypoallergenic dog, and I generally keep my distance from
it when at her house. Other friends and relatives with pets I
simply do not go to their houses. Thankfully, my house is more
centrally located and better for entertaining, and they accepted
that their pets are NOT welcome in my home.
There is a trend in my area to have craft breweries that are in
industrial-style warehouses and allow dogs. Lots of people think
this is awesome! I personally really don't like it and if
someone wants to meet at a place like that I usually decline.
Edited because it is SARA and not Victoria!
#Post#: 25706--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: February 11, 2019, 9:25 am
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I agree with the others and would just blame your allergies. I
am not a germaphobe but what you have described would put me off
eating anything at their home. If you do end up having to attend
something there, maybe offer to bring pizza for everyone as your
treat since they always host. And bring paper plates.
#Post#: 25713--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: guest657
Date: February 11, 2019, 9:40 am
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--- Quote from: STiG link ---
>
> I am not a germaphobe. And some of the stuff would bother me,
too. Like the leftovers that the kids had had their hands in.
Kids are not well know for properly washing their hands!
>
> The water pitcher would disgust me, too.
>
> Elmore, I'm assuming the animals eat off the plates after they
are used, not before. As long as they are run through a
dishwasher afterwards, this doesn't bother me but having plates
with remaining residue that are 'clean' would because who knows
if it was remaining from one of the animals?
>
> I agree that your best course of action is to use your
allergies as the excuse and see if you can arrange a change in
venue.
>
> If you are at all close with any other other members of the
group, quietly talk to them and see if they will back you up,
even if they don't have some of the same concerns.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yeah, some of the other stuff was borderline "I wouldn't do it
but I can put up with it." But the moldy water pitcher and the
"clean" plates that aren't actually clean? Nope, nope, nope.
Even if it wasn't dog spit on the plates - if they're sitting in
the cabinet with grease and food residue on them, ew.
I have read that living with animals and letting them lick your
face and hands, etc is actually very good for strengthening your
microbiome and immune system. The "dirt don't hurt" theory.
Perhaps that's why they don't get sick from their other
questionable practices.
But without that protective layer of extra microbes, visitors
would be more vulnerable anyhow.
#Post#: 25719--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: February 11, 2019, 10:07 am
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Tons of great advice! I would probably start by trying to get a
feel for what the other members feel. You mention a number of
things and while one of them may not be upsetting, there is
likely another that does. If I felt close enough and could
quietly speak with other members, it may be worthwhile to get on
the same page. If everyone is simply saying that meeting at a
different location works better than that makes things easier.
However, I would make this all about you and not them. It is
YOUR allergies that are causing the problems, not their pets. It
is YOUR germaphobia (even though we have established that your
concerns are normal) and not their cleanliness.
Funny enough, the pets licking the plates bothers me more than
the kids touching the leftovers. I would not be surprised to
learn that the kids are leaving more germs than the pets, but
it's just a personal comfort issue for me. And yes, I do work
with children and know how disgusting that they can be! ;D
#Post#: 25721--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Jem
Date: February 11, 2019, 10:24 am
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--- Quote from: Anon4Now link ---
>
> I have read that living with animals and letting them lick
your face and hands, etc is actually very good for strengthening
your microbiome and immune system. The "dirt don't hurt" theory.
--- End Quote ---
I am not disputing this theory, but I do think there is
something to be said for it being a person's OWN pets and OWN
family germs. When my DD was little I did buy into the theory
that allowing her to build up her immunity was smart and
healthful. But I didn't encourage her to lick the floor in
public bathrooms......it was more like I didn't disinfect all of
her toys every day kind of thing. Playing in the sandbox was
just fine, but I would prevent her from eating a discarded
sandwich left by someone else.
Personally, I really do not enjoy or like animals and if one
licks me I am thoroughly disgusted. I don't even like petting
dogs with long hair, not even little yorkies or something.
Something about wet or matted long pet hair just makes me
recoil. So if a pet is licking actual plates or eating from the
same food there is no way in hades I would touch it.
#Post#: 25726--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: gramma dishes
Date: February 11, 2019, 10:58 am
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--- Quote from: Jem link ---
>
>
> Edited because it is SARA and not Victoria!
>
--- End Quote ---
There's still a Victoria there! :D
#Post#: 25728--------------------------------------------------
Re: Managing different cleanliness/hygiene expectations with
friends
DIR By: Dazi
Date: February 11, 2019, 11:03 am
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NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE NOPE
Blame it on your allergies. It's a totally legit reason IMO. To
me the worst offense is the taco bar thing. To put it politely,
kids are little walking petri dishes of diseases, namely GI
viruses and URIs of dubious origins. There is always something
sticky and gooey coming off them even if you had them wash their
hands and faces 2 minutes ago and they touch EVERYTHING. I'm
assuming they desperately need to take apart and scrub the
bejesus out of the Brita and replace the filter, and I wouldn't
drink out of that either.
Cats eating on the counter wouldn't bother me assuming the
counters are disinfected prior to food prep. My own cats often
get on the counter and eat treats on the counter. I tell all cat
owners, even if they believe their cats are trained not to get
on the counters, they are only trained to not get on the
counters when you can see them. The dogs eating the food off the
plates is kind of 50/50 for me. If they are eating the scraps
after and then the plates are going in the dishwasher, fine. If
not, no.
I would highly suggest a non-home place to have these meetings.
Surely there is a meeting hall or room available? Can someone
else host? I wouldn't particularly want to go to this home for
any length of time and I'm not a person who gets hung up on
super cleanliness.
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