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#Post#: 1525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Luci Date: May 17, 2018, 3:18 pm
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I would stay clear of them both socially. I am more concerned
about the equipment. I would check out the laws of its being in
your possession for so long and make the required moves to get
it out of there by Bob's getting it back or selling it. It may
involve notices and time frame, but not a lawyer.
It’s always sad when a formerly satisfying relationship dies.
#Post#: 1797--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: dani321 Date: May 18, 2018, 11:10 am
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I agree with everyone else, and also strongly suspect Sue is the
one who "unfriended" you both from Bob's account. If your DH had
just commented on Bob's post, and also spoken with him, that
probably alerted Sue to the fact that he's still Facebook
friends with you both, and it seems pretty likely she put an end
to it, whether she did it herself or asked/demanded that Bob do
it.
I also think it's odd that Bob needed to "think about" getting
together and/or getting his equipment. That's a yes or a no
question, the only variable is choosing a time to meet up. He
shouldn't really need to think about whether he wants to hang
out with an old friend or pick up his belongings from your home.
I definitely don't believe your husband owes Bob anything other
than a sincere attempt to return his equipment.
Also, OP, I'm sorry about your friend, you were well within your
rights to express your opinion to her especially given that you
were tangentially involved. And also I love your username ;D
#Post#: 1812--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: imc Date: May 18, 2018, 11:53 am
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I agree with one of the first suggestions.
Since DH has no interest in setting up another band with Bob and
Sue, he should express that to Bob but also tell him he misses
him as a friend and try to set up an outing between the two of
them. Coffee, beer, or whatever non-band related activity they
used to do to chill out together in the past. Give him one
chance or two to either agree to the proposed outing or at least
be proactive in declining (“Tuesday I really can’t, but what
about Thursday?”).
If Bob seems receptive, I guess DH should give that relationship
one last chance, since he seems to really care about Bob,
despite Bob’s poor treatment of him. This endevour’s success
probably depends heavily on the men reconnecting without Sue’s
interference, so you probably should also be giving them time to
do this on their own. If it works, you can then move onto
rekindling you women’s participation in their friendship, if
feasible.
If not, this might just be one friendship that DH and Bob will
have to nurture exclusively, if they care enough to.
If Bob fails to positively respond to DH’s friendly overtures,
prepare to cut your losses and take all necessary legal steps to
get rid of Bob’s stuff crowding your basement.
#Post#: 2182--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: pierrotlunaire0 Date: May 19, 2018, 12:57 pm
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To me it sounds as if Sue is the impetus behind the unfriending,
but I also think it doesn't matter. However Bob feels, he's
going with Sue's flow.
The more I think about the whole mess, the more it sounds as if
Bob wants everything to go back to the big happy group of
friends, but right now Sue has the reins. So, if Bob delays
getting the equipment, then he always has an "in" to rekindle
the old friendship. That's why he "has to think about it."
So my response would be: No, Bob. Get your stuff.
It wouldn't hurt to double check with a lawyer as to what your
rights are if Bob refuses or fails to follow through. But if I
were you, I would want to create a clean break. If Bob and/or
Sue decide to extend an apology or olive branch, all well and
good. But I wouldn't want to be kept dangling.
#Post#: 2381--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Octavia Date: May 19, 2018, 9:43 pm
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Bob doesn't seems like a great friend, and he seems fine using
your basement as his storage space. But what is your potential
liability for storing his gear? What if your basement floods, or
your home gets burglarized and the equipment stolen? Any
friendship that your DH has left with Bob would probably be
ruined, and you could be legally on the hook for $$$.
So I agree with others for DH to make one final attempt to meet
with Bob ASAP, evaluate the friendship and establish a firm date
for Bob to remove his gear from your basement. If Bob isn't up
for it, I can share what I did with an ex who refused to collect
furniture and other belongings from my house. My jurisdiction
requires at least a 30-day notification prior to disposing
someone's property. So I sent ex a registered letter warning him
that I was moving his belongings to a storage unit for which I'd
pay one month of rent. He therefore had 30 days to pick up his
stuff from the unit, or it would be confiscated by the storage
unit owner. In either case, it was out of my house & no longer
my problem. Hope you won't have to escalate to this action
though. Good luck, and let us know how things work out!
#Post#: 2450--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Elle Kruger Date: May 20, 2018, 8:12 am
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I don’t think Bob has been a good friend, and your DH is
probably better off letting the idea of friendship go.
Regardless, the equipment in your basement needs to be picked
up. You’re not a storage facility and you don’t want to be
liable if something were to happen. Sue sounds like the type of
person who would love to cause trouble, so I’d sever any ties
between you/DH and her/Bob just to be safe.
#Post#: 2484--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Winterlight Date: May 20, 2018, 10:43 am
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I agree with everyone who says you should get the equipment out
somehow. Your DH can try to reach out again, but I wouldn't. It
doesn't sound like Bob has missed him at all, and being friends
with Bob means potential interaction with Sue.
#Post#: 2503--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Dr. F. Date: May 20, 2018, 11:34 am
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[quote author=Octavia link=topic=98.msg2381#msg2381
date=1526784223]
BIf Bob isn't up for it, I can share what I did with an ex who
refused to collect furniture and other belongings from my house.
My jurisdiction requires at least a 30-day notification prior to
disposing someone's property. So I sent ex a registered letter
warning him that I was moving his belongings to a storage unit
for which I'd pay one month of rent. He therefore had 30 days to
pick up his stuff from the unit, or it would be confiscated by
the storage unit owner. In either case, it was out of my house &
no longer my problem. Hope you won't have to escalate to this
action though. Good luck, and let us know how things work out!
[/quote]
Out of curiosity, did it work? Did ex collect his stuff? I ask
because I was in a similar situation once, and it didn't end
well.
#Post#: 2649--------------------------------------------------
Re: Defriending On-Line, Pretending to Friend IRL
By: Octavia Date: May 20, 2018, 7:11 pm
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[quote author=Dr. F. link=topic=98.msg2503#msg2503
date=1526834047]
[quote author=Octavia link=topic=98.msg2381#msg2381
date=1526784223]
BIf Bob isn't up for it, I can share what I did with an ex who
refused to collect furniture and other belongings from my house.
My jurisdiction requires at least a 30-day notification prior to
disposing someone's property. So I sent ex a registered letter
warning him that I was moving his belongings to a storage unit
for which I'd pay one month of rent. He therefore had 30 days to
pick up his stuff from the unit, or it would be confiscated by
the storage unit owner. In either case, it was out of my house &
no longer my problem. Hope you won't have to escalate to this
action though. Good luck, and let us know how things work out!
[/quote]
Out of curiosity, did it work? Did ex collect his stuff? I ask
because I was in a similar situation once, and it didn't end
well.
[/quote]
It did work! I should have mentioned that I had listed my house
for sale and needed it decluttered for showings. So I used that
as an excuse to get his belongings out. I had included an
inventory of his belongings in the letter and photographed them
once in the storage unit to account for them and their
condition. He wasn't happy with me but understood and was glad I
didn't just throw his property out like his previous exes had
(see a pattern there?). He ended up renewing the storage unit
rental agreement on his own until figuring out what to do with
his things. I don't remember how long as I moved after selling
my house and accidentally on purpose lost touch with him. What
went wrong in your situation?
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