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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 25493--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: malfoyfan13
Date: February 7, 2019, 7:45 pm
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I have a similar problem with my back and hips. There are
restaurants I don't go to because I can't sit in their hard,
metal chairs for more than 15 minutes without pain. I also have
issues with the chairs in people's homes. My only solution is
to use a pillow - theirs or mine - or use my coat or hoodie to
cushion the hard chair. Sometimes I just end up standing up a
lot and stretching. It's a difficult thing because I want to go
and visit people - I can't expect them to have a comfortable
chair just for me, but I also don't want to have to go see my
chiropractor every time I visit someone.
In the situation described by the OP, it seems fair that either
everyone uses the uncomfortable chairs or that they attempt to
provide more comfortable ones for those who have pain issues.
Those who are not bothered by the hard chairs can use those. I
don't think it's polite for one person to have a good chair when
guests are clearly suffering.
It also seems like the people who own the hard chairs could
maybe investigate some cushions for them.
#Post#: 25498--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: Rho
Date: February 7, 2019, 9:13 pm
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"They’ve declined coming to my house as we have kids "
You hire a baby sitter or leave teens unsupervised 3-4 X per
week?
#Post#: 25522--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: February 8, 2019, 11:33 am
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--- Quote from: Rho link ---
>
> "They’ve declined coming to my house as we have kids "
>
> You hire a baby sitter or leave teens unsupervised 3-4 X per
week?
>
--- End Quote ---
Why not?
#Post#: 25555--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: LadyRexall
Date: February 8, 2019, 5:50 pm
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--- Quote from: Rho link ---
>
> "They’ve declined coming to my house as we have kids "
>
> You hire a baby sitter or leave teens unsupervised 3-4 X per
week?
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes. In case you’re concerned, I’ll lay out the stats for you.
We have two kids left at home. A 17 yr old and a 5 year old.
When the 17 year old is home in the evening, she spends the
majority of her time in her room doing homework, snapchatting
her friends, watching hair and makeup tutorials and practicing
them or just watching Netflix. She comes down for snacks and
will hang out a bit a few times a night. So she doesn’t really
miss us when we go. (We do a weekly board game night with her to
get in family time). The 5 year old has a bedtime of 8 pm. We
don’t start our game until after 8, so he’s in bed and has no
idea mom and dad aren’t downstairs hanging out waiting for him
to wake in the morning. My usual babysitter is my daughter.
She’s home anyways, but I do pay her (to me that’s just fair).
She’s very responsible and I would have no issue leaving her at
home an entire weekend. I’d also have no issue leaving her with
her brother overnight. My husband and I both keep our phones
with us in case son woke up with a fever or something. We’re
literally 5 doors down in a townhouse complex. Our baby monitor
would actually probably still work down there (just so you know
how extremely close to home we are).
With my older kids, I kinda gave up any life I had while they
were young. I concentrated fully on the mom thing. With my
youngest (obviously a big age gap) I’ve mellowed out and
realized that yes, being a good mommy is important, but I still
am also Linda, who has a social life. I prioritize my kids over
my social life, but I no longer just sit there waiting for them
to wake up again to be mommy lol
#Post#: 25574--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: February 8, 2019, 11:19 pm
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To answer your question, yes I think it's a bit rude if the host
sits in a super-comfortable chair while everyone else endures
really uncomfortable chairs (barring any medical condition,
obviously).
I personally think you'd be fine bringing a cushion, or your own
chair over.
#Post#: 25739--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: bopper
Date: February 11, 2019, 12:56 pm
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I would bring a cushion with you.
#Post#: 26020--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: daen
Date: February 14, 2019, 9:35 pm
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It's not precisely the same situation, but I take a backrest
with me almost everywhere I go, because I will be in pain if I
don't have proper back support. (Fortunately, there's a chair at
work that's perfect - and equally fortunately, no one else likes
it.) It's no reflection on anyone's furniture - simply that I
have a back issue and I need to take care of myself or I'll be
in some level of pain for the next two days.
I feel a bit embarrassed carrying the thing everywhere, but I'm
the only one who thinks it's embarrassing - anyone who's ever
mentioned it is sympathetic rather than dismissive.
All this to say - bring whatever it takes for you to be
comfortable.
#Post#: 26311--------------------------------------------------
Re: The good chair
DIR By: Contrarian
Date: February 19, 2019, 6:23 am
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Yes, it’s definitely rude for the host to provide themselves
with a (what was it? Lazy boy? Easy chair? is it the same
thing?).
But what are you going to do? I would be appalled. It’s been
mentioned that she is in her twenties, surely she knows you try
to make your guests comfortable first. She probably even knows
the rule about sharing, if there’s isn’t enough to go around,
you don’t bring it out when guests are there.
It’s like having people over, pulling a piece of cake out of the
fridge and eating it without offering any to the guests. It’s
not a crime, but why are you not eating that cake when they are
gone or before they come?
I also don’t understand why OP can’t host. Is it that OP wants
to be able to smoke freely all night or that the other couple
can’t be bothered to sit in a home where they have to go outside
to smoke? If it’s the later, I just can’t stand that about
(some! For the love of god not all!!) smokers.
I used to be a smoker as well but I didn’t refuse to visit
friends where I couldn’t smoke. My mother lost all of her
friends when she had cancer because they wouldn’t visit her at
home because they couldn’t smoke there after her diagnoses.
OP is taking Tylenol before every event because she’s that
uncomfortable but the other couple can’t go smoke outside for a
few hours, once in a while?
I don’t understand if the 5 year old is in bed the the teen not
hanging around why that wouldn’t work? Once in a while, I mean.
That’s what I don’t get. Why can’t this happen at OP’s once in
while, if she’s dreading the event a few days earlier because of
chronic pain, maybe just call and say it has to happen at OP’s
house this time?
But maybe it’s too loud for the 5 year old.
However, if not, I think the host providing herself with, not
just a more comfortable chair, but it sounds to me like a huge,
cushy throne, and the host not putting aside their own
uncomfortableness of having to go outside to smoke for at least
some of these events, is both rude.
However, again, what are you going to do? You can’t call her out
on it and it sounds like you don’t want to cut down on these
nights, so that chronic pain, is yours to deal with OP.
You’re a trouper. I wouldn’t do it. Life throws enough pain our
way that we can’t control, so I’ll take every opportunity to
control the pain that I can.
But, you do you as the very irritating phrase goes. I hope the
Tylenol works.
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