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#Post#: 25156--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: Lilac Date: February 2, 2019, 11:05 am
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I think she probably meant that in past times, the year was not
mentioned, because it was assumed to be the present year.
I own many etiquette books and just picked up one at random,
it's from 1924 and says invitations should go out no earlier
than four weeks and no later than 15 days before the wedding. (I
realize in our busy and more far-flung times that is obsolete
info, but there you have it.) The text of a standard at-home
wedding invitation is given as:
[center]Mr. and Mrs. Robert Guy Brown
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Helen Rose
and
Mr. Henry Van Buren
on Tuesday afternoon, June the first
at four o'clock
Twenty-two West End Avenue [/center]
#Post#: 25176--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: Hmmm Date: February 2, 2019, 5:21 pm
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[quote author=Lilac link=topic=969.msg25156#msg25156
date=1549127155]
I think she probably meant that in past times, the year was not
mentioned, because it was assumed to be the present year.
I own many etiquette books and just picked up one at random,
it's from 1924 and says invitations should go out no earlier
than four weeks and no later than 15 days before the wedding. (I
realize in our busy and more far-flung times that is obsolete
info, but there you have it.) The text of a standard at-home
wedding invitation is given as:
[center]Mr. and Mrs. Robert Guy Brown
request the pleasure of your company
at the marriage of their daughter
Helen Rose
and
Mr. Henry Van Buren
on Tuesday afternoon, June the first
at four o'clock
Twenty-two West End Avenue [/center]
[/quote]
After Toot's comment, I looked at our wedding invitation and we
did not have the year. We just celebrated our 25th anniversary.
I know we didn't put much thought into the wording and just let
the printer suggest. The only unusual thing back then was that
we were self hosting as my parents were deceased but I have no
memory of discussing putting a year on the invite. I wonder when
the standard changed.
#Post#: 25256--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: Despedina Date: February 4, 2019, 11:15 am
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Wow the date needs to be fixed. I hope they don't want any more
distant friend/relations to come because they are just going to
assume the invite got lost in the mail and possibly pitch it.
On the RSVP - I think this is becoming more common. Last summer
my BIL and his GF contemplated having people RSVP a YEAR in
advance. I explained that would be a bad idea and she looked at
me like I had 2 heads. She wanted to know who would be coming
well ahead of time. Someone else chimed in to try to explain it
also and she begrudgingly agreed to hold off for a while. The
wedding is this October and based on that conversation I'm
expecting an invite any day now LOL.
#Post#: 25279--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: kareng57 Date: February 4, 2019, 3:40 pm
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[quote author=Songbird link=topic=969.msg25107#msg25107
date=1549047173]
This is why they invented "save the date" cards.
[/quote]
My now-DIL didn't want to do Save-the-Dates and instead sent out
the invitations about three months in advance, with the RSVP
date two months before the wedding. A good MOG knows when to
keep her mouth shut so that's what I did, but I privately
worried that some people who replied "yes" would later have to
give regrets because of work schedules changing. And that's
exactly what happened with a few guests. She wasn't too happy
about paying for dinners that wouldn't be eaten, but I never did
find out why she designated the RSVP date at that time. It's
true that some guests were coming from overseas but that still
seemed kind of extreme. Around here most caterers don't need
the guaranteed number until about two weeks before the event.
#Post#: 25284--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: Sycorax Date: February 4, 2019, 4:37 pm
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[quote author=Despedina link=topic=969.msg25256#msg25256
date=1549300539]
On the RSVP - I think this is becoming more common. Last summer
my BIL and his GF contemplated having people RSVP a YEAR in
advance. I explained that would be a bad idea and she looked at
me like I had 2 heads. She wanted to know who would be coming
well ahead of time. Someone else chimed in to try to explain it
also and she begrudgingly agreed to hold off for a while. The
wedding is this October and based on that conversation I'm
expecting an invite any day now LOL.
[/quote]
If someone asked me to RSVP for a year ahead, I'd probably say
no, unless it was one of my own children.
#Post#: 25359--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: LifeOnPluto Date: February 6, 2019, 5:12 am
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Asking people to RSVP a year in advance seems crazy to me! So
much can happen in a year - people can get pregnant, move
overseas, have falling outs, sadly even die! Not to mention,
unless the invitation was stuck on my fridge for the entire
duration, I might even forget the date - especially if I wasn't
a close friend or relative of the HC and wasn't hearing updates,
etc!
#Post#: 28343--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: Flibbertigibbet Date: March 26, 2019, 3:39 am
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I am sending out invitations to my wedding a full year before
the date, and asking for RSVPs 3 months before. Save the dates
went out 18 months before the date.
This is because it is a destination wedding in a relatively
small location with limited accommodation and flights, and in
order to give my guests the best chance of booking what they
want, they'll need to look at getting the hotels booked as early
as they can. It also gives prior warning, as clearly I am asking
people to make a relatively big expenditure at my behest by
travelling, and some may wish to budget in advance accordingly.
My wedding planner has actually warned me that the hotels are
already getting booked up (as they open bookings this far in
advance as well for the same reasons) and some of the wedding
party has already booked hotels on that basis. I also need the
RSVPs back that early as I need to let the venue know the final
numbers shortly after that date, and also need to arrange
transport for the guests from the airport to the hotel (so need
to know what flights they will be on).
That said, it is a relatively small wedding, and all of the
people invited already know about it. We had to book the wedding
venue itself over 2 years in advance to get the date we wanted.
I suppose what i'm trying to say therefore is that ignoring
traditional etiquette for the length of time in advance people
ask for RSVPs or send out their invitations may well be dictated
by circumstances, rather than an over abundance of excitement. I
am full prepared for people to decline if they wish on the basis
that it is too early, but would hope that they do not, as the
reason for it being so early is actually to give them the best
chance to be able to come.
#Post#: 28377--------------------------------------------------
Re: RSVP date 3 months ahead
By: TootsNYC Date: March 26, 2019, 1:57 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=969.msg25112#msg25112
date=1549050053]
[quote author=TootsNYC link=topic=969.msg25111#msg25111
date=1549049709]
[quote author=gramma dishes link=topic=969.msg25109#msg25109
date=1549048544]
[quote author=QueenFaninCA link=topic=969.msg25108#msg25108
date=1549048104]
... Seems like this couple hasn't heard of save the date cards,
which are perfectly fine 6 to 12 months in advance to make sure
people can plan accordingly.
[/quote]
But no matter what, the date is the important part and that has
to be right!
[/quote]
It used to be that no one put the date on the invitation at all.
Nowadays people often put it on because it becomes a
memento--and sometimes a way to remember when you (or the
couple) were actually married, as the years blur together.
[/quote]
I'm not saying you are wrong about the history (although I have
never heard of this), but all of the "hide the ball" etiquette
just seems so silly. Why would you not want to make it as simple
as possible for your guests to know where and when the event
will be? Same thing for registry information. We all know people
register, so why pretend they don't and create more work for
people to "discretely" ask? Makes me crazy!
[/quote]
What was I thinking when I wrote that?
It used to be no one put the YEAR.
because no wedding was planned that far in advance.
with save-the-dates going out so far in advance, they might.
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