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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 24166--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: January 16, 2019, 6:10 pm
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OP, in my background, no the family would not be organizing a
fundraiser. Someone instead would have a private word with a
group in their church or civic organization who would then
organize the fundraiser. That way it didn't make the family feel
like they were the "beggers", those who were donating had a bit
more comfort that the funds would go to pay for what was stated,
and even more important, the effort of organizing an event was
taken off the shoulders of the family.
But in today's society with gofundme's popping up everyday and
people not having as close of community support groups, I think
the norm has changed.
I can also understand why you posted this question here. It does
not sound like this was a person you know personally so were
"judging" them. But you had a question about the overall
situation.
#Post#: 24167--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: guest725
Date: January 16, 2019, 6:15 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> My question is, is it inappropriate and/or rude to hold a
benefit for someone in your own family? Is someone outside the
family supposed to hold the benefit with the family's
permission?
>
--- End Quote ---
Some fundraisers I will roll my eyes at, such as "support my
exotic trip to Fiji" and others, like this one, are
understandable. If one doesn't want to participate, don't. Some
things are just not worth debating because there are so many
variables and circumstances. Although I will roll my eyes at the
Fiji type requests. And while I'm at it, what do you all think
of the FB requests for donating to a cause because it's my
birthday". No, just absoleffinglutely no.
#Post#: 24169--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 16, 2019, 7:16 pm
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I think if the family is in dire straights and needs help, it's
not rude in general to try to raise funds. And since it's an
event they are selling tickets to (which takes a good bit of
work and planning), that edges it closer to the realm of having
a garage sale or taking on extra work, rather than just asking
for handouts.
Of course, people have their own needs and emergencies. But it's
not a competition, and an invitation or flyer is not a summons.
If someone in their circle is not in a position to offer help,
or doesn't approve of this type of fundraiser, or just
personally dislikes the family and doesn't trust them, there's
no obligation to go to the event. None of those factors make it
rude to ask.
If the family has ample means and is just trying to make a buck
so they don't have to dip into the vacation fund, well that's
not "rude." It's scammy and unethical.
Assuming the need is real, the slipup here was in trying to
leverage the school's mailing list. That's not appropriate, and
in fact was against policy.
#Post#: 24171--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: January 16, 2019, 7:49 pm
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The "donate to a cause for my birthday" things don't bother me
so much anymore. They hit me a bit wrong at first, but I've
decided to view them as this: "If you were going to give me a
present, this is what I'd want."
So I have given a time or two, to people who I care enough about
that I'd spot them a drink on their birthday. Or my
sister-in-law.
Fundraisers like the one the OP encountered don't bother me so
much. Mostly they make me frustrated that we don't have some
form of universal health coverage, or more broad-reaching
insurance.
I'm fine with people hosting their own birthday parties, because
I think people can just not bring a present, because a birthday
party for an adult is not a gift-giving occasion. And they can
not go if they don't want to. And who else is going to arrange a
get-together? I like the Dutch model (I think it is)--you host,
and you invite. Sort of like the "elementary school
classroom"--I bring the cupcakes!
I do NOT like people hosting their own baby showers. Those are
ONLY gift-giving occasions, and that rubs me the wrong way. I've
become OK w/ close family members hosting when it's a large
family, but I wouldn't be happy if someone hosted their own.
#Post#: 24187--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: LifeOnPluto
Date: January 17, 2019, 3:54 am
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In general, I don't have any issues with people organising
events to pay for a loved one's medical bills. I've seen various
ads for trivia nights where the intention is to raise funds for
a seriously ill family member. It's a win-win situation - the
attendees get to have a good time at the event, and the family
gets some financial assistance and a chance to possible prolong
or save a life.
I'm a bit more iffy about simple "GoFundMe" type affairs, where
the family is simply asking for money without doing anything in
return, but even so, I can't fault them too much for taking
desperate measures in a time of crisis.
But I definitely think the student should not have asked her
former university to do her advertising for her. Imagine if
every student, or former student, did that! There'd be mass
flyers every week, wanting to raise money for this, that or the
other. It was the right call in saying 'no'.
#Post#: 24190--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Bada
Date: January 17, 2019, 5:37 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: puppylove link ---
>
> [quote author=BeagleMommy link=topic=948.msg24142#msg24142
date=1547673967]
> My question is, is it inappropriate and/or rude to hold a
benefit for someone in your own family? Is someone outside the
family supposed to hold the benefit with the family's
permission?
>
--- End Quote ---
Some fundraisers I will roll my eyes at, such as "support my
exotic trip to Fiji" and others, like this one, are
understandable. If one doesn't want to participate, don't. Some
things are just not worth debating because there are so many
variables and circumstances. Although I will roll my eyes at the
Fiji type requests. And while I'm at it, what do you all think
of the FB requests for donating to a cause because it's my
birthday". No, just absoleffinglutely no.
[/quote]
DH is *never* on Facebook, but just before his birthday he
created one of these fundraisers and I was so confused. He said
he'd gotten a notification from FB saying FB would donate $5 to
whatever cause he selected for his birthday if he created the
fundraising event and posted it to his page. So, at least in his
case, he didn't actually want friends to give. Maybe he's not
alone in that?
I have a friend who processes donations at a non profit...I'm
going to have to ask her if FB actually sends donations like
they said they would.
#Post#: 24218--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: bopper
Date: January 17, 2019, 2:11 pm
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If you want to be mad, be mad at the system we have created that
caused the family to have to do this.
#Post#: 24244--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Aleko
Date: January 18, 2019, 1:22 am
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But also I think, be mad at the people who have taken the
existence of GoFundMe and all its equivalents as a green light
to blithely exhort the general public to give them money for
trivial self-indulgences or for necessary expenses that they
could afford to pay themselves but just don't care to. And,
indeed, the caring-but-thoughtless people (such as have been
discussed on this board before now) who jump in with appeals for
others without stopping to find out if they need or even want
help. All this has devalued charitable appeals. The time was
when self-respecting people didn't hold out a begging bowl
unless they were desperate; now with each new appeal you have to
wonder if they really can't afford the funeral/medical/whatever
expenses, or if they just don't see why they should forgo the
expensive holiday and new living-room furniture they had planned
while there are suckers ready to pay their bills for them.
#Post#: 24266--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: January 18, 2019, 9:33 am
---------------------------------------------------------
--- Quote from: bopper link ---
>
> If you want to be mad, be mad at the system we have created
that caused the family to have to do this.
>
--- End Quote ---
Yes! Every time I go to an event, I'll be at the ticket table
and say something like, "This is so wonderful of you to put on,
it's just a shame that in a Western, first-world country we have
to hold spaghetti dinners to pay for someone's medicine." I
think it becomes too normalized to hold events or use GoFund Me
instead of challenging the broken system, that I cannot hold my
tongue and have to point out the absurdity of selling noodles to
cover life saving care.
#Post#: 24271--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Fancypants
Date: January 18, 2019, 10:01 am
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--- Quote from: Mary Sunshine Rain link ---
>
> What is the event? Is it a concert or something?
>
> I could understand someone actually throwing some kind of
event that might have a value beyond, "hey, give us money."
>
> I guess the thing that wouldn't sit right with me, is that
most people are in this situation. Cancer isn't all that rare,
and surviving cancer isn't all that rare. I have a very close
family member still receiving treatment and there have been
thousands of dollars of bills that have needed to be paid. It
is a burden. But, it's the family's burden.
>
> Other people have their own bills to pay, their own
Grandmothers with cancer and a whole host of their own problems.
>
--- End Quote ---
Amen
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