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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 24142--------------------------------------------------
Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: BeagleMommy
Date: January 16, 2019, 3:26 pm
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I received an email from a student who graduated last year
stating her grandmother had been diagnosed with cancer, had
insurance, but medical bills were mounting. She and her family
decided to hold a benefit to assist with GM's bills. The event
would charge admission and then there was a basket raffle and
food to purchase. She asked that I email a flyer about the
event and a letter from GM's doctor to all students, faculty,
staff, and alumni.
When I checked with our HR department about this (no one had
ever asked something like this before) I was told I could not do
as asked since this was not a university sanctioned event. This
is where I left it with the graduate.
My question is, is it inappropriate and/or rude to hold a
benefit for someone in your own family? Is someone outside the
family supposed to hold the benefit with the family's
permission?
#Post#: 24144--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Jem
Date: January 16, 2019, 3:38 pm
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In situations of actual need, I kinda think etiquette isn't the
most important thing. I wouldn't personally do this, but I don't
think my first thought would be "my goodness, this family is
lacking in polite manners." I would more likely be thinking,
assuming I knew and cared about the family, "How can I help?"
#Post#: 24145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: silversurfer
Date: January 16, 2019, 3:41 pm
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I agree with Jem (who worded it much better than I could have
done.
I also don't think that hoisting your own baby shower or
birthday party or family benefit is rude. Events generally need
a host.
I would find it maybe not lacking in etiquette, but a bit
inappropriate if I got a mass email inviting me to a fundraiser
for someone - so I am glad you didn't send that email!
#Post#: 24149--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: January 16, 2019, 3:55 pm
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--- Quote from: silversurfer link ---
>
> I agree with Jem (who worded it much better than I could have
done.
>
> I also don't think that hoisting your own baby shower or
birthday party or family benefit is rude. Events generally need
a host.
>
> I would find it maybe not lacking in etiquette, but a bit
inappropriate if I got a mass email inviting me to a fundraiser
for someone - so I am glad you didn't send that email!
>
--- End Quote ---
We've had mass emails like that, and it did not go over well.
Fliers put up in appropriate places work better.
#Post#: 24151--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: January 16, 2019, 4:08 pm
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--- Quote from: BeagleMommy link ---
>
> My question is, is it inappropriate and/or rude to hold a
benefit for someone in your own family? Is someone outside the
family supposed to hold the benefit with the family's
permission?
>
--- End Quote ---
I don't know about the etiquette, but desperate times call for
desperate measures. Like PP's said, this is not a wedding or
baby shower. One does not chose to have a medical emergency and
the bills can get crazy(!) even with insurance, especially for
long term treatments. The family has enough on their plates and
probably just want to stay afloat and not lose everything they
own to pay off medical bills. If there's an etiquette violation,
I gave them a pass.
#Post#: 24156--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: QueenFaninCA
Date: January 16, 2019, 4:26 pm
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I can grudgingly accept the necessity of such fundraisers. But
asking the former professor of the patient's grandchild to
advertise it across the university is way out of line. Even just
inviting the professor is kind of iffy.
I have a coworker who lost his house in the recent wildfires. He
did not want a gofundme page. Some colleagues set up a donation
box where people could drop off checks, gift cards or cash (with
or without the donor's name) for him. Advertisement across our
workplace (3000+ people) was strictly by word of mouth. He very
graciously accepted those donations.
#Post#: 24159--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: January 16, 2019, 4:40 pm
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What is the event? Is it a concert or something?
I could understand someone actually throwing some kind of event
that might have a value beyond, "hey, give us money."
I guess the thing that wouldn't sit right with me, is that most
people are in this situation. Cancer isn't all that rare, and
surviving cancer isn't all that rare. I have a very close
family member still receiving treatment and there have been
thousands of dollars of bills that have needed to be paid. It
is a burden. But, it's the family's burden.
Other people have their own bills to pay, their own Grandmothers
with cancer and a whole host of their own problems.
#Post#: 24162--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Isisnin
Date: January 16, 2019, 4:55 pm
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Medical bills are a need, not a want so I am fine with fund
raisers to cover them, including family being the ones to hold
the fund raiser. Though I do hope the funds are managed well.
Unless you knew that student very well, e.g. became good friends
and are still good friends, she shouldn't have asked you.
They should just email an invite to everyone they know well and
say that people are welcome to forward the invite to anyone who
maybe interested.
#Post#: 24163--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: STiG
Date: January 16, 2019, 5:26 pm
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I don't have a problem with the family holding the Benefit. I
do have a problem with the student trying to pass the word to
absolutely everyone. Your audience should be your friends and
family. Facebook would be OK. But to send it to an entire
campus just because you used to be a student there? Just no.
#Post#: 24165--------------------------------------------------
Re: Holding a Benefit to Pay Medical Bills for Your Own Family -
Rude or Not
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: January 16, 2019, 6:03 pm
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They shouldn't expect to use the university's email broadcast
system, but I generally don't have a problem with this kind of
fundraiser. There are a lot of ways to get the word out -
flyers, Facebook, etc.
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