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#Post#: 24043--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: wonderfullyanonymous Date: January 15, 2019, 10:07 am
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With all that she is going through, that is the last thing that
she needs. The support is great and all, but that is just too
much. She needs this time to adjust, heal, and worry about
herself.
My friend, who has been fighting for too many years now, made a
FB page for friends and family. She invited the important people
in her life, to this private page, that she puts updates on her
diagnosis, her treatments, how she is feeling, etc. This could
be a good idea for your sister. If someone calls and asks how
she is, refer them to the FB page. If they aren't on that page,
ask sister if they can be added.
Have a sign printed "Sister in not taking visitors today, please
call before you come next time." Put it on the door. If someone
knocks or rings the bell, if sister is home alone, just tell her
to ignore it. If someone is home, have them tell the person to
call before they come over next time, there are no visitors
today. Remember, No, is a complete sentence. Have your sister
turn off her phone when she is resting. It is not necessary to
answer the phone.
#Post#: 24050--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: Kimberami Date: January 15, 2019, 12:42 pm
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[quote author=Jem link=topic=943.msg23991#msg23991
date=1547500033]
Thanks so much, everyone.
I have an update. I called the main organizer and explained that
"surprising" my sister tomorrow morning is not the best idea.
She was very receptive, and it was helpful to have some of the
ideas you guys provided to explain ways that she and others can
be helpful and supportive going forward. So all is well on that
front. I am relieved I don't have to be the bad guy here!
And thanks for the well-wishes for my sister and her family.
[/quote]
Don't be afraid to be the "bad guy" aka your sister's advocate.
I'm glad that she has you to help her.
#Post#: 24053--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: Pattycake Date: January 15, 2019, 12:48 pm
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[quote author=wonderfullyanonymous
link=topic=943.msg24043#msg24043 date=1547568478]
...snip
Have a sign printed "Sister in not taking visitors today, please
call before you come next time." Put it on the door. If someone
knocks or rings the bell, if sister is home alone, just tell her
to ignore it. If someone is home, have them tell the person to
call before they come over next time, there are no visitors
today. Remember, No, is a complete sentence. Have your sister
turn off her phone when she is resting. It is not necessary to
answer the phone.
[/quote]
I so agree with this. My friend whose 41 year old son was dying
of cancer wished that she had been a better gate keeper. It was
really hard on all of them.
#Post#: 24056--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: guest657 Date: January 15, 2019, 1:12 pm
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Having a bouncer is so important. Sometimes people just don't
think, and the patient is hardly in a position to be their own
advocate.
Heck, my DH had to bounce extra nursing staff and medical
students when I was in labor! They were from the "traditional"
side of the floor, and wanted to see what natural childbirth was
like. For crying out loud.
#Post#: 24066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: bopper Date: January 15, 2019, 3:33 pm
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I agree...read the ring theory article above.
Also the sister could say "Thanks to everyone for all of your
support! The cards and texts have been so comforting. We have
enjoyed all the wonderful food you have sent.
As I recover from chemo, I never know at any time how I will be
feeling. I ask that you schedule visits through my sister at
(number)/email so i can meet with you when I am feeling up to
it. Once again thank you ."
#Post#: 24067--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: silversurfer Date: January 15, 2019, 3:36 pm
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I just wanted to say Jem, you are doing a good job. This can't
be an easy time for any of your, and I am sure your sister
appreciates all you are doing!
Don't forget to take care of yourself as well, ok?
#Post#: 24077--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: Jem Date: January 15, 2019, 6:55 pm
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Thank you so much for all the support. My sister’s first chemo
treatment was today, and her husband and I went with her. She is
a doctor, as is her husband, so many of the treating doctors and
nurses know them and several others stopped by. After lots of
discouraging news over the past week, today was a great day: her
PET scan showed that the cancer has not spread and she is only
stage two. She took the chemo well, and we actually had a very
fun afternoon picking out wigs! Going forward I will use the
advice you all provided. Again, thank you.
#Post#: 24655--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: TootsNYC Date: January 25, 2019, 1:41 pm
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I'm so glad to hear the news!
[quote author=gmatoy link=topic=943.msg24002#msg24002
date=1547506261]
My cancer was triple negative. I beat it and I want you to know
that because I could not believe the people who shared their not
so positive stories.
[/quote]
I beat cancer too.
Once, years ago, I got a call from someone who was supposed to
come work for me on a freelance assignment--he had to cancel
because he was really sick. And that "sick" turned out to be
"riddled with cancer."
He called me to tell me, and I gave him my pep talk about how
the fight is really worth it, and so many people I knew had
beaten it completely, or given themselves many good years.
Later, when he had been deemed cancer-free, he wrote me to tell
me, and to thank me for that conversation. He says I was the
first person, and one of the very few, to tell him that it could
be beaten, that the fight was worth it.
#Post#: 24767--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: gmatoy Date: January 27, 2019, 4:35 pm
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TootsNYC, Our numbers are growing, aren't they? I give credit to
all who came before us, some much was learned because of those
brave souls who fought the battle and helped the doctors and
researchers learn what would work. And, in your case, you went
the extra step and truly helped him win his fight. Because you
can not win if you don't make the effort.
#Post#: 27338--------------------------------------------------
Re: Thanks, But Maybe Not So Much?!?!
By: katiekat2009 Date: March 7, 2019, 2:40 pm
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It's wonderful she has so much support! Could she, perhaps, set
up visiting days/times, explaining this is due to the kids' busy
schedules? That way she can judge when she will feel most like
visitors. I'm afraid if you tell them to back off, they will
stop calling and visiting altogether.
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