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#Post#: 23796--------------------------------------------------
Who Orders First
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: January 11, 2019, 1:59 pm
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This happened a bit ago and I'm wondering what everyone thinks
about it.
Friend and I parked and were walking into a fast casual
restaurant. (If you've noticed a theme about me, it's that I
love my fast casual spots. :D ) A gentleman held the door for
us. He was far enough in front of us that I felt like I needed
to take a fast step or so as not to inconvenience him. When you
step into this restaurant, you immediately funnel into the
ordering line, so friend reached for a menu (they have some
sitting out to assist you in ordering) and started towards the
front. We were the only three people in the line. I motioned
friend to step aside and let the gentleman who held the door in
front of us. While we were the only three people, and there are
two registers, only one was actively "manned."
So after I gave her a gentle tap and an eye movement to the
side, she said, "What?! HUH?! What are you saying?" "Let him in
front of us. He held the door, but he was here first, he should
order in front of us." She replied, "What? Oh, yeah. Sure." To
him, "Go ahead." He then refused to go in front of us and the
three of us were performing a Chip and Dale routine in the
narrow ordering space. We finally went in front of him.
I thought letting him in front of us was a "common knowledge"
thing and she thought I was being "extra" (in this case to be
close to obsequious).
In fact this happened to my husband and I a couple months later
and we both stepped aside and let the couple who held the door
order and it seemed smooth and normal.
(If it matters this happened in the Deep South, she was raised
in the West, I'm from the East Coast, above the MD line, and the
gentleman, based on his accent, was born and raised in the Deep
South. He was late fifties, early sixties.)
#Post#: 23801--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: Venus193
Date: January 11, 2019, 2:23 pm
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Posting for the answer, as I have no idea.
#Post#: 23805--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: NyaChan
Date: January 11, 2019, 2:51 pm
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From my view, the man let you go ahead of him. In your shoes, I
would have looked back at him and made a gesture to show him I
was willing to let him go first, especially so if my party isn’t
ready to order, but I’m guessing he didn’t mind waiting or else
he wouldn’t have stopped to let you go ahead of him into the
restaurant. There are ways to hold open a doer while staying
ahead of people.
#Post#: 23812--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: January 11, 2019, 3:11 pm
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I would let him go first. That way everyone has a chance to be
polite and have politeness given to them. :)
#Post#: 23816--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: QueenFaninCA
Date: January 11, 2019, 4:09 pm
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Your friend is an inconsiderate clod. Of course you let the
person who was there first go ahead. The only reason you found
yourselves ahead of him was because he was polite and held the
door. It's rude to repay that by jumping ahead of them.
#Post#: 23818--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: January 11, 2019, 4:23 pm
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I also thought it was "common knowledge". But I read a recent
Ms. Manner's where this was discussed. Ms. Manners agrees with
you that once inside you step aside and let the person opening
the door proceed in front of you.
I've noticed that sometimes I need to encourage the man to go
ahead with a "oh, it'll take me awhile to decide, please go
ahead".
I was once impressed with my daughter around age 4 when she, my
DH and I were going to a fast casual with the same set up. A
single man held open the door for her and I and my DH. My DD
automatically moved to the side and said "you first" to the
gentleman. I don't know if she had learned it at school or just
observing, but I knew we had never had the conversation with
her. Hence, why I assume it is a common knowledge thing.
#Post#: 23828--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: Thitpualso
Date: January 11, 2019, 5:31 pm
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Yes. If someone holds the door open for you you let that person
go to the counter and order before you. The extra wait isn’t
likely to be that much longer. Doing so is just common
courtesy.
We refer to the choreography involved as ‘the dance of the
doorway’. It usually resembles something I learned in
square-dancing class. We do it a lot in our building when
someone’s taking out a stroller or bringing in bags of shopping.
#Post#: 23829--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: January 11, 2019, 5:34 pm
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--- Quote ---
> A gentleman held the door for us. He was far enough in front
of us that I felt like I needed to take a fast step or so as not
to inconvenience him.
--- End Quote ---
Can I just say, I hate this stuff?
Just open the door for yourself, and stop trying to interject
yourself into my life.
You are not in my party.
And if you've gone so far as to change the order of things, then
in my opinion, that's what you get. It's crowded inside, and you
have voluntarily taken a later position in line.
If there's more room, then OK, I'll step aside, but honestly,
this would be so much easier if guys like him weren't awkwardly
holding doors open for people they don't even know.
#Post#: 23832--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: Surly
Date: January 11, 2019, 5:58 pm
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I agree with you, OP, I think if someone is kindly holding open
the door for you, it makes sense to kindly let them in front of
you when it's time to order. Now, if he motions for you to
order ahead of him, that's fine too -- you don't have to insist.
But I think you did the right thing.
--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote]A gentleman held the door for us. He was far enough in
front of us that I felt like I needed to take a fast step or so
as not to inconvenience him.
--- End Quote ---
Can I just say, I hate this stuff?
Just open the door for yourself, and stop trying to interject
yourself into my life.
You are not in my party.
And if you've gone so far as to change the order of things, then
in my opinion, that's what you get. It's crowded inside, and you
have voluntarily taken a later position in line.
If there's more room, then OK, I'll step aside, but honestly,
this would be so much easier if guys like him weren't awkwardly
holding doors open for people they don't even know.
[/quote]
I disagree with the tone of this. I think holding open doors
for people, letting people in front of you in line -- they're
all part of acknowledging that we're in the world together. I
wouldn't see it as trying to interject in my life, but trying to
participate in being a part of humanity. I phrased that in kind
of a cheesy way, but I do mean it. I don't think there's
anything intrusive in being kind to other people and
acknowledging their presence.
#Post#: 23834--------------------------------------------------
Re: Who Orders First
DIR By: QueenFaninCA
Date: January 11, 2019, 6:20 pm
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--- Quote from: TootsNYC link ---
>
> [quote]A gentleman held the door for us. He was far enough in
front of us that I felt like I needed to take a fast step or so
as not to inconvenience him.
--- End Quote ---
Can I just say, I hate this stuff?
Just open the door for yourself, and stop trying to interject
yourself into my life.
You are not in my party.
And if you've gone so far as to change the order of things, then
in my opinion, that's what you get. It's crowded inside, and you
have voluntarily taken a later position in line.
If there's more room, then OK, I'll step aside, but honestly,
this would be so much easier if guys like him weren't awkwardly
holding doors open for people they don't even know.
[/quote]
Color me puzzled. If someone visibly holds the door open for, I
try my best not to make them stand there longer than necessary.
What else should I do? Tell them to let go of the door?
Isn't this forum about being polite? Holding the door open for
someone instead of letting it slam close right in front of them
is polite.
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