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#Post#: 23219--------------------------------------------------
Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Songbird
Date: January 3, 2019, 9:31 pm
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So I regularly ride a commuter train. There are bench seats,
some designed for two people, others designed for three. The
seats are kind of cramped.
Last night I chose a seat by the window, a 3-person bench.
Another woman chose the aisle seat, and just before the train
was about to leave, a third woman opted for the middle seat.
All three of us are plus sized, and those seats cannot
comfortably accommodate three larger people. My right side was
pressed against the wall/window. I couldn't move my left arm,
and the other woman was pressing against my left leg to the
point where my leg went numb. The woman in the aisle seat was
hanging over the armrest. I am sure the woman in the middle
seat was not comfortable either.
There were no other seats in our car. Several passengers were
standing. We rode like that for 45 minutes.
I didn't say a word. But I was very happy when we got to the
first stop, one of the women got off the train and the other
moved to a different seat.
This isn't the first time I've been in this situation.
If when this happens again, should I say something?
I posted a picture of the seats, below.
#Post#: 23226--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: caroled
Date: January 3, 2019, 10:38 pm
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Yeah, as seats go, those look to be of a standard size, for
what manufacturers deem acceptable for average size people (
typically 18") As a large person myself I'll ask, what is it
that you think you'd like to say? As someone in the same
position, I could hardly say to someone they were too large for
the seat and they were encroaching on my space. You say the car
was full, so they could hardly move...to where? Should they have
to stand , assuming there were any place /handholds left? Was
standing a possibility for you?
I'm sorry it was such an uncomfortable trip for you, but as they
had paid for a space on the train just as you had, I don't think
there was much that could be said.
#Post#: 23228--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 3, 2019, 11:43 pm
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I'm not sure what there is to be said. Every passenger is
equally entitled to an open seat, even if it's uncomfortable.
Looking at the size of those seats, you certainly couldn't fit
three people my size comfortably across. I suppose you could try
to discourage someone squeezing in by putting your coat or purse
on the middle seat. But if someone insisted on having the last
free seat, you'd be wrong to block it.
If the third woman were actually on top of you, you could say,
"excuse me, that's my leg". But being pressed up against the
sides of other passengers isn't that unusual in commuting.
I don't think you were obligated to sit perfectly still and lose
circulation. Certainly you can change position and move around,
even if it would mean physically pushing back against her. In
that case, the normal thing would be to say "excuse me," and/or
"Just a second, my arm's going numb."
That's not going to make someone move who's already committed to
squeezing in, though.
But ultimately the choice is which is more uncomfortable -
sitting squashed together or standing? There are no "dibsies" on
personal comfort zones.
#Post#: 23230--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Jem
Date: January 4, 2019, 12:42 am
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I’m not sure what you would say. Your size is as much a factor
as theirs, it sounds like, and no one did anything “wrong.” If
you felt too squished I think your best option would be to stand
up.
I also dislike when someone else takes up “my space” on public
transportation. I am not overweight and of average height. I
take up less than the space allotted. But unless the person
encroaching on my space is doing so intentionally I just grin
and bear it or stand myself. What else could I do? Demand they
become smaller?
#Post#: 23231--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: LurkingGurl
Date: January 4, 2019, 1:02 am
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Just take up two seats so it never happens again. If another
plus sized person takes the aisle, you can move over a bit so
that you both have enough room.
This might be unfair to other people but it is what it is.
I guess actually it's only unfair to one hypothetical person who
would have to stand. But, if you let them sit, then you would
have to stand. And you're not hypothetical.
I think it's more reasonable to expect one more person to stand
than to suffer the loss of feeling in one's limbs because the
seats do not accommodate you properly.
#Post#: 23232--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Aleko
Date: January 4, 2019, 1:12 am
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--- Quote ---
> Just take up two seats so it never happens again.
--- End Quote ---
But only if she buys a second ticket.
One ticket only entitles a person (both morally and legally) to
one seat. Which may make life uncomfortable for the plus-sized,
but that also is what it is. Saying "I'm going to take a second
seat on a crowded train and make someone else stand; I know it's
unfair but that's what it takes to make ME comfortable" is pure
snowflakery.
--- Quote ---
> I suppose you could try to discourage someone squeezing in by
putting your coat or purse on the middle seat.
--- End Quote ---
You could: but you shouldn't. Putting your belongings on a
second seat with the intention of preventing shy or timid people
from having the same comfort you are having, is despicable and
rude. Trust me, nobody chooses to sit next to someone is clearly
too large for their seat. If they do sit there, they have made
the judgement that squeezing in next to that person is still
better for their own comfort than standing for 45 minutes - and
they are as entitled to their own well-being as the person who
got there first and would rather like to spread themselves over
two seats. (I can't believe this even needs saying here.)
#Post#: 23236--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Sycorax
Date: January 4, 2019, 5:54 am
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I'd just endure, everyone has the same right to a seat. I'd
rather be sitting and uncomfortable for 45 minutes than
standing.
#Post#: 23247--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: January 4, 2019, 9:02 am
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I think your only recourse is to decide to stand if you are
uncomfortable in the seat. I agree with others that you can't
ask the middle passenger to give up her seat. In the future, if
you find your only options are 3 passenger seats, then you
should opt for the aisle. You'll have more room to wriggle
around if you do end up cramped.
#Post#: 23249--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: Rose Red
Date: January 4, 2019, 9:12 am
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Since there are technically three seats, I don't think you can
say anything since they have a right to the seats too. I imagine
if you did say something, the other two will come back with "if
you're uncomfortable, you can stand up."
#Post#: 23277--------------------------------------------------
Re: Would you say something, or just endure?
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 4, 2019, 11:53 am
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--- Quote from: Aleko link ---
>
> [quote]Just take up two seats so it never happens again.
--- End Quote ---
But only if she buys a second ticket.
One ticket only entitles a person (both morally and legally) to
one seat. Which may make life uncomfortable for the plus-sized,
but that also is what it is. Saying "I'm going to take a second
seat on a crowded train and make someone else stand; I know it's
unfair but that's what it takes to make ME comfortable" is pure
snowflakery.
--- Quote ---
> I suppose you could try to discourage someone squeezing in by
putting your coat or purse on the middle seat.
--- End Quote ---
You could: but you shouldn't. Putting your belongings on a
second seat with the intention of preventing shy or timid people
from having the same comfort you are having, is despicable and
rude. Trust me, nobody chooses to sit next to someone is clearly
too large for their seat. If they do sit there, they have made
the judgement that squeezing in next to that person is still
better for their own comfort than standing for 45 minutes - and
they are as entitled to their own well-being as the person who
got there first and would rather like to spread themselves over
two seats. (I can't believe this even needs saying here.)
[/quote]
You'll note I said it would be wrong to block the seat if
someone wanted to use it.
I don't think it's rude or "despicable" to put your coat on an
empty seat. That's pretty extreme hyperbole. If someone asked to
sit down and you refused, yes that is rude.
And if you think discouraging squeezers is about taking
advantage of the "shy and timid", and nobody chooses to squash
up on larger women for reasons other than being unable to stand
comfortably --- well, I'm very glad for you, and hope you never
have some of the experiences I have had on public
transportation.
If my coat or bag will discourage a creepy opportunist, I'm all
for not being an easy mark. The type who want to rub up on
people don't usually politely ask if the seat is free.
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