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Bad Manners and Brimstone
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#Post#: 23145--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: Hmmm
Date: January 3, 2019, 1:00 pm
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I agree that I don't think anything in particular needed to be
said to the child in response. If she is being moved to a new
grade during the school year, it must be exciting to her. And
I'm sure the reason given to her for the move is that she is
smart. I think a "well, that is exciting!" is all that would be
necessary.
#Post#: 23150--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: malfoyfan13
Date: January 3, 2019, 1:48 pm
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"That's great!" and move on.
#Post#: 23154--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: bopper
Date: January 3, 2019, 2:18 pm
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I would encourage/redirect.
"That is wonderful! What kind of books do you like to read
these days?"
#Post#: 23177--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: TeamBhakta
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:19 pm
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#Post#: 23178--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: Jem
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:25 pm
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--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> It sounds like she's parroting what her parents say. She'll
learn soon enough that making Sheldon Cooper pronouncements
about herself is not very polite. "I skipped a grade" is fine.
"I skipped a grade because I'm so smart" is a good way to make
people snicker "She skipped a grade but still stuck her finger
into the pencil sharpener." ::)
>
--- End Quote ---
I don’t see why anyone would wish to diminish this girl’s
accomplishments. Her intelligence is not a reflection on anyone
else. I really bristle at implications that one person’s
brilliance diminishes another’s shine. I don’t at all like the
apparent need to pull others down rather than rejoice with them
when they succeed. Especially when the people are SEVEN.
#Post#: 23180--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: TeamBhakta
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:33 pm
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#Post#: 23181--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: Titanica
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:37 pm
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What's wrong with a simple "Really? How nice for you!" or
something like that.
Not sure what you're trying to accomplish with a response. If
you're trying to teach her not to brag, well, that's really not
your place, unless she's your child. And I think simply not
acknowledging her would be kind of rude. Or at least passive
aggressive, and uncalled for when you're dealing with a seven
year old. If you're looking to embarrass by telling her she
shouldn't say that, again, not your place. And a bit mean.
#Post#: 23182--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: Jem
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:40 pm
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--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> I'm not suggesting anyone diminish her accomplishment (or tell
her "stop saying that.") But it's generally not polite to go
around complimenting yourself: "I'm smart", "I'm pretty" or "I'm
the best athlete in school" are better scribbled in one's diary
than self announced at a party.
>
--- End Quote ---
Agreed. But this person is seven years old and proud of herself.
I say let her be excited and proud. Over time she will learn to
be inwardly proud as opposed to making arguably awkward
statements in public.
I like the suggestions of, “That’s great! What are you learning
about!?!” rather than, “what a bragger - my Sally might feel bad
because she didn’t succeed in the exact same way.”
One person’s accomplishments are not a reflection on another
unless the other person is in some weird competition with them.
I can be proud of what I do while still being proud of my
friends and family for what they do. It’s not a zero sum game.
#Post#: 23184--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 3, 2019, 5:51 pm
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--- Quote from: TeamBhakta link ---
>
> I'm not suggesting anyone diminish her accomplishment (or tell
her "stop saying that.") But it's generally not polite to go
around complimenting yourself: "I'm smart", "I'm pretty" or "I'm
the best athlete in school" are better scribbled in one's diary
than self announced at a party.
>
--- End Quote ---
No, of course it's not polite. Neither is pushing your peas onto
your fork, or making pew-pew ray gun noises at the guests. But
these are within acceptable limits for small children who are
still learning.
I happen to agree with your original statement that she's
probably parroting what her parents say. The problem I see with
self-definitions like "I'm smart" is that it promotes a fixed
rather than growth mindset. Kids who are repeatedly told that
they just "are smart" are actually less likely to do well in
advanced learning situations or in real life, because
confronting really difficult problems threatens their identity.
They will give up instead of persisting. Teaching children that
curiosity and hard work are rewarding and admirable, is more
likely to prepare them to be successful and have strong,
resilient self-esteem.
So, rather than "wow, you're so smart", it's more helpful to the
child to reinforce "Wow, you must have read a lot of books to be
able to skip a grade!" or "Wow, you must do all your homework
very carefully!"
But in this situation, I think modelling pleasant, inclusive
conversation is the best way for a non-parent to go. Especially
considering her age.
Children usually enjoy having grown ups take an interest in them
and speak to them as social peers - especially very smart
children. The more she's exposed to grown-up styles of
conversation (not just compliments, corrections and "that's nice
dear") the quicker she will learn how to do it herself.
#Post#: 23197--------------------------------------------------
Re: Appropriate response to "I'm smart" announcement?
DIR By: LadyX
Date: January 3, 2019, 7:31 pm
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FYI: I regret posting. It was a mistake. I'm not going to do
that anymore.
Sorry to mess up your thread. Threads around my post have been
removed.
Didn't mean to cause a mess.
Carry on.
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