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#Post#: 2066--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
DIR By: TootsNYC
Date: May 18, 2018, 9:19 pm
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I would never give something to one child (if it wasn't that
child's birthday) without having something to give to the
other--at least, not at this age. Though I would if it were a
child's special occasion, no matter what the age.
#Post#: 2092--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
DIR By: NFPwife
Date: May 18, 2018, 11:20 pm
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I wouldn't have given something to just one of the children. It
does set the mother up a bit to have to teach the "life's not
always fair or always about you" lesson and, if you want to have
a nice visit with your friend, why put her in a situation to
have to do expert level parenting? I like the idea of printing a
coloring page for the sister or giving her a small wildflower.
Until our youngest nephew was five, and my SIL really put her
foot down, we took something small for him even when it was his
brother's birthday. His "something" was not as grand, but
recognized him.
Recently, the youngest was in the school talent show and I
didn't have time to get him a gift. He likes cash anyway, so we
put some money in a card. My DH slipped his brother the same
amount when we were all sitting in the audience. He did it
conspiratorially, "You didn't perform, don't mention this."
Oldest nephew smiled and pocketed the cash. Personally, I didn't
think he needed a "gift" because it was his brother's night, but
my DH is generous and they'll remember that about him. (It's
cultural, that "uncle handshake" that always has something green
in it. We were on the receiving end of so many from his uncle,
and I remember how sweet and special it felt, that I'm not going
to stop it now that my DH is giving the "uncle handshakes.")
#Post#: 2152--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
DIR By: Lynn2000
Date: May 19, 2018, 10:34 am
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Only child, and no kids of my own, so I would be in the OP's
position. Having gotten permission from the mom to give the
small gift--and with Mom apparently not giving any further
direction, like "Wait until his sister is out of the room"--I
wouldn't have done anything differently. I guess now you know?
Not so much a "duh, everyone knows that" rule, but rather,
"Well, in a practical sense, it might be better to do this,
having learned from experience." I mean, that's all you can go
by--I did X, it went badly, next time I'll do Y instead. That's
how I would think of it, anyway, as it doesn't really make
logical sense to me, but you can't argue with the results.
#Post#: 3409--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
DIR By: DaDancingPsych
Date: May 24, 2018, 11:11 am
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I have always gifted simultaneously. In fact, I have a friend
who's kids were similar ages as the OP and friend thanked me for
always doing that. One of the kids drew me a beautiful picture
and sent it to me through mom. I mailed a thank you card to that
child and two more generic cards to the others. Why? I knew how
exciting it would be to get mail and how very small children
have a hard time of understanding why they don't get something.
It just seemed like an easy fix that would make my efforts more
appreciated by everyone (including mom.) Sure, she could have
made it into a learning moment, but those will happen many more
times in the future.
The only time I break that rule is for birthday's.
#Post#: 3522--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
DIR By: Girlie
Date: May 25, 2018, 11:51 am
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I learned early on that life isn't always fair, and I am
terribly thankful for that as an adult.
In this case, I don't think OP did anything wrong, and I think
the Mother in the story would have been better served by calmly
explaining to the daughter that she wasn't getting a present
right now, and that's all there was to it. Emotions can be
complicated things, especially ones like jealousy. I don't
believe in rewarding bad behavior (like giving her the brother's
wallet), but nor do I believe in dancing around on tiptoes in
the hopes of never hurting someone's feelings, especially in a
completely innocent situation like the one listed above. Moments
like that are the perfect time to begin teaching one's children
about how to behave themselves when they are facing
disappointment.
As an aside, I realize the little girl was only three, but I
altogether believe that we do not give children enough credit. A
child old enough to begin experiencing an emotion like anger or
jealousy is old enough to begin learning how to control said
emotion - although at that age, I certainly wouldn't expect
anything near perfection.
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