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#Post#: 494--------------------------------------------------
Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: CrazyDaffodilLady Date: May 14, 2018, 11:40 am
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I visited an acquaintance who has two small children (boy 5,
girl 3). The boy loves dinosaurs, and I happened to have a cool
dinosaur cutout from the back of a cereal box that I gave to
him. His sister threw a screaming fit. To calm her down (to be
“fair”), their mother gave the girl her brother’s wallet, which
she covets greatly. The girl ruined the wallet by scribbling
all over it with a permanent marker.
Since both children were crying and screaming, I made a hasty
exit.
I’ve wound up in similar situations a couple of other times, and
as a result, I no longer take gifts of any kind when visiting
friends with children. I feel like I should be able to give one
child something simple (like a piece of cardboard from a cereal
box) without obtaining gifts for all the children in the house.
How do others handle this dilemma?
#Post#: 495--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: kckgirl Date: May 14, 2018, 11:44 am
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Wow! That was a parenting fail on the mom's part. I don't have
any experience to share, but I would do as you did, get out of
there ASAP.
#Post#: 497--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: Hmmm Date: May 14, 2018, 11:48 am
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With children under 6, I do try to give a gift to both. It's
hard for a 3 year old to understand the concept of "today
brother gets something but tomorrow I might get something"
especially if it's not a bday for one of them. Personally, I
think it's awkward visiting any two friends and bringing a gift
for one but not the other if it is not a specific gift giving
occasion. I would instead wait to give the gift in private.
As far as the wallet, that is all on the mother. Can't imagine
letting a 3 year old get access to markers with no supervision.
#Post#: 501--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: Pattycake Date: May 14, 2018, 11:59 am
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If it's like this time, not a gift-giving occasion, then yeah,
until the kids are a little older, I might take the other one
something. It could be just another picture cut out of another
cereal box, for all she probably would care, but she would be
getting something! I never had this problem with any of my
friends' kids because the parents would never allow that kind of
behaviour - major fail of the mother to take something of the
brother's and give it to the sister.
#Post#: 525--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: guest46 Date: May 14, 2018, 1:41 pm
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These are young children so I would take them each something or
take nothing. I don't think you did anything wrong though. You
tried to do something nice and it backfired but it isn't your
fault. The mother didn't handle it very well at all but that's
not your fault either.
#Post#: 565--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: Catananche Date: May 14, 2018, 3:49 pm
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It depends on the age of the children. Small children? Everyone
gets a gift/card/magazine/whatever. Older children? It depends.
I don't want to play favourites and most kids want things to be
'fair', so if I find something fun for one child (like
dinosaurs) I will try and find something for the other child as
well. I was overlooked a lot as a child and I remember feeling
very hurt when my sisters were given a present and I got ...
nothing. It stings, even when you are 6, 7 or 8 years old.
So, in my case: I either give everyone a (small) gift or no one
gets a gift.
#Post#: 592--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: CrazyDaffodilLady Date: May 14, 2018, 5:39 pm
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I’m surprised at the number of people who’ve called this a
maternal failure. I don’t have children and try not to judge,
but I too considered it a big failure. However, the woman has a
reputation for being a great mother (“nothing gets past her”);
the reputation may largely be based on the woman’s opinion of
herself. It seems to me that she very much favors the daughter
over the son. She could’ve given the daughter something to calm
her down, but why did it need to be one of the son’s valued
possessions?
It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder where the girl got a
permanent marker so quickly. It’s almost like she was waiting
for the chance to ruin her brother’s wallet.
Incidentally, I checked with the mother before giving the
cardboard dinosaur to the boy.
#Post#: 625--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: HenrysMom Date: May 14, 2018, 9:10 pm
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[quote author=CrazyDaffodilLady link=topic=92.msg592#msg592
date=1526337585]
I’m surprised at the number of people who’ve called this a
maternal failure. I don’t have children and try not to judge,
but I too considered it a big failure. However, the woman has a
reputation for being a great mother (“nothing gets past her”);
the reputation may largely be based on the woman’s opinion of
herself. It seems to me that she very much favors the daughter
over the son. She could’ve given the daughter something to calm
her down, but why did it need to be one of the son’s valued
possessions?
It hadn’t occurred to me to wonder where the girl got a
permanent marker so quickly. It’s almost like she was waiting
for the chance to ruin her brother’s wallet.
Incidentally, I checked with the mother before giving the
cardboard dinosaur to the boy.
[/quote]
Well, she needs to clean her glasses, because from here it looks
like a fail to me.
Next time, you might want to gift both kids with inexpensive
wallets. The boy gets a replacement, and the girl gets one of
her own to do whatever. Not that it’s your fault, no indeed,
but just to be nice to the poor boy.
#Post#: 627--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: guest7 Date: May 14, 2018, 9:19 pm
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[quote author=HenrysMom link=topic=92.msg625#msg625
date=1526350257]
Well, she needs to clean her glasses, because from here it looks
like a fail to me.
Next time, you might want to gift both kids with inexpensive
wallets. The boy gets a replacement, and the girl gets one of
her own to do whatever. Not that it’s your fault, no indeed,
but just to be nice to the poor boy.
[/quote]
Why reward the girl for ruining one of her brother's favorite
possessions?
Mom messed up here big time. Let her figure it out. But next
time I'd recommend either take nothing for either child or
something for both.
#Post#: 661--------------------------------------------------
Re: Do I have to gift all siblings simultaneously?
By: HenrysMom Date: May 15, 2018, 3:44 am
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Well, yeah, that’s one way to look at it. If I were in that
position, even though it wasn’t my fault, I’d feel bad for the
poor boy and want to do something for him. And, oh, yeah,
here’s something to keep the brat happy. Sure, it’s not my
problem and a fail on the part of the mother, but it’s a nicer
alternative than to resolve to never give either child anything
ever again.
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