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#Post#: 22951--------------------------------------------------
tabletop gaming and team etiquette (update #13)
DIR By: Victoria
Date: January 2, 2019, 10:29 am
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I've started playing a tabletop role-playing game with mutual
friends and a couple of acquaintances. My friends are a husband
and wife team. I know the husband Jim from work, and his wife
Tina is the more experienced of the two and is
leading/explaining the game as we go. The premise of the game is
that the players group up together and go on some sort of
mission. The game is relatively complex and requires several
sessions, around 4 hours each, to complete.
Bob, who I do not personally know, has created a character that
has a persona of being an uncooperative loner who hates being in
a group. I had only played the game a handful of times before,
but the first three sessions with Bob honestly felt like a
miserable trudge toward nothing in particular. It was a huge
contrast from my previous experiences, which had been generally
entertaining and moved along at a pace quick enough to stay
interesting. But this time the rest of us have spent whole
sessions awkwardly forcing Bob's character to interact with ours
and it took us forever to actually come together in a group,
because every time one of us approached him he ran the other
way. I could tell that Tina felt the tension, as she was also
trying to force Bob to interact with us more in the game and to
behave a bit differently.
Bob the person is generally sociable and likable and is good
friends with Tina. But he isn't picking up on any sort of
tension and issues and seems to relish playing a character so
different from himself, and I get the sense that he isn't
amenable to change, since he's said things to Tina like "Well, I
like my character" and "I enjoy playing this sort of person."
My question is two-fold: Since I've committed to this game, how
long should I continue to play with Bob if it's not fun for me?
And if I decide to bow out, who should I explain it to, my
original friend Jim or the person running the game, Tina? I
hesitate to try and give a non-committal answer, since in the
beginning I was extremely enthused about it and I know it would
disappoint Jim and Tina if I left.
#Post#: 22958--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Celestia
Date: January 2, 2019, 10:53 am
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(If you want some more RPG-specific advice, this kind of thing
comes up ALL THE TIME on the RPG.Net forums. You are not alone!)
Generally, Tina would be the one in charge of wrangling people,
but if you're not comfortable talking to her directly you can
absolutely talk to Jim. Jim is also a player, and he may be
having the same problems you are with Bob's character. Talk it
out, bring it to Tina, and then someone needs to tell Bob
point-blank that he's making the game un-fun for everyone else.
This can be a private discussion or a whole-table thing.
Ultimately, it may come down to this particular group of
individuals not gelling, which is totally okay! But if people
aren't having fun playing together, someone may want to/have to
go. Before quitting, I'd make sure Tina and/or Jim know that's
the point you're getting to, so they and the group can decide
whether they'd rather keep you or Bob.
#Post#: 22959--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Victoria
Date: January 2, 2019, 11:00 am
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Thanks Celestia! I had no idea this was a common issue.
#Post#: 22968--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: January 2, 2019, 12:10 pm
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There is one of those characters in nearly every party. I can
say that it sometimes takes several sessions to workout a
character. Bob may grow his character and become more fun. He
may be planning to have his character have an arc that brings
him around. My personally would play out the campaign. Have
your character treat Bob's character in a way that makes sense.
I would not ask/coerce/encourage Bob to play along. I would just
interact with the other players. Bob will either come along or
Tina can spin his character off into a new game.
#Post#: 22998--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Celestia
Date: January 2, 2019, 3:34 pm
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I do think these things are best solved out of character, for
what it's worth. I've seen things get sticky when players argue
"in-character" about things that are actually part of the
real-life dynamic and nobody's sure who's actually mad and who's
roleplaying. But that's very true, you can ask Bob if this is a
permanent feature of his character or if it's something he sees
changing in time. If it's the latter, he may even appreciate
your character getting annoyed with his and giving him a reason
to change. I'd just be really wary of having characters who
don't like each other without the players first chatting to
ensure it's all in good fun.
#Post#: 23016--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Rain
Date: January 2, 2019, 5:03 pm
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In real life you'd eventually quit chasing him, do it in the
game ..... Maybe he's cursed to run from overtures
You know the saying "either lead or follow, or get out of the
way"
Right now he's not leading and is in the way....create a
scenario where he could follow....treat him like a cat
#Post#: 23106--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 3, 2019, 9:59 am
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It's interesting to see the specifics of how experienced
contemporary gamers approach this. My response is rather
different. It's probably been 20 years since I played an RPG,
but I had a friend group that was very into classic D&D for a
while.
I put up with a lot of boring and annoying people back then, but
it was less about maintaining game etiquette, and more about
being a young 20-something hoping if I were a "good sport," my
crush might ask me out! (Spoiler: did not work).
These days, there is no way I would sit through multiple 4-hour
sessions with a crashing bore like this. He likes playing a
character like this? I bet he does! He's made himself the
central conflict and the center of attention. He's hijacked the
story so everyone has to focus on him instead of on the quest.
After the first time he pulled this nonsense, I'd ask if we were
going to play the game or if we were going to sit through
another episode of The Please Bob, Please Play With Us Show.
And if he or anyone else acted like they didn't know what I was
talking about, I'd unfortunately have to excuse myself due to a
severe B.S. allergy. (Cough, cough).
However, that might be harsher than you're comfortable with.
If your Dungeonmaster (or whatever Tina's title is) can't
curtail this after three sessions, I doubt it's worth showing up
for more. Just be busy. If they ask why you're suddenly
unavailable, tell them the game isn't going anywhere, but you'd
be happy to try again some other time, maybe with a different
group of characters that would mix better.
#Post#: 23117--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: Kimberami
Date: January 3, 2019, 10:36 am
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I brought up this question with my husband last night. He's the
person who introduced me to table top gaming years ago. He
prefers being the DM more than playing. He said that it is the
responsibility of the DM to manage players like Bob. He said his
line to Bob (Out of game) would be "You can join the party or
not, but I'm only running one adventure." One thing that DH
always does is have a small debriefing after the game session.
The players have a chance to offer comments or criticism of the
game. You might want to suggest this to Tina.
I wasn't going to get this in deep, but maybe this conversation
is nerdy enough to handle it. I am serious, there is almost
always a Lone Wolf/Super Star/Dark Knight wanna be in nearly
every game. When we are doing character introductions, I always
go last. I keep a character in reserve. She's a kender (We
always play in the DragonLance universe). I will make it a point
to neutralize the loner's thunder. That's what I mean by your
character treating Bob's character in a way that makes sense. My
kender will ruin nearly every brooding, dark, super cereal
moment with something goofy. I do not make the story about my
character. Her only ambition is to keep adventuring.
Sometimes it is fun to play the brooding loner, but it's more
fun to see where the adventure takes you.
#Post#: 23120--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: guest657
Date: January 3, 2019, 10:46 am
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Kimpossible, I love the "dark knight" reference. It made me
think of the Lego Movie version of Batman, and how he sucks the
air our of every room.
I can't stop giggling.
--- Quote from: Kimpossible link ---
>
> I brought up this question with my husband last night. He's
the person who introduced me to table top gaming years ago. He
prefers being the DM more than playing. He said that it is the
responsibility of the DM to manage players like Bob. He said his
line to Bob (Out of game) would be "You can join the party or
not, but I'm only running one adventure." One thing that DH
always does is have a small debriefing after the game session.
The players have a chance to offer comments or criticism of the
game. You might want to suggest this to Tina.
>
> I wasn't going to get this in deep, but maybe this
conversation is nerdy enough to handle it. I am serious, there
is almost always a Lone Wolf/Super Star/Dark Knight wanna be in
nearly every game. When we are doing character introductions, I
always go last. I keep a character in reserve. She's a kender
(We always play in the DragonLance universe). I will make it a
point to neutralize the loner's thunder. That's what I mean by
your character treating Bob's character in a way that makes
sense. My kender will ruin nearly every brooding, dark, super
cereal moment with something goofy. I do not make the story
about my character. Her only ambition is to keep adventuring.
>
> Sometimes it is fun to play the brooding loner, but it's more
fun to see where the adventure takes you.
>
--- End Quote ---
Also to this point: it is fun, but there are a thousand ways to
play a brooding loner without taking over or refusing to
cooperate. You can have all sorts of secrets in your backstory
that you gradually reveal. Your character doesn't have to be
chatty or sociable in order to keep the game moving forward.
#Post#: 23155--------------------------------------------------
Re: tabletop gaming and team etiquette
DIR By: bopper
Date: January 3, 2019, 2:21 pm
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Read this:
Five Geek Social Fallacies
HTML http://www.plausiblydeniable.com/opinion/gsf.html
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