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#Post#: 24204--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bad Dad
DIR By: VorFemme
Date: January 17, 2019, 10:19 am
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I have heard of so many ways that telling someone information
that they might need but probably don't want to know can go
badly. None of them really help the person who is walking into
potential danger based on the way the *Bad Character* is acting
- because they really don't want to know, or so it seems.
Shrugging it off with a comment about "not in my experience" or
"my experience was different" might or might not get remembered
if things go wrong in the future, but you can't tell people that
the chameleon over there is really a Komodo lizard and will bite
them, if they want to play with the cute chameleon that people
like Bad Dad will pretend to be. (Trying not to mix too many
metaphors - but I know one family that only sees their *Bad
Member* in public, because the bad one is a good actor, as long
as there are witnesses to impress. If there is only family,
they figuratively slump and the disguise falls away, and then
things go bad again...it's just easier to always be in public
with that person.)
#Post#: 25069--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bad Dad
DIR By: Copper Horsewoman
Date: January 31, 2019, 11:28 pm
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Sorry, I was traveling for business the last couple of weeks and
did not have time to log in,
The "cause considerable damage" remark was in response to the
poster whose abuser had already died. the abuser was not in a
position to harm anyone else, so there is not a need to warn
others, and it may tarnish the memory for someone who had a very
different experience with the deceased, and will possibly
change/damage any relationship between the teller and the
listener. Certainly, if one has firsthand knowledge of a living
person who has the potential of messing up someone else's life,
a warning may be in order.
I hope I made myself clear(er).
#Post#: 25074--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bad Dad
DIR By: peony
Date: February 1, 2019, 7:23 am
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When one of my abusers passed away about five years ago I had to
sit and listen to everybody telling me what a wonderful and
caring human being he was at his funeral service. The reasons I
didn't say anything although I was aching to set the record
straight was: 1. no one would have believed me, 2. people
genuinely had positive feelings about his public facade and it
would have only hurt them, and 3. there was no good reason to
try and convince people otherwise; nobody was in danger or had
an urgent need to know. It was one of the hardest things I've
ever done.
#Post#: 25096--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bad Dad
DIR By: sandisadie
Date: February 1, 2019, 10:04 am
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Peony - I agree with you that listening to people praise someone
as a wonderful person when you have first hand knowledge of what
they were really like is really, really hard. When my husband
died I was the one who had to call his friends and relatives and
pass on the news. I especially remember talking to his "best
friend", as the man believed himself to be. As he spoke
glowingly of my husband the only thing I remember thinking was
"if only you could have heard how he talked about you over the
years you wouldn't believe me for a minute!" I got through all
those calls by pretending we were talking about someone I didn't
know well and just letting the other person talk and me saying
little.
#Post#: 25788--------------------------------------------------
Re: Bad Dad
DIR By: AnnesWhiteLady
Date: February 12, 2019, 2:19 am
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I'm late to the conversation, but I would leave well enough
alone.
I haven't told my ex-husband's new supply about him because she
would never believe me. And here's why - when the woman before
me tried to warn *me* about my now ex-husband (very early in the
relationship, too), I didn't believe a word she said. Your mind
cannot reconcile the two sometimes. I desperately owe that
woman an apology if I ever get to see her again.
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