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#Post#: 24558--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Raintree Date: January 24, 2019, 1:50 am
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[quote author=Penelope2017 link=topic=898.msg22651#msg22651
date=1546177751]
Putting aside your BIL’s rudeness, which I don’t deny, I also
have to say 7:45 is really late for dinner - especially for a
holiday. In my experience dinner on holidays is served even
earlier- 4 to 5 ish. And when I go to my in-laws and am told
dinner is at one time and it’s served much later I also find it
exhausting. He was rude, no question, but you mention he might
have gone off to the hotel to “get away” from you guys? Is it
possible he senses your and your mom’s dislike and tries to
minimize together time? Perhaps that is why he’s a more relaxed
and gregarious guest when others are added to the mix. It’s more
confortable and more enjoyable than being around his wife’s
family who dislike him and view him as an angry, lying, control
freak.
[/quote]
We used to like him just fine and we've been nothing but polite
and friendly to him but his behaviour has just got worse over
the years. Didn't even thank us for the gifts we gave him and
complained the room was "so gloomy in here." (Yes, it doesn't
get a lot of direct sunlight and my mother has lamps instead of
super bright lights in there...that's how she chooses to
decorate, it's no different from the last 20 times he's been
over, so he should deal with it or not come). My mother and I
found it so lovely and peaceful when he left for a bit to go to
the hotel. Nobody has any issues with people leaving for a
while; everyone understands that people need breaks. I know he
thinks I was doing a power trip serving dinner later (because
that is how he thinks, based on how he talks about others) but I
see it as the ONE time he didn't get his way, and I did predict
he'd find a way to show his displeasure.
Get this, then he has the nerve to state he'd like a piece of
furniture from my mum's place. She is getting rid of things and
we're all trying to decide what to do with various items, and
she wants one of us to have it. But having treated her so rudely
at Christmas, she doesn't want him to have it.
#Post#: 24560--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: Aleko Date: January 24, 2019, 2:12 am
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[quote]Get this, then he has the nerve to state he'd like to
have a piece of furniture from my mum's place.[/quote]
But, from a total egotist's point of view, why shouldn't he? He
reasons that she wants rid of her stuff, she says she wants
family to have it, he's family, he didn't do anything wrong at
Christmas even though you and she were so deliberately unkind
and inconsiderate to him in the matter of mealtimes, so why
shouldn't he say what items he would like as much as any other
family member? That's not nerve, it's blank insensibility.
You don't say who he stated it to? - direct to your mother, or
you, or another family member? In any case she can obviously
simply ignore him and give it to whoever else wants it (or keep
it, or sell it), but who he's talking to affects how - if at all
- he should be responded to.
#Post#: 24607--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: betty Date: January 24, 2019, 7:53 pm
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On regular days, we eat dinner around 6. My spouse and I both
work at home, so the timing is a bit more flexible. Even when we
worked out of the home, we ate before 7. I prefer an early
dinner so I don't go to bed on a full stomach.
On holidays (Thanksgiving is our only traditional holiday meal),
we have a light breakfast, then put out appetizers (veggies,
cheese, olives) at lunch time. The big meal is served when the
turkey is ready, around 2 pm. We try to get outside for a walk
or to take kids to the playground after the big meal. When we
get back, we serve up dessert (and people can have leftovers if
they want something else to eat).
If I'm invited to someone else's home for a meal, I plan my
eating around their schedule, which is fine. Except once we went
to a party where the invitation said "dinner will be served at
7" but we weren't sitting down to eat until after 8.
Unfortunately, my hunger got to me and I ate too many
appetizers, and didn't enjoy the actual dinner as much as I
might have. (I skipped dessert! That never happens!)
#Post#: 24626--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: XRogue Date: January 25, 2019, 10:25 am
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OP I realize from your standpoint you made an effort to get the
meal out by 7 and there was a problem with the timing. Turkey
does that.
The problem here is that your BIL has his own standpoint, and I
have been in his position with my ex ils. I ended up feeling
like they were going out of their way to be unkind to
demonstrate I was not and never would be part of their family.
You clearly don't like this man because he irritates you, and I
am sure he knows that.
Which in turn means he is going to feel you are making excuses
instead of having a legitimately ornery turkey. Not fair to
either of you, I know.
#Post#: 24786--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: collakat Date: January 28, 2019, 7:46 am
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Hi, I skipped a few pages and don't know if this was addressed.
I think the point is that his whining was rude. I don't know
what the best wording would be; but I would've told him to stop
his nagging as it is spoiling dinner. I'd rather ignore the
sulking, which would probably have been the result if he was
shut down firmly.
You and your Mother could also have commented on how much you
are enjoying the food. If they don't want to comment, then just
act as if they are also enjoying it... ;)
Any wording suggestions for telling someone politely but firmly
to zip it or would you just bean dip?
#Post#: 25033--------------------------------------------------
Re: Late dinner, impatient guest
By: bopper Date: January 31, 2019, 12:33 pm
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Another tack:
Assume everything he says is true.
"BIL, I think you should see doctor...you say that you are
exhausted all the time. Surely since you were so tired you must
have taken a nap at the hotel and you are still tired?"
"BIL, have you seen a doctor about your blood sugar levels?
Having to eat exactly at 6:00 may indicate an issue."
"BIL, if you need to eat exactly at 6:00 I would suggest you
bring some food/snacks or a protein bar with you. We do our best
but can not guarantee that you will eat at 6:00. "
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